


Who let them on Twitter???

by ac3ofspad3s



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: BAMF Pepper Potts, F/F, F/M, FTM Peter Parker, Flash is a dick, Fluff, Harley Keener & Peter Parker are Siblings, IDK what other tags, Lots of Laughs, Multi, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Social Media, Social Media AU, Swearing, Tony Stark Acting as Harley Keener's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Trans Peter Parker, Transphobia, Twitter, Twitter AU, Twitter Fic, a huge dick, could be gayer, just riddled with profanity, kinda gay, light - Freeform, like no angast tho, little bit of angst for side character, poly ship, scre infinity war, screw endgame, so much wearing, spiderman - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:34:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 92
Words: 46,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22165714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ac3ofspad3s/pseuds/ac3ofspad3s
Summary: The Interns at SI, Peter Parker and Spiderman all join twitter. Chaos ensuesInterns of SI @SI_InternsUr mom’s a hoeI live @PBPJokes on you my mom’s deadNed @NedLeedsPeter!My Friends call me MJ @MJPeter, the fuckIronMan @TonyStarkPETER WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!Betty @BettyBrantDid IRON MAN just Tweet Peter Parker?The bell is for comedy don’t lie to me @AbeBrownHe did
Relationships: Harley Keener & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Harley Keener & Peter Parker, Harley Keener & Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Harley Keener & Tony Stark, Michele Jones/Shuri/Gwen Stacy, Michelle Jones & Harley Keener & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Pepper Potts, Michelle Jones & Shuri, Michelle Jones/Shuri, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Pepper Potts, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 903
Kudos: 2306





	1. The Interns join Twitter... it was a mistake

**Author's Note:**

> No warnings now, just fluff just a heads up there will be deadnaming misgendering and other transphobic stuff. Also a TON of swearing. I'll try to update once a week but idk I'm not good at keeping a schedule, may post like 3 times a week then nothing for a week, we'll see how it goes. There's a ton of stuff so it should be fine.

[Twitter]  
Interns of SI @SI_Interns  
Hey Twitter it’s the coolest interns at Stark Industries!

Alec-B @AlecB  
Prove it.

Interns of SI @SI_Interns  
Why don’t you believe me internet?

I Live @PBP  
Smh @AlecB

Bitch @PrincessShuriofWakanda  
Send a picture, coward

Interns od SI @SI_Interns  
You too Princess Shuri???

Bitch @PrincessShuriofWakanda  
Yes, I repeat: Send a picture.

Bitch @PrincessShuriofWakanda  
Coward

Interns of SI @SI_Interns  
Ok but only because I gotta be nice or I’ll lose my job.  
[There’s a picture facing out from Stark Tower]

Motorcycle @HarleyKeener  
Don’t worry you’ll lose your job anyway.

Interns of SI @SI_Inters  
Oh shit! Heyyyy boss. Plz don’t fire me

Motorcycle @HarleyKenner  
That depends. You talking shit about me?

Interns of SI @SI_Interns  
No of course not! That’s what the discord’s for...

I live @PBP  
True that @SI_Interns

Motorcycle @HarleyKenner  
Traitor, you absolute traitor @PBP 

I live @PBP  
You can’t fire them. You have a lot of power but not THAT much

Motorcycle @HarleyKenner  
Maybe not but I can send whoever it is to the lowest labs

Interns of SI @SI_Interns  
Sorry to people in the lower labs but I do not want to be down there it’s BORING

I live @PBP  
If it’s not at least a little hazardous to your health it’s not fun

Interns of SI @SI_Interns  
^^^^ What he said

[The SI Interns Discord]  
Harley: Alright, who made the Twitter account  
Dave: Me  
Peggy: me  
Peter: Me  
Gwen: Me  
Shuri: me  
Mat: me  
Harley: Fess up or else  
Gwen: Or else what?  
Harley: I’ll put you all on tour duty except for Shuri since she’s not an intern and has diplomatic immunity  
Shuri: A wise choice Harley

[On the discord without Harley]  
Peter: Who did it?  
Gwen: Me  
Dave: I knew it  
Gwen: I was going to tell you so we could all do it, it’s INTERNS not INTERN  
Mat: I’m down, let’s do it.  
Gwen: Nice here’s the pw **********

[Twitter]  
Interns of SI @SI_Inters  
We back bitches and more powerful than ever.

Bitch @PrincessShuriofWakanda  
Fuck yeah bitches!

T’Challa @KingT’challaofWakanda  
Shuri

Bitch @PrincessShuriofWakanda  
Yes brother?

T’Challa @KingT’challaofWakanda  
You are a princess, stop

Bitch @PrincessShuriofWakanda  
Sorry I don’t take advice from a furry

Spooderman @Spiderman  
911 I’ve just witnessed a murder

SpideyForever @SpideyWeb  
OMG SPIDER MAN IS THAT YOU????

Spooderman @Spiderman  
Tis I, the frenchiest fry

IronMan @TonyStark  
…

Spooderman @Spiderman  
O.O

IronMan @TonyStark  
…

Spooderman @Spiderman  
I’ll… Just uhhh be going now

Alec-B @AlecB  
What was that?

Andy’s Coming @Andy  
I have no idea but I’m here for it


	2. PR nightmares and pranks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> all in the title guy gals and non binary pals.
> 
> No warnings, just fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Screw a schedule (I'm so bad at scheduling stuff)

Interns of SI @SI_Interns  
Y’all are a mess  
[It’s a picture of a few interns working on a project together. They look to be arguing.]

Spooderman @Spiderman  
LOL Y’all need to learn how to get along

IronMan @TonyStark  
Says Mister I-Don't-Need-your-help-Mr-Stark-Oh-Look-I-Got-Stabbed

Spooderman @Spiderman  
MR STARK!

Bitch @PrincessShuriofWakanda  
#EXPOSED

Spooderman @Spiderman  
What is it expose Spidey hour or something?

Bitch @PrincessShuriofWakanda  
It’s always expose Spidey hour

Spooderman @Spiderman  
No

Bitch @PrincessShuriofWakanda  
Yes

Spooderman @Spiderman  
Nooooooo

Bitch @PrincessShuriofWakanda  
Yessssssss #ExposeSpideyhour

Nat @BlackWidow  
@Spiderman Hello Spiderling

Spooderman @Spiderman  
Omg Black Widow!!!

Andy’s Coming @Andy  
Is Spiderman fangirling over Black Widow rn or am I going insane?

Gwendolyn is my name @GwenStacy  
Nope, he’s fangirling over Black Widow (kinda weird considering he’s met them irl, this is just twitter calm down)

Bitch @PrincessShuriofWakanda  
He fangirls over every Avenger, you should have seen him when he meet @Dr.Banner

Spooderman @Spiderman  
StOp ExPoSiNg Me ShUrI (Gwen Black Widow following me is completely different then meeting them irl, let me have this)

Bitch @PrincessShuriofWakanda  
NeVeR

Bruce Banner @Dr.Banner  
You did. 

Spooderman @Spiderman  
DR. BANNER WHY????

Bruce Banner @Dr.Banner  
It’s the truth.

Spooderman @Spiderman  
TrAiToR

Interns of SI @SI_Interns  
@Spiderman You’re amazing and shit but stop spamming my comments y’all

I live @PBP  
No

Interns of SI @SI_Interns  
Ur mom’s a hoe

I live @PBP  
Jokes on you my mom’s dead

Ned @NedLeeds  
Peter!

My Friends call me MJ @MJ  
Peter, the fuck

IronMan @TonyStark  
PETER WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!

Betty @BettyBrant  
Did IRON MAN just Tweet Peter Parker?

The bell is for comedy don’t lie to me @AbeBrown  
He did

I live @PBP  
@TonyStark And?

IronMan @TonyStark  
That’s it, one more remark and you’re out of the will

I live @PBP  
I was in the will?

IronMan @TonyStark  
“I was in the will?” yes you where in the will but not anymore...

IronMan @TonyStark  
DISOWNED!

I live @PBP  
:(

IronMan @TonyStark  
…

IronMan @TonyStark  
I retract what I said, you’re back in the will

I live @PBP  
Noice

IronMan @TonyStark  
Nevermind. DISOWNED. @HarleyKenner you’re in the will

Motorcycle @HarleyKeener  
Fuck yeah, screw you Parker

I live @PBP  
Noooo Mr. Stark I’m sorry

IronMan @TonyStark  
Damn right you are

Motorcycle @HarleyKeener  
I’m still in the will tho, right?

IronMan @TonyStark  
I don’t pay you two to Tweet

I live @PBP  
...You……... don’t pay………. Either of us????? We’re interns??? Interns don’t get paid?????

IronMan @TonyStark  
No lab for a month. For either of you

Motorcycle @HarleyKeener  
How will we do our work then?

I live @PBP  
Oooooh @HarleyKeeneryou right. How will we do work if we can’t go in the labs?

IronMan @TonyStark  
I mean you can’t go in my lab or your labs, only intern labs

Motorcycle @HarleyKeener  
Well fuck

I live @PBP  
:(

IronMan @TonyStark  
Not today Satan

Nat @BlackWidow  
You called?

IronMan @TonyStark  
I did not

Nat @BlackWidow  
To bad, I”m here and I ain’t leaving

CaptainAmerica @SteveRogers  
Tony, I thought Morgan was your only kid?

IronMan @TonyStark  
She is noahfsdgjhbknds 

12% @PepperPotts  
I took Tony’s phone, he cannot under any circumstances say anymore on this. @TonyStark I love you but don’t make another PR nightmare this week.

IronMan @TonyStark  
*Lips sealed emoji*

12% @PepperPotts  
Good, keep it that way

Buzzfeed News @BuzzfeedNews  
Who are these two kids who Tony Stark claimed to be in his will? Find out here!

IronMan @TonyStark  
@Buzzfeed want to get sued? I thought not, delete the article

[We’re sorry this webpage doesn’t exist]

[Midtown Decathlon Discord, minus Peter Ned and Flash]  
Betty: Guys, Peter knows Tony Stark, they have inside jokes. Peter’s in TONY STARK’S GODDAMN WILL. He also knows the PRINCESS OF WAKANDA! WHAT??????  
Cindy: I saw, it’s so weird. I bet Flash won’t even see it  
Abe: for sure, he’s so oblivious  
MJ: They’re all oblivious, it’s so obvious, only Flash doesn’t know  
Betty: Ignorance is bliss right?  
Cindy: True but how far will it have to go before Flash realizes?  
Abe: wayyyyy to long, if he realizes at all that is  
MJ: Good thing we’re competent liars, or else they would have been exposed months ago.  
Cindy: IRK! They’re so bad, but like we can’t crush their spirits  
Abe: but i kinda want to ngl  
Betty: You will not, we agreed that we’d pretend to fall for it. And besides we’ve become really good actors since it started  
Abe: true, true

Interns of SI @SI_Interns  
Taking bets now, how long will @GwenStacy be on tour duty for, or whatever the boss comes up with.  
[It’s a video of Harley working on a project. He screws in a screw. “Harder daddy” the speakers say really loud. Harley falls out of his chair. The camera man starts laughing as do the other interns. “GWEN!” Harley shouts. The camera turns to Gwen who’s practically dying on the ground. “You better not be recording this,” Harley says turning to the cameraman. The video cuts out abruptly]

Gwendolyn is my name @GwenStacy  
Guess who just got banned from the labs above floor 15 and tour duty for a month….. Me I did. And let me just tell you boss: I REGRET NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Motorcycle @HarleyKeener  
@ me next time coward, also make it another month of tour duty and in the lower labs

I live @PBP  
You’re drunk on power

Motorcycle @HarleyKeener  
Damn right I am

Gwendolyn is my name @GwenStacy  
I’m sorry Harley, don’t make me stay below floor 15 for two months, tour duty is fine. But if I have to work on the new StarkPhone for TWO MONTHS I’ll go insane

I live @PBP  
Stark Industries, where to the outside world working on the new StarkPhone would be amazing but inside is one of the least desired jobs and where people are sent when they fuck up really badly.

Gwendolyn is my name @GwenStacy  
@HarleyKeener I’ll buy you coffee for a month, just don’t make me go below floor 15 for two months

Motorcycle @HarleyKeener  
2 weeks on floor 15 and a month of coffee when you come back up

Gwendolyn is my name @GwenStacy  
2 weeks of coffee

Motorcycle @HarleyKeener  
3 weeks take it or leave it

Gwendolyn is my name @GwenStacy  
Deal


	3. Prank wars and Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have no self control...
> 
> WARNING: Misgendering and deadnaming at the start

In Peter’s physics class  
Peter’s phone rang, he ignored it. But whoever it was kept calling back.  
“Penny, if whoever’s calling you is that important answer it, and since they don’t care that you in class put it on speaker,” Mr. Harrington sighed.  
Peter answered his phone.  
“My darling fiance, love of my life why haven’t you answered the phone? Are you calling off the wedding?” Shuri said dramatically.  
Peter’s face burned and his classmates gave him funny looks “Shuri, I’m in physics, everyone can hear you, can you drop the whole fiance thing already? It was an accident,” Peter said quickly.  
“I’ll forget about it the day I die.”  
“You’re the worst.”  
Shuri cackled “you have no idea,” and promptly hung up.  
“Everyone back to work,” Mr. Harrington said clearly tired, of what is unknown. Maybe it's just life. Maybe the students, no one knows.

[Twitter]  
Bitch @PrincessShuriofWakanda  
[It’s a video of Shuri calling Peter. After a few tries he picks up. Shuri says dramatically “My darling fiance, love of my life why haven’t you answered the phone? Are you calling off the wedding?” It’s silent for a moment Peter speaks “I’ll forget about it the day I die.” she said proclaimed “You’re the worst.” Peter stated. Shuri cackled “you have no idea,” and promptly hung up.]

I live @PBP  
THAT’S WHY YOU CALLED ME! THIS. IS. WAR.

Bitch @PrincessShuriofWakanda  
You sure? Because I think I already won

Peter went into the interns discord.

[Interns Discord]  
Peter: I’m in a prank war with Shuri, whos on my team?  
Gwen: I saw, sorry Peter but I’m on the winning side.  
Dave: Same  
Peggy: Sorry Pete  
Mat: Sorry  
Peter: Harley?  
Harley: Leave me out of this  
Shuri: I’m destined to win Peter, it’s inevitable

[Twitter]  
All is fair in love and war @PBP  
@BlackWidow @TonyStark @Hawkeye @JBB @Wanda @Loki @Falcon @Spiderman Shuri started a prank war, help me win.

Scarlet Witch @Wanda  
What about the interns???

All is fair in love and war @PBP  
They took Shuri’s side, the traitors. I want to win, help me win Wanda.

Interns of SI @SI_Interns  
@ us next time coward

All is fair in love and war @PBP  
No, you’re cowards for siding with Shuri

Iron Man @TonyStark  
I’ll help, so will Clint, I assume Bucky and Spiderman will too

Nat @BlackWidow  
Of course I’ll help you Peter

God of Mischief @Loki  
I’ll help next time I’m on Midgard, it will be soon.

All is fair in love and war @PBP  
@PrincessShuriofWakanda You’re going down

The Winning Team @PrincessShuriofWakanda  
Not if I can help it Parker, don’t be so sure about the White Wolf

White Wolf @JBB  
Shit idk who to side with, Peter has half the Avengers and Shuri is Shuri. I’ll grab the popcorn and watch

Can’t hear you @Hawkeye  
I’ll sit this one out too, save some popcorn for me Bucky

White Wolf @JBB  
Grab your own

Alec-B @AlecB  
………………What the fuuuuuuck……………

Gwendolyn is my name @GwenStacy  
¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Interns of SI @SI_Interns  
Help @HarleyKeener   
[It’s a video of Peter with his face blurred out running around the lab on the walls and ceiling]

Motorcycle @HarleyKeener  
@TonyStark come get ya kid, I’m not dealing with this shit. 

Iron Man @TonyStark  
I’m busy, figure it out kid

Motorcycle @HarleyKeener  
Fine @GwenStacy get your ass up here and help me stop this child from destroying everything.

[An Hour later]  
Interns of SI @SI_Interns  
He needed to sleep anyway  
[It’s a picture of Peter with his face blurred webbed to the wall]

Iron Fan @IronFan23542  
Does this happen a lot??

Interns of SI @SI_Interns  
Surprisingly standard procedure if someone hasn’t slept in over 48 hours. Tony Stark holds the record for times webbed to a wall. And also for when @Spiderman gets his hands on some coffee. Idk how he does it, he can’t get close to the stuff w/o an alert from FRIDAY. 

Nat @BlackWidow  
Who gave my Spider Child coffee. Turn on your location I just wanna talk

Iron Man @TonyStark  
MY Spider child Nat?

Nat @BlackWidow  
Fight me Stark

Iron Man @TonyStark  
Just…. An observation

Nat @BlackWidow  
That’s what I thought

Spooderman @Spiderman  
I’m back everyone! And no longer have caffeine in me

Motorcycle @HarleyKeener  
Thank fucking god, never drink coffee again or I’ll personally kill you

Spooderman @Spiderman  
If I go missing it was him who did it

Iron Man @TonyStark  
@HarleyKeener kill him and you’re out of the will

Spooderman @Spiderman  
TAKE THAT HARLEY!

Motorcycle @HarleyKeener  
I haven’t done anything yet, I’m still in the will. Bitch

Spooderman @Spiderman  
For now…..


	4. Feild trips and donugts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluff is next I swear.
> 
> WARNING: misgendering, deadnaming, and food (I think?) comment if there are any other triggers

[Gwen Vlogging]  
“Hey everyone. It’s Gwen, today since I’m still on tour duty I figured I’d show you what a typical tour is like. Minus all the confidential stuff. Please don’t fire me Mr. Stark, and Harley can I go off tour duty now? I said I was sorry,” Gwen said. She’d made a tiny camera that the tour group wouldn’t be able to see. “If you’re wondering if this is legal, it is the permission slips all say that you get recorded, I edit out all names and faces and other stuff so people can have privacy, I also change the voices so no one can tell who is who, perfect privacy. I do not want to get sued and neither does SI, we’re a law abiding company. There are also about six NDA’s everyone has to sign in case you're wondering.”  
The video cut to Gwen standing in front of the tour group “Hey everyone I’m Gwen Stacy and I’ll be your tour guide today,” Gwen said going over the boring tour guide stuff that was fast forwarded.  
It stopped “Peter I know I didn’t take your side in the prank war but you can’t pretend to be part of the tour group!” Gwen said spotting him.  
“This is my class Gwen,” someone said.  
Gwen laughed “No [REDACTED]? Oh [REDACTED] I shouldn’t be swearing,” Gwen said making the group laugh.  
The teacher spoke up “Aren’t you supposed to be professional?” He asked.  
“If Harley wanted someone to be professional then he wouldn’t have had me do this for two months,” Gwen joked.  
Someone snorted offscreen.  
After fastforwarding of the hall of heroes Gwen made someone walk first into the Intern lab. They were bombarded with Nerf bullets by the interns inside.  
“Sorry Peter, prank war and all. FRIDAY release the beasts. The beasts are Roombas that have been altered to clean up certain material, in this case Nerf bullets,” Gwen quickly explained. “Ok there’s an activity for you guys to do. Try and design something, draw out a blueprint and try to build it. We’ll be judging what you’ve made, if it’s any good you might get contacted to help make it real so take it seriously,” Gwen said.  
After about half an hour FRIDAY made an announcement. “Peter there’s a call from Fiance would you like to answer?”  
“Sure FRIDAY,” Someone said. The camera turned to face the hologram of Princess Shuri.  
“Peter! Love of my life! Did you like what me and the interns planned?” Shuri asked.  
“I’ll get you back Shuri, I have Loki on my team and I’m not going to lose,” Peter said before hanging up.]

During the tour Rhodey had to call Peter up to web Tony to a wall since he hadn’t slept in two days. Peter was able to convince Rhodey to have Harley do it. When Harley was told he Tweeted Peter

Motorcycle @HarleyKeener  
@PBP Lazy bitch

All is fair in love and war @PBP  
Dude! I’m busy!

Motorcycle @HarleyKeener  
It’s your job to do

All is fair in love and war @PBP  
You could have texted me, or @ me on the discord. But you brought it to Twitter. If I’m a lazy bitch your a petty bitch.

Motorcycle @HarleyKeener  
You’re*

my name is Gwyneth @GwenStacy  
Stop before I @ Tony, also @PBP listen to my fucking tour before I call you out for tweeting during a feild trip.

All is fair in love and war @PBP  
YOU’RE THE TOUR GUIDE!! HOW IS YOU TWEETING ANY BETTER?????

AND PEGGY @MargretStewart  
How about All three of you get off Twitter @GwenStacy @PBP @HarleyKeener

All is fair in love and war @PBP  
Yes Peggy

my name is Gwyneth @GwenStacy  
Sorry Peggy

Motorcycle @HarleyKeener  
Sorry Peggy we’ll get off

Iron Man @TonyStark  
One word from @MargertStewart and you all get on Twitter but I have to take away your lab privileges to get you to do work?

my name is Gwyneth @GwenStacy  
Mr. Stark you may be the boss and stuff, but if Peggy tells you to do something you do it. She’s all our brain cells and common sense if she says to do something, it’s best to do it. She’s our @PepperPotts

Iron Man @TonyStark  
I understand completely 

[Later on the discord without Peter and Shuri]  
Gwen: @Everyone Guys, I was going over the footage of the tour video watch this:   
[clips removed and put into a compilation from the tour. The tour started behind Gwen you could hear someone say “Penis how much did you have to pay her to pretend she knows you?”  
No one said anything or even seems to realize he’d said anything.  
On their way out of the labs the mic picked up someone saying “What did you have to do to get a princess and all those interns to say they knew you Penny? I can only imagine,” followed by a cruel laugh.]  
Peggy: Who said that  
Peggy: Who fucking said that to Peter? @Everyone you have to watch this.  
Dave: Oh my god.  
Mat: What do we do? Harley?  
Harley: No one says that shit to my brother. Ever. How dare that kid dead name Peter. I don’t know, I think we need to send it to Tony, I’ll do it. Gwen get more footage from Friday so we can see who this bitch ass punk is.  
Gwen: Will do, I’m going to murder that kid, and if it ever gets out so will everyone in the tower.  
Harley: You mean when it gets out. This shit will not be covered up

[Harley>Tony]  
Harley: You need to see this  
Tony: Who said that? Who said that to MY KID  
Harley: Not sure, send it to Peter’s aunt

[Tony>Aunt May]  
Tony: An intern got something on video you need to see.  
Aunt May: Whoever said that is going to pay. Tony you have my permission to do your worst.  
Tony: I know, I’m working on it now. This kid won’t get away with it that’s for damn sure

[Twitter]  
Interns of SI @SI_Interns  
We can’t say who or why but some shits going down and all of us are ready to kill a bitch. More info soon if we’re legally allowed to say anything. We’re taking this motherfucker down. If we can’t we’re still killing a bitch. No. 1 rule of the interns and tbh the tower, protect the Kid.

Andy’s Coming @Andy  
That wasn’t ominous at all....

Interns of SI @SI_Interns  
It was supposed to be, we’re not joking around, we protect the Kid at all costs and if that means murder then it means murder

Buzzfeed News @BuzzfeedNews  
The popular twitter account @SI_Intersn just posted a strange message saying that something happened and the company will take possible legal action if necessary.

Interns of SI @SI_Interns  
On behalf of everyone at Stark Tower including Tony Stark and Pepper Potts @BuzzfeeNews Fuck off, @TonyStark and @PepperPotts take it from here.

Iron Man @TonyStark  
My dumbass interns are right, Buzzfeed stay out of this and to my dumbass interns, you’re all fired if you post about this issue again. But for telling me about it in the first place you all get a deadline extension on one of your projects.

my name is Gwyneth @GwenStacy  
1\. We are not dumbasses 2. We swear we won’t say anything 3. Sweet

Motorcycle @HarleyKeener  
Yes you are

my name is Gwyneth @GwenStacy  
Bitch, we’re all dumbasses, including you. The only people who aren’t are Peggy and Dave

12% @PepperPotts  
Tony’s right. Stay out of it, @BuzzfeedNews. If necessary, there will be a press conference held by us. FULL legal action will be taken, I can assure you.

We Stan Iron Dad @IrondadStan  
Damn, I’d hate to be on the receiving end of that. RIP to whoever they’re talking about. 

[Dunkin]  
Gwen and Peter were waiting in line at Dunkin Donuts. “We have coffee in the tower. We didn’t have to go get some,” Peter complained.  
“Harley wanted us out, and a coffee run was the best excuse. Also Peggy wants a donut,” Gwen said. She spotted the Flash kid come in. “I’ll be back in a minute, save our place,” she said bugging Peter. Gwen went into the bathroom and listened to the bug.  
“Hey Penny Parker now I get why that girl, what was her name? Gwen? Pretended to know you. You must be desperate to look good considering she’s in college and you’re just a stupid, worthless tranny in high school,” he said his voice low.   
Gwen was furious and stormed out of the bathroom, she was so furious she hadn’t noticed a spider that had bitten her. She didn’t acknowledge Flash, barely looked at him. She knew if even glanced at him they’d be on national news at best. “Peter, thanks for saving my place, let’s get the coffee and donuts before Harley calls to ask where we are,” She said lightly pretending she hadn’t heard what Flash had said.  
Peter nodded numbly. While walking past Flash, Gwen made sure to bump him hard in the shoulder.  
After Peter had left Gwen showed the others and sent it to Tony.  
All the interns were quiet for a minute while they processed what they’d heard.  
Harley was first to say anything “That motherfucking bitch. How dare he treat Peter that way. No one says that shit to my brother.”  
“I agree, he can’t get away with this. We need more evidence, if we can get enough then it could do severe damage,” Mat said they were calm but everyone could feel the quiet furry radiating off of them.   
Dave nodded “We have to do something about this kid, I’ll find what I can about him and his family.”  
Peggy looked like she was going to cry “Gwen, help me bug all Peter’s clothes, we need to be able to gather recordings and get a decent amount of them. Tell Mr. Stark.”


	5. Hamiltrash, a sticky situation and Peppermint oil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to run out of stuff if I keep posting everyday but whatever. Also I figured out how to do Rich text so it looks nicer
> 
> WARNINGS: Swearing, implied sexual favors, deadnaming and idk that's it I think

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

@MargertStewart is an amazing singer and is super self conscious about it. Positivity only.

[The person behind the camera says “Friday, protocol Hamiltrash.” Helpless from Hamilton starts playing. Peggy starts singing along. The voice slowly fades out without her realizing. Near the end Peggy stops realizing everyone’s staring at her. The interns start clapping. And Peggy blushes “I’m not good you guys, my voice is really bad,” She says. “Peggy you’re like a sister and I love you, so I’m going to say this one time and one time only. You’re an amazing singer, and fuck anyone who says otherwise,” Gwen said firmly]

**Spooderman** @Spiderman

I’ll go first: Peggy you’re a great singer, and tbh totally honored to have you help out with my suit. Thanks for always patching me up and making sure a few people (@PrincessShuriofWakanda @GwenStacy) don’t trick me into drinking coffee.

**my name is Gwyneth** @GwenStacy

Peggy as I said in the video, you’re like a sister to me and seriously you're such a good singer it’s insane. Also @Spiderman I fuckin told you not to

**The Winning Team** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Peggy I love your singing, it’s very good and since @SI_Interns said positivity only I’m going to ignore @Spiderman @GwenStacy ‘s comments directed at me because this is SUPPOSED to be POSITIVE

**Nat** @BlackWidow

You have a wonderful voice Peggy

**12%** @PepperPotts

I agree

**My Friends call me MJ** @MJ

Gotta admit it’s good

**Ned** @NedLeeds

High praise from @MJ you should be proud @MargretStewart if MJ likes it you know it’s good.

**All is fair in love and war** @PBP

^^^

  
  


**my name is Gwyneth** @GwenStacy

WTF!?!?!?!??!?!?

Peter’s phone rang in class. It was Spanish this time. He saw it was Harley and ignored it. Harley kept calling.

“Penny, pick up the phone,” his spanish teacher said.

Peter nodded and picked it up trying to ignore that he was dead named. “What? I’m in Spanish.”

“Gwen has spider powers. She’s sticking to the wall and shit. Come to the tower now,” Harley yelled.

“I’m in Spanish!” Peter said.

“Fine, I’ll pick you up at 3.”

“I have decathlon practice,”

“PETER! This is important, either me or I get Tony to get you, if I could I’d send Gwen but this is about her so she can’t go embarrass you.”

Peter rolled his eyes “You won’t do it,”

“Listen here you little bitch, I can and will,”

“Jesus Christ! Fine! Email me the stuff and I’ll look over it,”

“I already did, it’s not much,”

Peter hung up.

“Peter, who was it?” The teacher asked.

“My boss, there’s an emergency at the tower,” Peter said.

Thankfully she didn’t say anything, but looked skeptical. No one believed Peter had an internship. Flash made sure of that.

After class, Flash spoke to Peter. “What was the call really about, Penny? We all know highschoolers don’t have internships at Stark Industries. Still paying back all those people for lying? It sounded like it from the phone call,” Flash said.

Peter didn’t say anything and didn’t have to, MJ stepped in “at least he has an excuse for missing practice, you don’t. Good thing you’re just an alternate.”

Peter gave MJ a grateful look.

When Peter walked out of school he saw Harley.

“Peter! Let’s go!” Harley called impatiently.

“It’s been five seconds!” Peter said.

“Do I look like I give a shit?” Harley asked a little to loud.

Peter flipped him off.

“Bitch, I’m your ride.”

“I’ll walk,”

“Like hell you will. Tony’ll have my head if you do, get on already.”

Peter rolled his eyes and took Harley’s extra helmet. They drove off on Harley’s harley. Leaving at least a few people very confused.

  
  


**Spooderman** @Spiderman

A S S A U L T

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Here we go……… 

**Spooderman** @Spiderman

@TonyStark he sprayed me with PEPPERMINT OIL! ASSAULT!

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

The fuck kid? @HarleyKeener DISOWNED

**All is fair in love and war** @PBP

Does this mean I’m back in the will?

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

@PBP fuck off. @TonyStark I was trying to stop him from touching my shit

**Spooderman** @Spiderman

I COULDN’T BREATH

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW

**Spooderman** @Spiderman

IT’S IN THE THING LIKE HOW I CAN’T HAVE COFFEE! LOOK IN THE FILE BEFORE YOU REALLY DO KILL ME

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Kid you kinda fucked up, read the damn file

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

I DID

**Spooderman** @Spiderman

CLEARLY NOT WELL ENOUGH

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

You’re fine now!

**Spooderman** @Spiderman

NO THANKS TO YOU WITHOUT @MargertStewart I’D BE DEAD

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

You’re so damn dramatic, get off the ceiling

**Spooderman** @Spiderman

NO

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

I’m getting the broom

**Spooderman** @Spiderman

Try me bitch

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

[It’s a video of Harley trying to hit Spiderman (with his face blurred) off the ceiling with a broom. He puts it down panting. “Hey is that a spider next to you?” Harley askes. Spiderman falls off the ceiling in a panic. Harley laughs maniacally at him “Works every time,” he says still laughing. 

Spiderman hisses at him “fuck you,” he says going back to the ceiling.]

**SpideyForever** @SpideyWeb

Wait… SPIDERMAN is SCARED of SPIDERS?????

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Yes and it’s the best

**Spooderman** @Spiderman

No it’s fucking not! FUCK YOU

**my name is Gwyneth** @GwenStacy

@Spiderman @HarleyKeener Y’all stop arguing, there’s an emergency, fucking help me.

**Spooderman** @Spiderman

Right, sorry Gwen

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

How come you listened to Gwen but not me?

**Spooderman** @Spiderman

Gwen’s fucking scary that’s why

**my name is Gwyneth** @GwenStacy

Boys… help me or else

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Yes ma’am

**Spooderman** @Spiderman

Yes ma’am

**My Friends call me MJ** @MJ

You @GwenStacy I like you

**Ned** @NedLeeds

They can never meet @PBP

**All is fair in love and war** @PBP

Agreed

**My Friends call me MJ** @MJ

Bold of you to assume you can stop me

**my name is Gwyneth** @GwenStacy

Bold of you to assume that I’m not even more determined to do it now then ever @PBP

**All is fair in love and war** @PBP

I forgot how spiteful you can be. well everyone, they’re going to take over the world. be prepared.


	6. Pride Month on Twitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no warnings, I don't think anyway
> 
> enjoy!

**[Pride month tweets]**

**Spooderman** @Spiderman

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

@SteverRogers Spiderman said a bad language word

**CaptainAmerica** @SteveRogers

Am I ever going to live that down?

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

No

**Bruce Banner** @Dr.Banner

No

**Nat** @BlackWidow

No

**Can’t hear you** @Hawkeye

No

**White Wolf** @JBB

No

**God of Mischief** @Loki

No

**God of Thunder** @Thor

No 

**Scarlet Witch** @Wanda

No

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

no

**CaptainAmerica** @SteveRogers

Son of a bitch

**Spooderman** @Spiderman

Omg I didn’t know Cap could swear

**Spooderman** @Spiderman

Anyway back to what I was saying: HAPPY PRIDE MONTH MOTHERFUCKERS. It may come as a surprise but I am NOT straight. I am a bisexual disaster and trans

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

If anyone thought this motherfucker was straight and cis then y’all be blind

**Bindererman** @Spiderman

stfu you didn’t know, therefore by your own logic your blind

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

That’s because you pass, bitch

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

@HarleyKeener being aggressively positive to spiderman about passing is my new aesthetic.

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

gtfo Twitter and do some damn work

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Do some damn work yourself, you have to do shit too

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

And the interns would like to announce not all of us are straight or cis. Gwen is gay as hell, Peggy is ace-aro (google it you uncultured swine, we’re not here to give you people a vocab lesson) Mat is NB and Dave is straight and cis. The only one. Harley said that I can’t say what he is so that’s it. Also Peter is trans.

**God of Mischief** @Loki

I would also like to announce, that like Spiderman I am not as you midgardians say cis.

**God of Thunder** @Thor

Loki is gender fluid

**Bindererman** @Spiderman

We stan one (1) gender fluid god

**God of Thunder** @Thor

Loki is not the only genderfluid god

**Bindererman** @Spiderman

My mistake we stan all genderfluid and nb gods. Unless they’re like Hitler or really evil we stan

  
  


**Flash Thompson started a petition:**

Rename Spiderman Spidergirl 

6,256 people have signed

**Bindererman** @Spiderman

I’ve been seeing a petition going around to call me spidergirl??? No???? I am spiderman? You can’t change that??? Wtf I’m spiderman??? I’m not a girl??? I’m a male? Y’all are transphobic pieces of shit??

**my name is Gwyneth** @GwenStacy

I love how they’re presented as questions when they are in fact facts. 

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

All of the interns can and will throw hands with anyone who says @Spiderman is a girl. And so with the motherfucking avengers

**Nat** @BlackWidow

If anyone calls my spider son a girl they will die

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Same

**Bindererman** @Spiderman

Thanks y’all, y’all are true allies


	7. Flashs' ego gets destroyed and Gwen starts world domination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bit of misgendering and deadnaming.

**[Interns discord w/o Peter]**

**Harley:** What have you guys got on this bitch Flash?

**Peggy:** He harasses Peter a lot in school. The teachers don’t do anything

**Dave:** His family has money and his parents have a ton of power in the school since they donate so much money. That’s why the school ignores it, any complaints against him are never investigated.

**Harley:** Gwen, there’s a thing at Midtown in a week. Take the motherfucker down a few pegs.

**Gwen:** With pleasure, I’m about to destroy that man’s whole career

**[MidTown Auditorium]**

Peter walked into the auditorium. He saw the other interns and just sighed. Of course. With his Parker Luck™? Of course they were here.

Peter tried to sit at the back so they wouldn’t see him, even though he knew it was no use.

“Hi! We’re interns from Stark Industries, and today, we’ll be talking about what a standard internship is like and how you can apply. Things like what the qualifications are and of course the benefits,” Mat said.

“Firstly to even think about applying, you have to have at least a 3.5 GPA, straight A’s in the subjects required for the type of internship you want. Being bilingual, especially in the business field is a great advantage. If you’re not good at STEM, it’s fine. There are other internships like business and marketing. Those are more traditional and you will have to get coffee at some point or another. We’re in the R&D labs, research and development. There are different levels of interns. We work more closely then the Avengers and have relatively high clearance while others might have lower clearance and not see the Avengers a lot. You can apply in highschool but won’t get an internship until college. Of course there are several special cases like Gwen, Harley and a few more. You usually need to be in college,” Peggy explained.

“There are benefits too. You’re able to make something that SI produces it can get a patent, you’ll get not all but most of the money from sales. SI also helps with college even though we’re not paid per se, we get valuable experience and can work at SI after college SI also help with our tuition-”

Gwen cut in “Because without it most of us wouldn’t be able to eat and we’d be too busy to go to class and get a degree,” That comment earned a few laughs.

Dave frowned at Gwen but continued, “Yes, that too. Just being an intern in any field at SI can help you get a job after college, even if it’s not in the company. We have forms for the end in case anyone is interested.”

Gwen motioned to a complex problem on the board “This is one of the more simple problems that R&D interns have to do almost daily, who want to try it?”

Flash raised his hand. Gwen saw and smiled to herself “I’m about to end this man’s whole career.” she said under her breath.

“Do it, Gwen. Destroy that kid,” Peggy said darkly, which surprised Gwen. Peggy only ever spoke that way when she was pissed, and even then it was rare for her to speak like that. She had to be furious. 

“You! What’s your name?” Gwen said, picking Flash.

“Flash Thompson,” Flash said smugly, walking to the board and basking in the attention.

“Great. Flash! Have a go at it,” Gwen said trying to sound light, like she didn’t want to murder the kid in fron of everyone.

Flash tried and failed miserably. Gwen gave a kind smile “Oooh, sorry. That was a good try. Maybe someday you’ll be able to do it. Who else wants to try?”

Peter didn’t raise his hand and tried to hide, but it didn’t work.

Gwen didn’t even look. “Peter! How about you do it, I’d hardly call it a challenge for you,” Gwen said.

Peter sighed and went to the board.

“Explain the steps as you go along please,” Gwen said taking out a notebook for notes.

Peter rolled his eyes “You’re trying to get me to do your work for you,” He said quietly.

“Maybe, but seriously do the problem and get the damn thing right, or else,” Gwen whispered back.

Peter rolled his eyes at the threat but did the problem easily and explained the steps.

Gwen and Dave both wrote down what Peter said. Something they always did when Peter went over something complex.

When he sat back down Flash sneered at him “I bet they told you the answer beforehand. No way a girl could be better at that than me,” He said.

Gwen heard thanks to her new spider hearing “I’m going to kill a bitch.” She muttered.

“Believe me, we all want to. But it’s against the law. So instead, we’ll destroy his world. Let him suffer for what he’s done to Peter,” Peggy said without a hint of remorse.

At the end, Flash took an application and smiled. Gwen smiled back.

“Thinking of applying? You know only a handful of people out of thousands get an interview, you have to be really special to do that.”

Flash puffed his chest out confidently “I am. Also, you’re pretty hot. How old are you? Can I have your snap?” He flirted.

“I’m seventeen, and I don’t give out my snap to random people. Sorry,” Gwen said not at all sorry.

MJ shoved Flash “Stop flirting with her loser, leave so the rest of us can get an application.”

Flash glared “I’m not a loser! And one day very soon I’ll be working at SI, where will you be? McDonalds?

MJ rolled her eyes “Somewhere far away from you, that’s for sure.”

Gwen snickered “What are you interested in?”

“I’m MJ and something like PR or what Ms. Potts does,”

“That’s great, Pepper’s a jack of all trades in business. Didn’t we talk on Twitter? Peter said something about if we ever met we’d take over the world,” Gwen said.

MJ nodded “Yeah, he did.”

“I’m Gwen Stacy. If you want, I can try to fast track the application. Do you have a portfolio of any sort? I can look it over and give it to Pepper,” Gwen offered.

MJ smiled a little “I’ll DM it to you on Twitter.”

“Great, can’t wait to see it,” Gwen said.

MJ left with a form.

“You could have just said you’re gay Gwen,” Dave said.

Gwen shrugged.

Mat elbowed Gwen “That was smooth, getting her to DM you.”

“I wasn’t trying to be smooth, I was trying to be a good intern.”

“It was still very smooth........ Ow!”

  
  
  


**[Midtown Decathlon discord minus Peter, Ned & Flash]**

**Abe:** was it just me or did that intern girl look like she wanted to punch Flash before he even said anything? She also called on Peter really fast

**Betty:** I noticed that too. I wonder how she could know Flash. We all know the internship is real, but why would they be pissed at Flash?

**Cindy:** No idea, we should find out

**MJ:** I’ll see what I can do.


	8. Training, the winners of the Prank war and Spiderwoman joins twitter and promptly destroys Flash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another chapter! I still have a lot to post surprisingly so for now daily updates will continue I guess

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Training yesterday.

[A picture of Spiderman in his suit and another person swinging around]

**Nat** @BlackWidow

You mean to tell me there’s another spider child and I wasn’t told

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Never have I felt more terror then seeing that sentence right there.

**Nat** @BlackWidow

Is there or is there not another spider child?

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

You’ll have to ask @Spiderman sorry Ms. Black Widow ma’am

**Nat** @BlackWidow

I’ll do that

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Why does it feel like I just dodged a bullet?

**Can’t hear you** @Hawkeye

Because you dodged a fucking bullet

  
  


Peter was at lunch when his phone rang for a third time during school hours.

He picked it up on the first ring. After all, you don’t let Nat go to voicemail.

Natasha started talking to him in Russian.  _ “Why didn’t you tell me I have another child, Peter?”  _

_ “Because we’re still figuring everything out, but we were going to tell everyone after she could control her powers and stuff. she has some that I don’t so we’re still seeing what she can do,” _ Peter replied in the same language.

_ “Alright then. Tell her that I want to train with her. She's my child now. That’s the rule and I make sure my children get proper training.” _

_ “I will, “Peter chuckled. ”I have to go now.” _

_ “See you later, spider child. Oh, Loki is here. He’s decided to wait outside of the school for you,” _

Peter spat out the water he was drinking “What?” He said in english.

Nat hung up.

Ned looked at him “I didn’t know you knew Russian.”

“I kinda just picked it up,” Peter said. It wasn’t a lie, really. After all, Nat had taught him and he was very good.

**Nat** @BlackWidow

It’s confirmed, I have a second spider child

**Buzzfeed News** @BuzzfeedNews

Loki has be spotted in Queens

**God of Mischief** @Loki

@BuzzfeedNews Fuck off I’m not hurting anyone, just here to help a friend

“Loki’s outside!” Someone screamed.

Students around Peter immediately started to panic.

Peter just rolled his eyes and walked outside even though people tried to stop him. Someone even grabbed his arm trying to stop him saying almost hysterically “he’s going to kill you!” Peter kept walking shaking them off.

Outside he saw Loki “Loki! M, F both or neither?”

“Neither today, young Starkson,” Loki said.

They did a hand shake. “So I was thinking about the prank war. My idea is moving chemicals around, so that Shuri makes something explode. It makes a mess, and with your magic, it would look like everything went the way it was supposed to until BAM! everything’s a mess,” Peter said as they started walking.

“I like it. I too have an idea-” Loki said as they started walking away from Midtown High.

  
  


**All is fair in love and war** @PBP

@PrincessShuriofWakanda now @Loki is here you’re so going down

[A picture of Peter and Loki smiling at the camera taking a selfie, Peter’s holding the phone]

**The Winning Team** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Don’t be so sure my darling fiance

**All is fair in love and war** @PBP

You have to let that go

**The Winning Team** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

No

**Ned** @NedLeeds

I’m dying to know how that happened

**All is fair in love and war** @PBP

I was practicing my Wakandan and tried to ask Shuri for help but accidentally asked her to marry me. And she won’t let me forget

**The Winning Team** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Because it’s hilarious

**My Friends call me MJ** @MJ

That’s on you Parker

**All is fair in love and war** @PBP

Thanks MJ…………

**My Friends call me MJ** @MJ

No problem loser

  
  


**All is fair in love and war** @PBP

Take that @PrincessShuriofWakanda (we switched the chemicals and @Loki did an illusion for everyone wondering how we did it)

[It’s a video of Shuri mixing chemicals. Everything goes well until everything changes. There’s multicolored foam everywhere and Shuri is covered head to toe.]

**The Losing Team** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

You win Peter, that was good, 

**The winners** @PBP

HELL YEAH! WE WON!

  
  


**my name is Gwyneth** @GwenStacy

@PBP @NedLeeds Guess who’s taking over the world

[A picture of MJ and Gwen with coffee]

**The winners** @PBP

Shit, we’re all dead

**My Friends call me MJ** @MJ

Damn right you’re all dead losers

**The winners** @PBP

@NedLeeds I’m scared

**My Friends call me MJ** @MJ

Good

**my name is Gwyneth** @GwenStacy

You should be

**The Losing Team** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Next time I’m in America, I want to meet up with both of you. You guys seem really cool. If Peter is scared that you two are going to take over the world then I want to fucking help.

**My Friends call me MJ** @MJ

Of course

**my name is Gwyneth** @GwenStacy

Hell yeah! I’m down

  
  
  


**Spiderwoman** @Spiderwoman

Guess who got a motherfucking twitter bitches?

**Bindererman** @Spiderman

Me and @Spiderwoman are ultimate spider duo

**Flash** @FlashThompson

Shouldn’t it be spidergirl?

**Spiderwoman** @Spiderwoman

No dickwad, spiderwoman. Like how @Spiderman isn’t Spiderboy, that’s stupid and sexist, why should I be a girl while he’s a man? Either respect that I’m spiderwoman or get the fuck out

**Bindererman** @Spiderman

@Spiderwoman you tell them

**Nat** @BlackWidow

@FlashThompson don’t disrespect my children again

**My Friends call me MJ** @MJ

Well said @Spiderwoman

**Spiderwoman** @Spiderwoman

Thank you @MJ btw I love your blog, very empowering that’s where I got it from

**My Friends call me MJ** @MJ

adfgsjfjdghshjkshflsd

**The winners** @PBP

@Spiderwoman congrats you broke MJ


	9. Peggy goes on a rampage and suicide by peppermint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All in the title (no one actually dies, I'm not that mean)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @MidnightRose your wish has been granted

**Midnight Rose** @RoseM

A girl is chasing @Spiderman around the floor yelling at him to take something off? That’s it’s not healthy?? What’s going on???

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

That’s @Margert Stewart chasing @Spiderman around about taking off his binder. He’s had it on for 10+ hours.

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Since people want to know what’s going on we’ll tell you. 

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Spidey just went into the vents to escape.

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Peggy found him a few floors down and is still chasing him.

**AND PEGGY** @MargretStewart

@Spiderwoman he jumped out a window. Get him

**AND PEGGY** @MargretStewart

@TonyStark Spiderman hasn’t taken off his binder in twelve hours

**Spiderwoman** @Spiderwoman

On it. Sorry @Spiderman but she’s right you need to take it off

**Bindererman** @Spiderman

@ everyone worrying. Don’t @Spiderwoman chased me down and she and Peggy convinced me to take off my binder. I’m feeling dysphoric as fuck but it’s nice to be able to breathe, ya know?

**AND PEGGY** @MargretStewart

No we don’t know, because SOME people are responsible and don’t wear their binders for extended periods of time like you do

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Kid, what the fuck, I thought you knew how to be responsible and not do stupid shit like that. 

**Bindererman** @Spiderman

I said no such thing Mr. Stark and you can quote me on that

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Anyone who quotes him will get sued

**Bindererman** @Spiderman

No they will NOT

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

I’m sorry who here has a team of lawyers? And who can take away your suit?

**Bindererman** @Spiderman

Last time you did that I almost got crushed by a building lmao

**Nat** @BlackWidow

YOU WERE ALMOST WHAT????

**Nat** @BlackWidow

@TonyStark explain right now why you put one of my children in danger

**Bindererman** @Spiderman

He got in his suit and flew out the window lmao

**Spiderwoman** @Spiderwoman

Go spider mom!

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Shithitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit

**Bindererman** @Spiderman

RIP Iron Man, may your death be painless as possible

**Nat** @BlackWidow

It will not be

**Midnight Rose** @RoseM

👀👀👀👀

  
  
  


**Spiderwoman** @Spiderwoman

@Spiderman S I R T H A T I S M Y E M O T I O N A L S U P P O R T S P I D E R

[video of Spiderwoman holding a tarantula. Spiderman walks into the lab and screams “GET YO FUCKING DOG BITCH!” 

Spiderwoman looks up “It don’t bite,”

“YES IT DO!” He shrieks.]

**Bindererman** @Spiderman

First off: Bitch. Second: No spiders were harmed, spider humans on the otherhand……

**Spiderwoman** @Spiderwoman

I was just chillin with my new bestie, and you had to come scare them, rude. 

**Bindererman** @Spiderman

YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME AT LEAST

**Spiderwoman** @Spiderwoman

And ruin the surprise? No

**Bindererman** @Spiderman

Surprise? You caLL THAT A SURPRISE!!! I WILL GET PEPPERMINT OIL AND I WILL KILL YOU AND YOUR STUPID SPIDER

**Spiderwoman** @Spiderwoman

TRY ME BITCH!!!

**Bindererman** @Spiderman

OMG! @TonyStark SHE ATE A PEPPERMINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE’S DOING SUICIDE BY PEPPERMINT! WTF?????

**Bindererman** @Spiderman

SHE’S STILL ALIVE?????? NOTHING HAPPENED!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK @harleyKeener EXPLAIN PLZ YOU WROTE THE FILE

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Peppermint doesn’t kill @Spiderwoman, I’d tell you what does but this is twitter so I won’t.

**Bindererman** @Spiderman

@Spiderwoman FUCK YOU! I THOUGHT YOU DID SUICIDE BY PEPPERMINT!

**Spiderwoman** @Spiderwoman

Of course not, that’s a stupid way to die.


	10. Twitter famous, Harley goes to school and the end of a Bromance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title is the summary hoes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only fluff!

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Sometimes I forget that I’m Twitter famous bc no one cares at my school, I’m just “that dumbass kid who blew up the science lab like three times” and “that dumbass kid who knows Loki and a princess apparently” and we can’t forget “that dumbass kid who for some reason always carried files no one’s allowed to see” “that not so dumbass kid who can speak Russian” and “I thought that kid didn’t have a brother? Who was that kid who picked him up on a motorcycle the other day who he flipped off then threatened to walk but then didn’t walk” and also “why was that kid called out to do a super complex problem by some Interns from SI do the problem and why did they take notes???” like seriously no one knows my name but everyone  _ knows  _ who I am for some reason or another.

**I’m Liberian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Ok wtf? Explain

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I blew up the science lab a few times, tbh only one of the times was an accident, I tried to mix things up a bit. You know the second thing. SI files that are classified so no one can see them. (Also @TonyStark an ipad or tablet would be better then files, digitize your stuff please it’s annoying to carry around all that stuff and have to flip through it) I speak russian just no one knew I’m not fluent but I know enough to have a conversation. Harley picked me up bc of an emergency and was being annoying. The interns were being dicks (apart from Peggy, Peggy is amazing and can do no wrong) and called on me even though I DIDN’T RAISE MY HAND! THEY CALLED ME OUT! JERKS!

**my name is Gwyneth** @GwenStacy

Sorry not sorry

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Peggy didn’t know about it? Bc if she did she would have stopped you

**my name is Gwyneth** @GwenStacy

First of all yes if Peggy had said no I wouldn’t have done it. She (and Dave) have like 90% of our common sense combined, that’s a fact. If she says no it’s bad, but she didn’t so FUCK YOU PARKER

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

What did I do?????

**my name is Gwyneth** @GwenStacy

Sorry wish I could tell you, but you’d try to stop us. So just forget about it. It wasn’t you though, you’re just a pawn if that makes you feel any better

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

It does not.

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

@TonyStark fuck you

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

It’s for your own good, you barely leave the tower

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Still, fuck you

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

What happened

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

He said I have to go to school

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

To clarify I take (took) online classes

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

HA loser

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

I’m going to your school

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@TonyStark fuck you

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Fair

  
  


**Buzzfeed News** @BuzzfeedNews

Does Tony Stark have two illegitimate children? Find out who they are here!

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

@BuzzfeedNews they are both minors and if you don’t take that article down right now you’re getting sued. They’re kids. And not my kids. Only Morgan is mine, and if you or any other news or tabloid does something on her they will also get sued

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@HarleyKeener damn

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Betrayed by our own dad smh

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

You two are both grounded

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

#Irondadisreal

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Take that down, Pepper will kill you both for the PR nightmare

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Bitch you didn’t make it any better

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

We’re not talking about me, we’re talking about you two

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

*John mulany voice* LeT’s ChAnGe ThE sUbJeCt

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Nice one

  
  
  


**[Harley’s first day of school, as told by tweets]**

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

I just walked in and I hate this place

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

I miss my lab

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

At least there I only needed to talk to like five people tops

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

@TonyStark You’ll pay for this

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Dude it’s only first period

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

This bitchass teacher made me introduce myself. This is highschool. No, no introducing myself. 

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Fuck this is boring.

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Tbh fuck english and like every other class. Maybe AP chem will be good

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

I was wrong. This shit is boring.

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Get off twitter and learn

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Lmao what? This is SO basic. @GwenStacy would be bored. Nothing close to exploding

**my name is Gwyneth** @GwenStacy

^^^^ truth, explosions are interesting

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Maybe if I made something explode this would be more interesting

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Don’t steal my thing, I make stuff explode. There can only be one

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

You, me, the parking lot after school. Whoever wins will get to make explosions

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

You will not

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Tony’s right, I wouldn’t want to hurt you @HarleyKeener

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Shut the fuck up Parker

  
  
  
  
  


**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Spanish is boring, why can’t they have russian or ASL. I’d get an A and maybe learn something.

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Brb gym

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

I hate gym

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

@TonyStark have I mentioned how much I hate you yet?

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Several times

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Make it a few more

  
  


**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

I’m going to punch a bitch

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

I really want to punch a bitch

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Who the fuck do you want to punch???

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

The bitchass kid I told you about. I think I’m going to get suspended or detention if I do but it’ll be worth it.

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Good for you kid, punch him for me.

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Really? Fuck yeah, anyone else want me to punch that bitchass motherfucker for them?

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Make it 4 punches

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Fuck yeah

**12%** @PepperPotts

You will not be punching them, Harley

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Fine, we’re still going to absolutely destroy his life right?

**12%** @PepperPotts

Of course, that goes without saying

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Nice. That bitch get to live another day. Unfortunately 

  
  


**Ned** @NedLeeds

Harley *sits at our table*

Peter: I didn’t say you could sit here.

Harley: I didn’t fucking ask.

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

School food is shit, everything is shit. I was fine doing online classes

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

But apparently I needed to go outside, so the solution was to send me to high school.

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

This fucking sucks

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Stop bitching about school

**Ned** @NedLeeds

Harley: *not looking up from his phone* Make me Parker. 

Peter: I’ll tell Peggy that you- *Harley covers Peter’s mouth.*

Harley: *hisses* Don’t you fucking dare. I will end you

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Due to @PBP being a little bitch I’ve decided to stop complaining about school. For now anyway

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

One day of high school left. How do I fast track this shit? @TonyStark can’t I just go to MIT or something? That would be cool

**my name is Gwyneth** @GwenStacy

Yeah it would be since somehow I go to MIT

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Fuck never mind, I forgot Gwen goes there

**my name is Gwyneth** @GwenStacy

Bitch, I’m a good student, I can do work when I want to

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

At 2 am, with like half a dozen redbulls in a frenzy bc you have a project that you have to turn in in the morning and just started it an hour ago. That you did in the tower while also doing stuff that needed to be done for Dr. Banner

**my name is Gwyneth** @GwenStacy

ONE TIME! THAT WAS ONE TIME

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Press X for doubt

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

X

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

X

**MIT** @MIT

X

**narutoyaoifan** @narutoyaoifan

X

**my name is Gwyneth** @GwenStacy

@PBP betrayal, I thought you were a real bro

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

This is me being a real bro, bro

**my name is Gwyneth** @GwenStacy

No it isn’t bro

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Bro…… 

**my name is Gwyneth** @GwenStacy

Sorry bro but we through, you no longer my bro

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

No please bro! I need you!

**my name is Gwyneth** @GwenStacy

Sorry man but we over. I thought you were a real bro, turns out you just fam

**I’m Liberian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

This is a tragedy like no other, two bros becoming not bros, I’ll hold a funeral for your bromance ending.

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You the only true bro in this horrible time bro

**I’m Liberian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

I try my best bro. @Gwen Stacy you’ve been replaced

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Get the fuck out of my comments hoes, take it to discord

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

How about you pay attention in class

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

How about no.


	11. Plot to get a dog, Spiderwoman shitposts (or are they?) and corruption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> not bad, corruption is not what you think it means, it's NOT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should stop posting daily but whatever, it hasn't caught up to me yet

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Proud to announce that I’m not going to highschool anymore, it seems my production at the tower is slipping, plus without me @GwenStacy seems to start more fires than usual. Can’t say I’ll miss the place tbh.

**my name is Gwyneth** @GwenStacy

YW boss

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Thanks Gwen, maybe you are useful, some of the time at least

**my name is Gwyneth** @GwenStacy

Bitch

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

I said no such thing. @HarleyKeener will still be going to school

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

FUCK!

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

He shouted fuck in the middle of class. I’m dead

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Shut your bitch ass up Perker

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

No and it’s Parker not Perker

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

I do not give a fuck.

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

@TonyStark I’m so bored in school. I will learn NOTHING IN PROTEST. You know what we’re going over in chem? The periodic table. We’re doing goddamn geometry. I know this shit, I’m not going to learn anything. Those are the AP classes, I’m bored out of my mind. I will fail everything to SPITE YOU

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Kid you need a GED

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

I HAVE a GED, can I do MIT courses online? Or go, tbh I don’t even care if Gwen goes there, I just want out of high school.

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I have a solution to Harley going outside

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

What?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

A dog! A big dog that he’ll need to walk, then he has to go outside and get out of the lab

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

That’s just a plot to get a dog

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

It’s working @PepperPotts can we?

**12%** @PepperPotts

If @HarleyKeener takes care of it I don’t see why not

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

And I don’t have to go to highschool?

**12%** @PepperPotts

No, you’re just going to complain, plus Gwen has been setting things on fire more than usual

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

FUCK YEAH!

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

DOG!

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Stop being pure on main, it’s too much for me to handle

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

NEVER!!! UwU

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

AGJDSJFKLDAOUDFHJN

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Now you CAN’T be pure on main 

**Jey-Chan** @Jey

Is he dead??? (also why would he need to ask Pepper and Tony Stark for a dog if he isn’t their kid????) #ironddadisreal

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

webbed him to a wall he’s fine

  
  
  


**Spiderma’am** @Spiderwoman

@TonyStark petition to have an obstacle course on the ceiling. It can be used for spiders and non spiders if it’s swinging or just running on the ceiling dodging shit that can also be dodged for the others. 

**SpiderMAN** @Spiderman

OMG YES!!! That would be so cool!!! Mr. Stark you have to!

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Are you two going to keep bothering me about it until I do it?

**Nat** @BlackWidow

Yes

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Aren’t you meant to be a voice of reason?

**Nat** @BlackWidow

I am, it’s a good idea

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

I’ll talk to the Cap and the others about it. No promises

**Nat** @BlackWidow

Good

  
  
  


**Spiderma’am** @Spiderwoman

To the guy who keeps trying to get with me: Thanks for the flowers, they were pretty good. 

**Spiderma’am** @Spiderwoman

It’s a spider thing guys. And very useful for when someone tried to hit on you. Just take them home and eat the petals. At least they have some use

**Spiderma’am** @Spiderwoman

Stop calling me weird fuckers, I can stick to a wall of course I do spider shit like eat flowers. Fuck off I can eat flower petels if I wont to

  
  
  


**Peter Parkour** @PBP

This is Penny!

[Picture of a husky puppy]

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

I picked the dog he picked the name, ngl this isn’t so bad. I don’t need to go to school and peter (sort of) gets a dog

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I love Penny and I’m gonna train her to be well behaved so she can be in the lab

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

No dogs in the lab.

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

:(

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Puppy eyes are the dogs job now

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Fiddlesticks

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

He refuses to swear around Penny. SHE IS A DOG. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST SAY FUCK

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

PENNY IS MY CHILD AND SHALL NOT BE CORRUPTED

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

@GwenStacy

**my name is Gwyneth** @GwenStacy

Did someone say something about corruption? I’M ON IT

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@HarleyKeener I hate you

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

You have a dog because of me, and I’m taking care of her

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

plz don’t corrupt my dog Gwen

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

She’s cackling at her phone. Fuck I’m scared too, what have I done?


	12. Dunkin Drama

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super short sorry, this is finally catching up with what I have already

Peter, Peggy and Gwen were getting lunch, and quickly started talking about if one of Mat’s more ambitious ideas could work.

“I’m just saying-”

“Gwen, what you’re proposing is merely theoretical. We can’t break the laws of physics to do this.”

“Peter, what’s your take?”

“It could be possible, but to do it would be really hard. We could tell Tony about it and I can call Shuri or something, she might have something we’re missing. But at this point it’s mostly theoretical like Peggy said. But there are plenty of things that were purely theoretical, might as well make it one less,” Peter shrugged.

“Hell yeah! Time to break the laws of physics!” Gwen said pumped.

“Again, we do it on almost a weekly basis, or at least try to.”

The trio got up to leave and walk back to the tower when Flash appears “Hey Penny-”

Peter wished Gwen had helped him holding back Peggy but instead he had to hold both of them back so they didn’t punch Flash.

“Peter Benjamin Parker let me go so I can beat the shit out of that kid right now,” Gwen hissed.

Peter held on firmly “Gwen get it together. You’re usually not this impulsive,” Peter said.

“No, I’m not but what someone fucking deadnames my best friend my moral compass tends to fly out the window.” Gwen hissed.

“Gwen, it’s seriously fine,” Peter insisted.

“No, it’s really not, Peter. It’s not  _ fucking  _ fine. He shouldn’t deadname you all.” Peggy said. She looked furious, but her eyes were sad.

Peter was now genuinely scared Gwen and Peggy both looked ready to kill.

Then Gwen just… stopped. She calmed down “Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, let’s go guys. Harley will be wondering where we are,” she said.

They left, leaving Flash who looks pretty shocked at what had just happened.

**[On the intern discord w/o Peter]**

**Gwen:** We have enough dirt on Flash right?

**Dave:** Yes, we have plenty

**Mat:** definitely enough

**Peggy:** Good, post it online

**Harley:** Did something happen?

**Gwen:** Flash dead named Peter when we got lunch.

**Dave:** We should wait at least a few days, we can get more dirt and if we did it now it could be suspicious

**Harley:** Dave’s right, just a few more days. But soon, this bitch is going down


	13. Useless lesbians and a family sized bag of chips

[AcaDec discord]  
Abe: why does MJ look pissed?  
Abe: more pissed than usual anyway  
MJ: I fell in love with a straight girl  
MJ: AGAIN  
Cindy: Who?  
Betty: Spill the tea!  
MJ: Gwen, the intern who got me the internship  
MJ: Also Shuri, we have a groupchat

[The interns discord]  
Gwen: I HATE LIFE  
Dave: What happened?  
Gwen: I FELL IN LOVE WITH A STRAIGHT GIRL! DAMN IT  
Mat: Who?  
Gwen: MJ the girl who I got the internship for.  
[Gwen kicked Shuri]  
Gwen: Shuri is also hot  
[Message deleted]  
[Gwen added Shuri]  
Gwen: Sorry Shuri it was an accident

Peter Parkour @PBP  
Omg the discord rn

My Friends call me MJ @MJ  
Which discord?

my name is Gwyneth @GwenStacy  
Which discord Peter? Which discord?

Peter Parkour @PBP  
Lmao as if i’d tell, I ain’t no snitch

[Shuri>Peter]  
Shuri: Peter can you kill me please?  
Peter: Why?  
Shuri: i like Gwen and MJ, shoot me now  
Peter: what happened?  
Shuri: We have a gc and just  
Shuri: aghffhjdkshdfj  
Peter: Ah I see  
Shuri: can you shoot me?  
Peter: no, sorry  
Shuri: traitor

I’m Liberian @PrincessShuriofWakanda  
@PBP I hate you

Peter Parkour @PBP  
Bro, you’re such a useless lesbian it’s insane

I’m Liberian @PrincessShuriofWakanda  
I KNOW THAT ALREADY BRO

[AcaDec discord]  
MJ: AGHSFJKLDASFHDJFGDHJFKS  
Peter: Calm down MJ you useless lesbian  
MJ: SHUT THE FUCK UP PETER! I’M IN GAY PANIC RN LET ME PANIC IN PEACE  
Peter: You’re just proving my point  
MJ: [Picture of MJ flipping off the camera]  
Peter:...

[Interns discord]  
[Gwen kicked Shuri]  
Gwen: ADHJKHSDGHJDFGHSDJ  
Peter: Stop being a useless lebian Gwen and get out of you gay panic  
Gwen: Shut the fuck up  
[Gwen deleted 3 messages]  
[Gwen added Shuri]  
Gwen: Sorry Shuri, must be a glitch

Peter Parkour @PBP  
Lmao I know so many useless lesbians it’s insane

my name is Gwyneth @GwenStacy  
Who?

My Friends call me MJ @MJ  
Who?

I’m Liberian @PrincessShuriofWakanda  
Who? Apart from me

Peter Parkour @PBP  
Yes

Peter Parkour @PBP  
Eating a family sized bag of chips  
[Picture of Peter eating a regular sized bag of chips]

Motorcycle @HarleyKeener  
[Am I a joke to you meme]

Peter Parkour @PBP  
@HarleyKeener came down snached my chips out of my hand and poured them all into his mouth without breaking eye contact. Wtf man?

Motorcycle @HarleyKeener  
That’s what you get for saying shit like that bitch. Also I have to establish dominance

Iron Man @TonyStark  
The Avengers have collectively called bullshit on that statement @PBP

Peter Parkour @PBP  
I just wanted a family sized bag of chips

Peter Parkour @PBP  
I got more chips and this time @TonyStark stole MY CHIPS

Peter Parkour @PBP  
STOP STEALING MY CHIPS

Motorcycle @HarleyKeener  
STOP SAYING YOU HAVE NO FAMILY

Motorcycle @HarleyKeener  
WE ARE FAMILY! ALSO WE’LL TELL YOUR AUNT

Peter Parkour @PBP  
YOU WOULDN’T

Iron Man @TonyStark  
Already did

Peter Parkour @PBP  
Oh shit, gotta run

Andy’s Coming @Andy  
Is he dead???

Motorcycle @HarleyKeener  
If he isn’t he will be soon, his aunt’s fucking scary


	14. World takeover, corruption and suprise kidnapping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the people who want to be commenters, you'll be in like the next chapter.  
> Sorry for not posting yesterday, posting daily finally caught up with me (almost)

**I’m Liberian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

First meeting to plan world domination

[MJ, Gwen and Shuri are all hanging out in a high level lab, Gwen and Shuri are working on something while MJ is on her laptop, presumably working on something important]

**[World domination discord]**

**MJ:** Do you think they know we’re just playing minecraft and not planning the downfall of man?

**Gwen:** We can do both

**Shuri:** on a completely unrelated note: how can we prank Peter?

**Shuri:** And also bring about the downfall of man

**MJ:** Which man are we talking about?

**MJ:** I don’t really count Flash as one, but I’d like to see his downfall too.

**Gwen:** lmao we have dirt on Flash.

**Shuri:** We can hack into his computer and blast the camera on the Times Square Boards.

**Gwen:** I like the way you think, I was also thinking just putting them online for all to see

**Shuri:** We need to do something big, 

**MJ:** Agreed, I can add you to a discord with kids from decathlon (minus Ned, Peter and Flash), then you can tell us the tea and we can help take him down, none of us like him but his parents have money so he has to stay

**Gwen:** I’ll add you to the discord w/o Peter, then we can compare notes

**MJ:** sweet

**Shuri:** And you thought we’d just play minecraft

**Gwen:** Why do you have a discord without those three MJ?

**MJ:** We all know Peter is spiderman and have to have somewhere to talk about it. Also Flash doesn’t know surprisingly, he’s very ignorant 

**Gwen:** Add me, I’ll tell you guys some shit we did

**[MJ added Gwen to decathlon discord minus Peter and and Flash]**

**Gwen:** Hey bitches

**Abe:** MJ why did you add her?

**MJ:** Gwen has some dirt on Flash

**Gwen:** I have literal hours of footage but go off I guess

**Gwen:** the interns have shit on Flash, like lots of shit. Footage of him deadnaming and bullying Peter, so like he’s going down in a few days just fyi

**Cindy:** Tbh he had it coming

**Betty:** He had it coming he only had himself to blame! And if you’d have been their I know that you would have done the same!

**Abe:** stop being a theatre kid here, you have a theater discord

**Betty:** no

**Gwen:** thx for inviting me you guys

**MJ:** No problem, add me to the intern discord now, since I’m an intern

**Gwen:** Sure

**[Gwen added MJ to the Inters discord minus Peter]**

**Harley:** Gwen who the fuck is this, what the fuck

**Gwen:** This is MJ, Peter’s friend. She can help us

**Gwen:** Also she’s an intern so like  _ yeet _

**Harley:** Fine, welcome MJ the first non R&D intern in this discord, there’s another for all the other interns but there’s a lot of spam

**MJ:** What have you got planned for Flash?

**Peggy:** You don’t like him either?

**MJ:** No one does, what have you planned? It needs to be big and embarrassing. Shuri suggested broadcasting it in Time Square

**Mat:** We were going to put it online, but I think we need to do something more

**Peggy:** For sure, but what? We can’t put in time Square but what else could we do?

**Mat:** idk guys, but we should get back to work. @ everyone if you have an idea

  
  
  
  


**Peter Parkour** @PBP

HOW THE FRICK DID YOU DO IT GWEN? YOU CORRUPTED MY DOG!!

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

Do what?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

YOU CORRUPTED MY DOG

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

I only taught her a few tricks

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

AND

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

She understands swear words and does tricks for them

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

Tbh I didn’t think I could do it, but I did so now you HAVE to swear around Penny

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You’re evil and I hate you

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

No you don’t

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I really do

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Gwen that was genius

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

Thanks! I try my best

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

When it comes to corruption you’re the best of the fucking best

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

Of fucking course I am I’m Gwen Stacy

  
  
  
  


**[Top surgery]**

Shuri waited outside of Midtown with Okoye for Peter. It was the last day before spring break. Everyone was freaking out about a princess just casually waiting outside of their high school. When Peter came out before he could see Shuri she shouted “How did you kill Captain America?” Peter groaned and prepared his fake accent German, putting on a character and pretended to twirl an invisible mustache. 

“We shot him in ze legs because his shield is ze size of a diner plate and he is an idiot,” Peter said. Shuri laughed, scaring everyone who was staring at them. 

She quickly hugged her ‘fiancé’, who was snickering too. “It’s nice to see you, Peter! I’m kidnapping you now, so you’re coming to Wakanda with me.”

“Shuri, you can’t just kidnap me.” Peter sighed.

“Yes I can, Tony and your aunt already said I could. Also I said I wouldn’t tell, but, well... you’re getting surgery and Wakanda is the best at everything so I’m taking you there!” Shuri shouted.

Peter stared at her “No way. No fucking way! You’re shitting me!”

“I’m not!”

Peter started crying “Shuri, you’re the best person ever,” Peter said hugging her.

“Thank me after the surgery,” Shuri said returning the hug.

**My Friends call me MJ** @MJ

Congrats loser @PBP @PrincessShuriofWakanda

[Video of Peter and Shuri talking about Top surgery]

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

This is the best fucking day, I’m still crying y’all

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

Peggy would say this but she’s also crying, she’s so happy for you and can’t wait to see you when you get back and give you a hug.

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

Fuck I’m crying too

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Same, congrats Peter

**12%** @PepperPotts

Here is what the internet demanded: proof Tony Stark has a heart.

[Tony is clearly crying while looking at his phone]

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Everyone in the lab is crying

**Nat** @BlackWidow

I’m so happy for you Peter, I hate to admit it but I’m crying

**12%** @PepperPotts

@PBP everyone is crying

**I’m Liberian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Stop before I start to cry

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You’re already crying Shuri

**Spiderma’am** @Spiderwoman

Shit why is everyone crying, I’m SPIDERWOMAN I don’t want these emotions

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Too bad, everyone gets them, even you Ms. Spiderma’am. I love you @PrincessShuriofWakanda #nohetero

**I’m Liberian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

I love you @PBP but don’t you dare expose me #nohetero

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I won’t but you are crying

**I’m Liberian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Yes I am. #everyoneiscrying


	15. Not a new chapter

I'm running close to not having any thing written a head of time so for the next few days there won't be any updates. if you want comment small prompts and ideas that I can write!


	16. Pop tarts and an unofficial Q&A (chapter has been edited)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluff before the storm...  
> Also I edited the chapter and added a title bc I forgot to do that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People who are random commenters have * in front of their name so they can see themselves

**Trump supporter and proud** @Trump2020

Moving to Wakanda, can’t believe all of this shit in the world, They’re more advanced. They know trans people are not real and marriage between and MAN and WOMAN

**I’m Liberian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Lol bro you got us all wrong, you can’t come here. We legalized- Wait @KingT’challaofWakanda when was queer marraige legalized in Wakanda?

**T’Challa** @KingT’challaofWakanda

It was always allowed, we never had to legalize it

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

And that’s why I’m getting my top surgery in Wakanda, bc they’ve been doing it for YEARS. Also bro did you not see our last posts? It was about me getting top surgery in WAKANDA, in LITERAL hours. #Weareallcrying is trending because of it. Where have you been?

**I’m Liberian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

You would have gotten it either way in Wakanda, I was prepared to kidnap you just because it’s better and I want the best for you bro

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Bro I’m honored #nohetero

**I’m Liberian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

#nohetero bro but I fucking love you. As a friend

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Bro I love you too

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

As a friend of course

  
  
  


**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@HarleyKeener can you get me some food?

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

lol no

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@TonyStark Harley won’t get me food. @HarleyKeener I can’t fucking move without it hurting, I need to eat Harley get me pop tarts

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

@HarleyKeener get @PBP food, he just had top surgery a few days ago

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Suddenly I’m Jared 19

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

And I never fucking learned how to read

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Grounded and out of the will

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

FUCK!

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Update: Harley got me like 3 boxes of pop tarts

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Yes I fucking did

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Let it be known I got the pop tarts

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Lol yeah bc you wanna be in the will and be able to use your lab

**Motorcycle** @HarleyKeener

Fuck yeah I do

  
  
  
  


**[A kinda q &a]**

**Mello** @Animus_Melodoian

@SI_Interns who’s the most active out of the Avengers on Twitter? And on yours

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Well @Spiderman @Spiderwoman @TonyStark @PepperPotts and @PBP plus the other interns are the most active of everyone. Most just don’t go on and Thor and many others are off world a lot and can’t access Twitter. Steve is on a lot he just keeps getting suspended

**EatASnickerso3** @snickerd5000

Why would Cap get his account suspended

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

@PBP you keep track of why, what’s the last thing he did?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

OF COURSE! Last thing he did was threaten to hang some Nazis by their feet off Stark Tower. I liked that tweet, then it was taken down, like all his other good tweets. I have screenshots and am working on making them into a compilation.

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

To answer the other question @Animus_Melodian This is Mat on right now, Gwen manages the account a lot. Peter has the password but prefers to use his own account, Peggy doesn’t go on twitter much and Dave doesn’t have Twitter and therefore can’t go on the account

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Anyway we have to work so bye Twitter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always tell me if you want to be a random commenter


	17. The Storm...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I did not mean to plan this much angst  
> TW: Major (?) character death. Mention of past abuse, mention of suicide, mention of transphobia, mention of homophobia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm So sorry, this wasn't supposed to happen, well most of it anyway... there was a little planned but the rest kinda just happened.
> 
> I feel so bad for doing this to Peggy, I love her and when I first wrote it I felt terrible, but character development so
> 
> yeet

A/N: I’m sorry, I didn’t want there to be angst but there is angst I’M SO SORRY this hurts to write. Also I was going to have it be later but right now the timing is better. Also there’s PEGGY BACKSTORY si it’s all worth it

Peter knew something wasn’t right when he saw the interns waiting for him. Peggy quickly ran up to him and hugged him. “Peter, I’m so sorry.” She sobbed.

Now he was worried. “What happened? What are you talking about?” 

“Peter, May’s dead. There was a fire, and she was trying to help a little girl get out, and the building collapsed on her. She was able to move the child out of the way but she didn’t make it,” Harley said, pain in his eyes.

Peter’s mind stopped working. All he could feel was grief and anger and pain. He’d lost the last of his family.

Gwen grabbed onto him “Don’t think like that, I know what you’re thinking, it’s not your fault, and you are not alone. Peter, we are a family, and if you say for a second we aren’t, I’ll web you to the ceiling. Tony’ll take care of everything. You’ll be staying at the tower at least for now. Pepper took care of the paper work already,” Gwen said fiercely. “Also, you won’t be doing intern stuff for a while, but you’ll be able to use your lab.”

“She’ll do it, you need time to process this, we can go or stay. We could get ice cream, whatever you want,” Harley said.

Peter couldn’t speak for a few minutes. Peggy handed him a notebook and pen “You don’t need to talk. Just know we’re here for you.We're having an intern sleepover tonight,” she explained, giving Peter a hug.

Peter wrote on the pad:  _ Just want to be alone atm _

They left him alone in his room for awhile. Peter wished they hadn’t. He’d been alone with his thoughts spiraling deeper and deeper into himself.

“Peter? Can I come in? I need to talk to you,” Peggy said knocking on the door.

Peter nodded and Friday unlocked the door.

“I’m not going to say that I’m sorry for you Peter. Because that’s not what you need to hear. You lost your aunt, uncle and parents. I know what it’s like to lose close family members, and it’s terrible. You need to pull yourself out of this spiral.” Peggy said.

Peter cleared his throat and tried to say “Who did you lose?”

“My brother. His name was Alex, but he was born Eliza. Our parents aren’t good people. I’m still trying to undo the years of abuse. They were terrible to us, the classic cliche drunks who never said anything good. We were always told that we were worth nothing; that we owe them our lives. When Alex told me, I swore I wouldn’t tell them. He made me the same promise. I wanted to get him out. But they didn’t let me get a real job, I wasn’t able to make a ton of money to leave. They...” Peggy faltered. “They had everything planned, what to say if people asked questions, how to make sure I couldn’t get a job. The only way I was able to make money in high school was to tutor people during lunch, and that didn’t pay very well. They told everyone I wasn’t smart, and lied about my grades to the point where everyone thought I cheated.”

Peggy had to take a few breaths, telling Peter about her family was very upsetting for her. “While I was at home I tried to help Alex, get him a binder, masculine clothes. Doing as much as I could to help him. I left for MIT planning to get him out as soon as I had enough money. Then…” Peggy paused, choking on tears. “T-they... t-hey found his things. I didn’t hear from him for weeks. Then I was sent the obituary. It said it had been an accident. He’d been hit by a semi.” Peggy stopped, she was crying. “I-I don’t know exactly what happened. Maybe they lied and killed him or maybe he killed himself. But either way he’s gone, and I couldn’t help him get out,” Peggy said in tears.

“Peggy, I’m so sorry. I had no idea,” Peter said.

“It’s not something I like to tell everyone about. If you ever need to talk about your aunt or anyone else I’ll always listen. And keep yourself busy, being alone with your thoughts, especially now, it isn’t fun,” Peggy said getting up to leave.

Peter stayed in his room for a little thinking of what Peggy had said before he got an idea.

  
  
  
  
  


**Spiderma’am** @Spiderwoman

Due to reasons I cannot say @Spiderman is out of commission for a few weeks. Watch out fuckers, because without him I will NOT hold back, like you won’t die BUT you’ll be very close to death. Very.


	18. Spiderwoman goes on a rant, Janitor appriciation and FRIDAY is a snitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FLUFF because that hurt my soul to write the last chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff bc that was an angsty chapter

**Spiderma’am** @Spiderwoman

Jesus Christ, I’ve heard three ALMOST identical monologues from white supremisists trying to do a mass shooting. First of all, get new ideas PLEASE, makes my job more interesting.

**Spiderma’am** @Spiderwoman

Also politicians who say we heroes like the second amendment are DEAD wrong. Ban fucking guns it’s not the 1700s anymore. You know how many school shootings me and Spiderman stop? A FUCK ton. Fuck captialism, fuck the fact the healthcare and homes are expensive. Fuck everything. Also make therapy cheaper for me and all the fucked up people who do mass shootings. This fucking system is what creates them in the first place

**Spiderma’am** @Spiderwoman

The only billionaire I like is @TonyStark bc he makes CLEAN energy, has a great health plan for all employees even the interns and he knows that HE AND HIS DAD DID BAD SHIT AND IS NOW TRYING TO CHANGE HIS LEGACY.

**Spiderma’am** @Spiderwoman

So uh fuck capitalism and the second ammentment. Also all racist pig headed cops, fuck y’all. I know there are some good ones out there, y’all have my respect. The rest tho? Fuck y’all. And fuck the american dream, sorry peeps, but at this moment in time it’s not fucking real. Also @PepperPotts is an icon, bitches either respect her or face my wrath, and hers she’ll destroy you in more ways than one

**Raven Hallow** @RavenHallow

Are you feeling ok @Spiderwoman ?

**Spiderma’am** @Spiderwoman

lol no, in this economy?

  
  


**IronMan** @TonyStark

I just had an idea… @PepperPotts

**12%** @PepperPotts

No, I know what you’re thinking and no, absolutely not.

  
  


**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

This is @ all the janitors, we love you guys and you need more appreciation and recognition outside of SI. So we’re doing a thread on why they’re amazing and why everyone respects them

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

First off janitors get paid a MINIMUM of $20/per hour. So they have enough money to live. Janitors are not looked down on

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Even saying some snide comments about a janitor can get you in trouble. Like a fuck ton. Also when we make messes (especially Gwen) we clean it up to the best or out ability. That keeps the lab clean and helps the janitors out. Also if we didn’t the labs would be a mess

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Nothing but mad respect for our janitors, also if high schoolers, especially those who need extra money can get part time jobs as janitors. It’s very clean and if you get sick because of germs SI pays for your treatment

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

@ the janitors we love y’all, y’all are the best and deserve more recognition. All trash men/woman/nb peeps and janitors deserve respect and recognition

**Marvel this Marvel that** @Marvel_this_Marvel_that

Damn if being a janitor at SI is anything like that sign me the fuck up

  
  
  
  


**FRIDAY** @F.R.I.D.A.Y

@TonyStark Peter is in his lab

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I’d like to announce that @F.R.I.D.A.Y is the biggest fucking snitch and a traitor

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I fucking told Friday NOT to tell anyone. Friday is a fucking snitch. What the fuck Friday I just want to do stuff

**IronMan** @TonyStark

You just had top surgery. Go rest Pete

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

No can do, I got an idea. Plus like being alone with my thoughts? Not fucking thank you. Also like, I feel fine Mr. Stark

**IronMan** @TonyStark

Rest. Now

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

But I HAVE been resting Mr. Stark

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I’m going to keep working before I lose my train of thought again. BYEEEEEE

**IronMan** @TonyStark

@PBP go and rest

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Suddenly I’m Jarred I’m 19 and I never fucking learned how to read

**IronMan** @TonyStark

Kid, you need to rest

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

But Shuri said that I DIDN’T

**IronMan** @TonyStark

I honestly don’t care. REST

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

no

**IronMan** @TonyStark

I’m going to the lab and dragging you out myself

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Let me explain my idea first!

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I’ll call you.

**IronMan** @TonyStark

Holy shit kid that’s amazing. Also come and sign some paperwork


	19. paper work, Twitter War and those fucking psas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I shouldn't be posting daily but whatever tbh

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

What paperwork?

**IronMan** @TonyStark

THE paperwork

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Ohhhh that paperwork. Be there in a sec

  
  
  


**Buzzfeed News** @BuzzfeedNews

What is this paperwork that Tony is having his  **UNDERAGED** intern sign?? Read our latest article to see our theories!

**IronMan** @TonyStark

@PepperPotts you know what I smell? I BIG FAT FUCKING LAWSUIT with BuzzFeed!

**IronMan** @TonyStark

@F.R.I.D.A.Y call ALL my lawyers

**FRIDAY** @F.R.I.D.A.Y

Of course boss, calling all your lawyers.

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

AH I smell CHARGES

**SpiderMAN** @Spiderman

Stop quoting tik toks you dusty spoon @PBP

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Bitch make me

**SpiderMAN** @Spiderman

Wanna fuckin go? I’m a motherfucking superhero you’re just an intern

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Bitch I am your GOD. I made your suit, you would be nothing without me and that spider bite

**SpiderMAN** @Spiderman

Who the fuck has super strength and super healing? whO GOT CRUSHED BY A BUILDING?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Lol sit down you buggy or I’ll get the peppermint oil

**SpiderMAN** @Spiderman

TRY ME BITCH

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Ok, you, me the training room let’s duke it out you moldy screwdriver

**SpiderMAN** @Spiderman

Let’s go bitch

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

On your way down get some better insults

**SpiderMAN** @Spiderman

Get some common sense

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Bitch, neither of us have common sense

**SpiderMAN** @Spiderman

Oh shit u rit

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Still wanna fight?

**SpiderMAN** @Spiderman

nah, truce?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Sure, but can’t guarantee that in the next prank war I won’t go easy on you

**SpiderMAN** @Spiderman

You know the rules, no going easy on anyone, all out or nothing

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

Enemies to friends to lover speedrun edition

**SpiderMAN** @Spiderman

👀

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

👀

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

Oh shit

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

If you two fucking expose me I WILL kill you both 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@Spiderman …… 😏

**SpiderMAN** @Spiderman

@PBP ……………………

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

Do it hoes @Spiderwoman 

**Spiderma’am** @Spiderwoman

I was summoned

**SpiderMAN** @Spiderman

Hey partner!

**Spiderma’am** @Spiderwoman

The fuck you do

**SpiderMAN** @Spiderman

NOTHING!!

**Spiderma’am** @Spiderwoman

@PBP the fuck you do

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

NOTHING!

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

Good

**Spiderma’am** @Spiderwoman

Keep it that way

**SpiderMAN** @Spiderman

*giggles* @PBP We’re in danger

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

We really are. Fuck

  
  
  
  


**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@TonyStark I’m going to be at the lab like an hour late I got detention

**IronMan** @TonyStark

Why do you have detention?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I was working on stuff for my project and my teacher saw and asked what I was doing. I said it was classified bc it is and he gave me detention for “lying” about my internship again.

**12%** @PepperPotts

@F.R.I.D.A.Y Web Tony to the wall with long lasting web before he does something stupid

**FRIDAY** @F.R.I.D.A.Y

Yes Ms. Potts

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Also Fuck you @SteveRogers

**CaptainAmerica** @SteveRogers

What did I do? I just got my account unsuspended

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I have to listen to your “so you get detention” PSA. On behalf of all Gen Z everywhere fuck you AND those psas

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

I had to listen to that psa so many times in high school. So like yeah fuck you and those psas Cap. 

**CaptainAmerica** @SteveRogers

I’m really starting to regret making those psas

**SpiderMAN** @Spiderman

Tbh if I wasn’t a hero and didn’t have good morals those psas would have turned me into a villain. 

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

If I had superpowers then I’d start a revolution, overthrow the government and destroy those psas once and for all. I despise those psas

**SpiderMAN** @Spiderman

I can tell

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

Listen, those psas are burned into my brain, I will have my revenge

**CaptainAmerica** @SteveRogers

I REALLY shouldn’t have made those psas

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

No fucking shit Cap


	20. rebranding, Ned finally gets an internship, the interns join tik tok

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Mr. Stark said I can’t go in the lab so like what happens happens #SorryNotSorry

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

I’m shaking what does this mean?

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

Peter what does this mean????????

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

It means I’m bored and can’t use my fucking lab

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

My first victim? @SteveRogers 

**That PSA guy all of Gen Z hates** @SteveRogers

What are you talking about?

**That PSA guy all of Gen Z hates** @SteveRogers

Never mind I see

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

Fuck Spiderman, Peter you’re the hero we all deserve

**SpiderMAN** @Spiderman

I hear you were talking shit. @ me next time you fucking coward

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@Spiderman coward

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Wtf Parker

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I @ ed you you ceiling gremlin

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

You’ve gone mad with power

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

That’s what happens when I’m locked out of my lab

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@TonyStark

**Evolved tin can** @TonyStark

Kid in the most senceriest way possible. What the fuck

**Evolved tin can** @TonyStark

Also why the fuck

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I have no fuckin clue

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@HarleyKeener

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Parker I’m going to fucking kill you

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Try me you petty ass bitch

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

You’re so fucking petty

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You’re the one with the user Petty Bitch

  
  
  


**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@NedLeeds bro I need your help, I’ll let you into the tower

**Ned** @NedLeeds

What is it????

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I need you to hack into some shit for me until you can’t

**Ned** @NedLeeds

I’ll be there in 5

  
  
  


**IronMan** @TonyStark

@NedLeeds want to be an intern with Peter? You have good computer skills

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Congrats, you killed my best friend @TonyStark

**IronMan** @TonyStark

He’ll be fine

  
  
  
  


**[Tik tok]**

**Guy in the chair**

This…… is my first day……… 

[Gwen is looking at a fire “Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!” she shouts over and over again while putting it out.

“Gwen is in the lead for the most fires caused this month,” a robotic voice said from around the room.

“Hell yeah I’m beating Peter!” Gwen shouted happily.

“Gwen! Not something to be proud of! Stop blowing up stuff and setting them on fire!” Harlay told her.

Gwen flipped him off.]

  
  
  


**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Why the FUCK are we in tik tok????? Whomst the FUCK put us on tik tok??

**Ned** @NedLeeds

WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHER FUCKERS SNITCHED ON ME TO MY MOOOOM! WHAT? I’M COMING FOR YOUR LEFT SHOES AND I’M SHITTING IN EM BUDDY. IMMA SPIT IN YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH FUCKO

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@NedLeeds Run

**Ned** @NedLeeds

Why?

**Ned** @NedLeeds

Nevermind, I see why

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

OH SHIT, GWEN’S AFTER HIM. RIP

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

So is Harley rip, to bad, he was good at coding

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

How do you know you’re not in the lab @PBP

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Security footage. Rip Ned. Y’all are practically a reality TV show, it’s fun to watch


	21. Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's short but next chapter will be much longer

FRIDAY @F.R.I.D.A.Y  
@PepperPotts @PBP Tony has not slept in over 72 hours.

12% @PepperPotts  
@PBP your turn

Peter Parkour @PBP  
Ok brb everyone

IronMan @TonyStark  
Now I understand what @PBP and @Spiderman mean when they say that FRIDAY is a snitch. I didn’t even make that protocol

12% @PepperPotts  
I did, you need sleep Tony

IronMan @TonyStark  
Doubtful

Peter Parkour @PBP  
He’s trying to run!

Peter Parkour @PBP  
Lol he tripped over a chair

Peter Parkour @PBP  
Mr. Stark you need to sleep

Peter Parkour @PBP  
He tripped over Dum-E, poor Dum-E

Peter Parkour @PBP  
Got him  
[picture of Tony webbed to a wall]


	22. Useless Lesbians the sequal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There will be another useless lesbian piece in the future but for now. SUFFER!!!
> 
> They're useless lesbians of course it'll take awhile but it WILL happen
> 
> ......eventully.......

**I’m Liberian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Everyone, it's time to be a useless lesbian/gay/pan/bi/whatever on main. I’ll go first

**I’m Liberian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

AHDSJFGHKDDHDJKHGJDKSFHJFKGDLHJKNLBKFJDN

**I’m Liberian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Ok who’s next

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

AGHJFKSDHJFKHJFHJ

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

Next

**My Friends call me MJ** @MJ

AHSJDKFJHSJKADFJHGJDKSFJHGBNSDK

**My Friends call me MJ** @MJ

Next

**I’m Liberian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

AHJDFKDAJDSFKDJ

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Shuri you already went…

**I’m Liberian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Peter, let me be gay

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Ok bro, I was just saying, you already key smashed

**I’m Liberian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Shut up or key smash and leave like the rest of us

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

But I don’t have anyone that I want to keysmash for :(

**I’m Liberian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Then get out

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

Get out

**My Friends call me MJ** @MJ

Get out and let us keysmash in peace

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I was just leaving, y’all are scary

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I plan to live so byeeeeee

**Corruptor** @GwenStacy

A wise man, people should take notes

  
  


**[Peter >Ned}**

**Peter:** Do you think they know? They’re such useless lesbians

**Ned:** I doubt it

**Peter:** I kinda wanna do something but at the same time I don’t want to die, but they’re so clueless

**Ned:** I know from what you’ve told me they’re insanely clueless

**Peter:** Imma make a cryptic tweet about some shit on my Spiderman acc brb

  
  
  
  


**Spider BITCH** @Spiderma

@PBP is right the amount of useless lesbians he knows is insane

**SpiderMAN** @Spiderman

I may be a bi disaster but at least I’m not a useless lesbian

**I’m Liberian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

@ me next time you coward

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Princess, my friend, my bro, it’s plural

**I’m Liberian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

YoU’RE RePLaCiNG mE???? BETRAYAL IN THE HIGHEST DEGREE!!!!!!

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

BRO! NO! You my OG useless lesbian

**I’m Liberian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

I fuckin better be

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

BRO? @spiderman what the fuck dude? Are you stealing MY best friend?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

YOU SPIDER BITCH

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@PrincessShuriofWakanda I saw you hangin out with Katlyn yesterday

**I’m Liberian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

R-REBECCA IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THI-

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I won’t hesitate bitch

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Oh shit she dead

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You’re next spider bitch

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

BRO! I thought we had something!

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

we’ll talk about this later spider bitch after I do the thing

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@PrincessShuriofWakanda @MJ @GwenStacy

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

I’d say whomst the fuck but like, it’s fucking true

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

True, true, you rite @PBP but why

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

What the fuck @PBP

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

AYYY @Spiderman I’ve assembled our lesbians

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

And I think at least MJ is going to kill us both

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Yeah but like, worth it

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

And now it’s time to fucking run


	23. Spider PSA

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Alright hoes, I’ve been scrolling through the interweb and what the fuck everyone? I just wanna know, WHOMST the FUCK thinks that me and @Spiderman are together? No? He’s a bitch, a spider bitch

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@GwenStacy I blame you for this shit

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Who took my enemies to friends to lovers speed run quote seriously??? Which one of you hoes did it?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

That’s not even the worst, they ship you and Spiderwoman and @Spiderman and @Spiderwoman 

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Hey bitches who ship me and @Spiderwoman turn on your fucking location

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Before you bitches say anything it’s called spider solidarity

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

@PBP changed it and she can’t change it back

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Actually it was @GwenStacy who changed it

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

YOU MOTHERFUCKING SNITCH!

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

@Spiderman why did you have to say that??? I got a fucking rep to uphold here

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Hoe where?

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Anyway! To those who ship us

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Don’t @Spidreman is my spider bro and our relationship is PURELY PLATONIC

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Also @PBP sent a comic strip someone drew of when Peggy chased me for not wearing a binder, fucking fantastic work whoever you where here’s a  [ link ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)

**Miles of Smiles** @MilesMorales

Oh my god did FREAKING SPIDERMAN just compliment me on my art!?!? WHAT?

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

It’s fucking halrious and I love it, you’re a great artist

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

I second that opinion

**Miles of Smiles** @MilesMorales

OMG I’M NOT DREAMING?? THIS IS REAL???

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

But like seriously don’t ship us with anyone, this includes the Avengers. We’re real people and seeing people ship me with other people especially people I’m close to makes me uncomfortable. Don’t do it please

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

I agree with the spider bitch. Also what would Spider mom have to say? She says it’s gross. I know bc I just asked here.

**Child of Chaos** @ChildofChaos5

Damn, I don’t even ship that shit and I feel bad for shipping it even though I don’t

**Percy Uzumaki Vey** @PercyUzumakiVey10

Dude same


	24. It's almost time, also Flash is annoying (as always)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DAMN chapter 24 already??? that's kinda crazy, thanks to everyone who comments and leaves kudos, I really appreciate it

**[It’s almost time]**

**12%** @PepperPotts

It’s time

**IronMan** @TonyStark

@SI_Inters @HarleyKeener it’s time

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Fuck yeah, can I punch the bitch?

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Get in line Harley

**IronMan** @TonyStark

Let’s do this shit

Pepper did not make a spectacle, instead she sent an email. Just a simple email. The school had a week to arrange a meeting with them and the Thompsons or they’d put the footage online, and sue the school.

The only thing worse is if Pepper had come to the school herself. Thank god she didn’t.

**12%** @PepperPotts

A week

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Damn I can’t wait for this it’s going to be awesome. Can’t wait to punch him

**12%** @PepperPotts

No punching, you’ll get in trouble

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Why not?

**12%** @PepperPotts

Psychological warfare only

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Valid

**Verity Black** @VerityBlack

I’M SORRY? WHAT? PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE?!?!?!?!?!?!? Alright who pissed off THE Pepper Potts, who is that STUPID??? Seriously I want to know, who the fuck thought that was a good idea?

  
  
  


**Flash** @FlashThompson

@Spiderman Follow me back

**Flash** @FlashThompson

@Spiderman Follow me back

**Flash** @FlashThompson

@Spiderman Follow me back

**Flash** @FlashThompson

@Spiderman Follow me back

**Flash** @FlashThompson

@Spiderman Follow me back

**Flash** @FlashThompson

@Spiderman Follow me back

**Flash** @FlashThompson

@Spiderman Follow me back

**Flash** @FlashThompson

@Spiderman Follow me back

**Flash** @FlashThompson

@Spiderman Follow me back

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

No

**Flash** @FlashThompson

Why the hell not?

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Because you’re a dick? You literally wanted to forcibly rename me Spidergirl. So like no I won’t follow you back. Why would I follow a transphobe who hates me and invalidates me?

**Flash** @FlashThompson

Bro that was just a joke

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Don’t call me bro, I can and will block you if needed

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Do it @Spiderman for the love of god do it

**Flash** @FlashThompson

I didn’t do anything though?

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

But you did? Fuck off? @Spiderman block him before I do it for you

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I fucking wreasled his phone out of his hand to block the guy. My man why didn’t you do it sooner. @PBP did forever ago, smart move @PBP

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

MJ did what you did to @Spiderman to me and I’m to lazy to unblock him, also like MJ scares me and I don’t want to feel her wrath so I don’t unblock him, also I’m too lazy to unblock him

**[Discord without Peter, Ned and FLash]**

**Abe:** Things MJ did: that

**MJ:** Someone had to 

**Betty:** So THAT’S why FLash is so oblivious

**MJ:** Partly, the other is just his own ignorance

**Abe:** @Gwen what are you going to do about Flash anyway?

**Gwen:** I can’t say to much, but like it’s probably going to court bc Pepper is amazing

**MJ:** All she did was send and email and everyone in school is terrified

**MJ:** We stan

**Gwen:** Also, Tony might do something to embarrass Flash first hand but idk 

**Abe:** Gwen, I have kinda a weird question, but why is the dog named Penny? Since we all know that’s Peter’s deadname and stuff

**Gwen:** That’s great question, it’s so he aciciates the name Penny with his dog then with himself

**Cindy:** Wow that’s really smart

**Gwen:** Yeah, I have to go now before Harley started yelling at me. Or shuns me from the discord

**Abe:** How the fuck are you shunned on discord??

**MJ:** Harley gives you the shun role so you can’t do anything in the server


	25. Is ofc of course or of fucking course??

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I just learned that some people think ofc mean of course and no of fucking course. People not saying fuck after almost every other word? On my motherfucking christian minecraft server???? Get out y’all are cancelled. Whomst the fuck thinks it’s of course

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

What the fuck! People think that there isn’t a fuck in ofc??? HELL NO! 

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

@PBP is ofc of course or of fucking course? Chose wisely brother

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

First of all we not related bitch. Also it’s of fucking course of course

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Say we’re not brothers again and I’ll steal… fuck @GwenStacy little help here. Also put a fuck after that second of or else

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Dog

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

I’ll lock out out of Penny’s room for a month

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

THIS IS WHY YOU’RE A PETTY BITCH YOU PETTY FUCKING BITCH

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Yeah, also back to what we where talking about, Peggy says it’s of course and not of fucking course. Peggy is the only one who isn’t cancelled

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

We love you Peggy! (platonically of course, #noromo)

**Denise Love** @DeniseLove17

Why does everyone love Peggy?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

EXCELLENT QUESTION! We love Peggy because she’s the best also stuff I WILL NOT say because that’s her stuff to tell and I will not do that to her. I’m not a snitch unlike some people (@PBP)

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Hey, Spiderwoman is fucking scary ok

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

True but you’re still a fucking snitch


	26. Spiderwoman is weird and pizza war strategies

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WITNESS @Spiderwoman 

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

I’M FREAKED OUT TOO! I DIDN’T DO IT ON PURPOSE!!

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

THEN WHY DID YOU DO IT???

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

I DON’T KNOW! I DID IT WITHOUT THINKING!!

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

WHAT THE FUCK!!!

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

I KNOW!!! WHY IS IT BLUE???????????

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Ok crisis averted. I’m fine now. It’s so fucking hard to type

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I can’t believe you can do that. Also I’m fucking scared for life so thanks

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Bitch so am I tbh

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Welp guess I’m gonna have to be an amputee for like a week, kinda inconvenient tbh Hopefully Shuri can get me a realistic prosthetic in the meantime

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

@PBP can you PLEASE figure out why @Spiderwoman was bleeding blue?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

What the fuck do you think I’m doing Spider Bitch?

  
  
  
  


**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

My friends keep saying that pineapple on pizza is disgusting.

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

You fools, you absolute fools

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

It’s a war strategy, if there’s fruit on my pizza who the fuck is gonna eat it? No one

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Bc they hate it

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

It’s a war strategy and it’s working

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Say that again bitch, you’re pizza is being held hostage in the rec room and Clint is here

[Peter’s holding a pizza box looking dead into the camera and eating a slice with pineapple on it]

[A picture of Clint inhaling the pizza]

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

YOU HAVE TAKEN IT TO FAR! MY PIZZA!!!!!!!!

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

@TonyStark this bitch stole my pizza

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Kid, I really don’t care about your pizza, get a new one

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I just realized you changed your name back

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

I refuse to be called an evolved tin can, and I’m Tony Stark, of course I can change it

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Either way @Spiderman you’re to late, Clint at your pizza

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

CLINT HATES HAWIIAN PIZZA

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

He lost a bet

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I’m so fucking done with you all


	27. Tik Tok, Spiderwoman is overpowered, ballet and more Tik tok

**[Tik tok]**

**@NedLeeds**

This was NOT planned I swear. Also that was terrifying

[Ned is walking into the lab filming a tik tok holding a can of silly string presumably going to park someone. Inside Spiderwoman is laying on the ceiling. She sees Ned and does a wheel pose on the ceiling hisses at Ned and comes charging towards the camera. Ned sprays silly string at her and the footage stops.]

  
  


**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

People keep asking me how me and @Spiderman are different so here are a few things that are different between us. I’m more flexible and have denser bones, I also bleed blue sometimes and can rip off limbs such as fingers and regrow them. We also have different things we don’t like because we're spiders. 

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I’m stronger then @Spiderwoman and a bit faster. If I ate enough I COULD technically produce webs but Eating enough? In this economy? I also heal a bit faster, she gets cooler stuff but I don’t really mind, we bros and she couldn’t chose her powers

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Thank god I can drink coffee otherwise I’d fucking die

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Ngl I’m a bit jealous of that

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

A lot of people are worried I lost an arm. I only lost a finger. It got slammed into a cabinet in the rec room and I instinctively ripped it off. It’ll grow back in like a week. I’m told that if I lost an arm it wouldn’t grow back, bc it’s a lot fuucking bigger and my body can’t regenerate enough cells to have a new arm

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Spider mom is teaching us and Morgan ballet and ngl it’s fucking awesome

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Fuck yeah it is. And to all of y’all saying that men shouldn’t do ballet, fuck y’all. It’s important to spider mom and she can kill people so watch you’re fucking mouth.

**Spider Mom** @BlackWidow

Thank you dear, I’ll take it from here. Like many of the Avengers I have A LOT of trauma. As you may not know which , how do you not, it was national news. I was raised as a Russian spy. Part of that training was ballet.

**Spider Mom** @BlackWidow

Part of me coping with my past is teaching Spiderman, Spiderwoman as well as Morgan Stark how to fight and defend themselves. When Morgan said she wanted to learn ballet she begged me to teach her

**Spider Mom** @BlackWidow

I have had a troubled past, and being able to associate ballet with Morgan, Spiderman and Spiderwoman is a very good thing.

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

We love you spider mom! 

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Spider mom is actually like, my mom. My bio mom is shit and I’m perfectly happy with my spider mom

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Thank god for that my bio family fucking sucks. This is also for everyone who has a shit family, you are NOT obligated to stay with them and love them. You can leave and make your own family. That’s my wholesome PSA for the month, @Spiderman does better wholesome psas then me

  
  
  
  


**[Tik tok]**

**@PBP**

I lost a bet and now have a tik tok

[Peter is in his room at Stark Tower “Hey everyone, I’m Peter with a B and I’ve been scared of insects my entire life” In the background Gwen says “Stop stop stop. Where?” “Hm?” “Where’s the b?” Peter looks around his voice shaking a little “there’s a bee??”]

5.2 mil likes

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I lost a bet and now have a tik tok, follow me @PBP hoes. It’s basically me recreating vines and Avengers blackmail (@Spiderman) 

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

You have nothing on me hoe

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

bet

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Have mercy

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Lol no

  
  


**@PBP**

Spiderman blackmail part 1

[Spiderman is walking around on the ceiling. “Friday do the thing” someone whispers.

_ Never gonna give you up _

_ Never gonna let you down never gonna run around and desert you _

_ Never gonna make you cry _

_ Never gonna say goodbye  _

_ Never gonna tel and lie and hurt you _

Spidey falls to the ground as the music blasts. “Fuck you!” he hissed.]

  
  


**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

YOU SAID YOU DELETED THE FOOTAGE!!!

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I said no such thing spider bitch

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I fucking hate you

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fucking got you guys again  
> 1


	28. The useless lesbian saga continues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is basically a slow burn by now

**[Interns Discord]**

**Gwen:** Who wants to help me be an irrisponsible gay

**Mat:** no thanks

**Peter:** I would but I have homework

**Dave:** no

**Peggy:** I can’t Gwen sorry!

**Harley:** Don’t do it in the lab

**MJ:** Sure

**Shuri:** Yes!! Let’s ALL be irrispoinsible gays!

  
  


**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

TIME TO BE AN IRRISPONSIBLE GAY!!

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

I’m here to supervise this irrispoinsible gay

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

And I’m here to help this irrisponsible gay

**God of Thunder** @Thor

This is @PBP Thor doesn’t know how to work Twitter but he’d like to say (very loudly I may add) LET’S GO LESBIANS!!!

**God of Lesbians** @Thor

Thor had proclaimed himself the god of lesbians

**God of Thunder** @Thor

Homophobia is cancelled, Thor is with the gays

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I shaved like half my head. I was gonna do it all but MJ convinced me not to.

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

It would have looked stupid

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Plus you have nice hair, it would have been a shame to shave all of it off even if it would have looked cool, but it looks cooler with only half of it shaved.

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Never in my like would I think that I’d get a compliment about my hair from a princess

**[Peter >Gwen]**

**Peter:** You’re such a useless lesbian

**Gwen:** How the fuck

**Peter:** I can feel the gay panic raditiating off of you through the screen. How did you survive the day with both of them?

**Gwen:** I barely did, it was fucking hard

**Peter:** I can imagine

**Gwen:** I’m going to die

**Peter:** rip Gwen, died of gay panic bc she’s a big fucking gay

**Gwen:** The only thing worse than being in love with them is being in love was a straight girl

**Peter:** Gwen, you’re fucking killing me. All THREE of you are gay

**Gwen:** And if I tell them I like them then it could ruin our friendship and our plans for world domination

**Peter:** Gwen I’m going to fucking yeet you of the roof of the tower

**Gwen:** please do then I wouldn’t have to deal with feelings

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@GwenStacy you are impossible and I’m going to yeet you of the side of Stark Tower unless you deal with the feels

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Do it hoe, I welcome death with open arms, in fact I don’t even need YOU to yeet me off, I’ll yeet MYSELF off the tower

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Fuckin do it and I’ll expose you and your feels and I don’t care about what happens after

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Fucking do it

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Oh my god just tell them, NOTHING bad will happen. YOU USELESS LESBIAN

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

You have no proof of that

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I will MAKE proof


	29. not an update!

Hey so I'm working on more things, right now so I have enough to post for a few days without running out.

Also my best friend (aka my editor) started a story and I'm kinda helping with it by doing editing and giving feedback(mostly feedback, I'm bad with grammar), it's really good so go check it out [here!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22939012/chapters/54831457) (I swear it's a real link, It will NOT rickroll you I'm not that mean).

-Mat


	30. Another child, a date? and time to dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have more stuff to post!!! I swear the useless lesbians will become less useless soon, I just like dragging it out, because I can, and bc they're useless lesbians, you expected it to be fast? But it will speed up soon, just not yet

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@GwenStacy @MJ @PrincessShuriofWakanda wanna hang out on Friday and watch shitty movies?

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

sure

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

ok

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Fine, you’re bringing the popcorn

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

GREAT!

  
  
  


**[Miles of Smiles >Spiderman]**

**Miles:** Mr. Spiderman sir I think I got bitten by a radioactive spider

**Spiderman:** How sure are you?

**Miles:** Pretty sure, I’m stuck to the ceiling

**Spiderman:** Oh shit, what’s your location I’ll come find you and take you to the tower, you’ll need to learn how to control your powers

**Miles:** ok [ [ location ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ) ]

Peter showed up to the location in his suit. “Miles?” He called.

“I’m here! Stuck on the light. How do I get down?” He called dangalling from a light ten feet off the ground.

“You need to relax. Want me to tell you about MJ, Shuri and Gwen? Don’t tell anyone I told you, they’d kill me. But they’ve all said they like each other, so I’ve been trying to nudge them in the right direction. It’s not working very well, if I can’t think of anything else I might just tell them myself. Thing is that if I did I know they’d kill me,” Peter said.

“What are you going to do next?” Miles asked.

Peter shrugged “Not sure, but if changing their usernames to all have lesbian in them and Thor announcing to the world that he’s now the god of lesbians I don’t know what I’ll do,” Peter said.

“Thor meant that? I thought it was a joke,” Miles said a little shocked.

Peter shook his head “Yeah, when he saw the tweets he had to get me to do it for him because he’s so hopeless with technology and Loki refused to help. He started chanting ‘let’s go lesbians’ over and over. I have a video. Of course, it annoyed Loki and they stabbed him,” Peter said.

Miles laughed “Loki stabbed Thor?”

Peter nodded “Yeah, they did. That started a whole monologue on how Loki had betrayed him. As he does every week when he gets stabbed, they get longer every time. Sometimes Loki stabs him again to try and get him to stop.”

Miles laughed more and fell from the light. Peter caught him.

“AY! You got down!” He said cheered.

“Come on, you need to get to Stark Tower so we can run some tests and whatnot, the sooner you learn how to control your powers the better.” Peter said.

  
  
  


**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

@BlackWidow @Spiderwoman @TonyStark @HarleyKeener @GweStacy @PBP yo come to the labs

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

This is getting old

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I know, but like come on Mr. Stark it’s important

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

I know that kid, but it’s STILL getting old

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I fuckin know, either way can’t wait

  
  


**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I can’t do the movie night, sorry y’all I have some lab work to do

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

BRO WHAT THE FUCK

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Spiderman needs my help with some shit with his suit, the clumsy bitch

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

YOU ARRANGED THIS THING!!!!

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

YOU'LL BE FINE! I GTG IT’S IMPORTANT

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Then riddle me this, why wasn’t I called too?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Because Spiderman requested me. Also like you’re on a date and he doesn’t want to disturb you

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

It’s time to dead for awhile before I actually turn up dead 

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I’ll dead with you since I still NEED FUCKING HELP

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

You can’t dead from me forever, I will find you

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

She will I know from experience, it’s a terrifying thing

**Can’t hear you** @Hawkeye

Time to dead????

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Hide/play dead

**Can’t hear you** @Hawkeye

I should do that too

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

You pissed off Spider Mom didn’t you

**Can’t hear you** @Hawkeye

yes

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Dead and dead fast

**Spider Mom** @BlackWidow

Too late

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Oh shit he died, rip hawkeye, you’ll not be missed

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

You lose your hearing aids so much it’s annoying

**Can’t hear you** @Hawkeye

It’s not my fault

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Yes it is feather brain, now go back to either being dead or deading

**Spider Mom** @BlackWidow

He’s dead

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

nice


	31. the saga continues

**[Gwen >Peter]**

**Gwen:** I fucking hate you I almost died

**[MJ >Peter]**

**MJ:** What the hell Parker that was the best and worst day of my life

**[Shuri >Peter]**

**Shuri:** Peter why would you do such a thing??? I was full on gay panicing all night

**Peter:** I’m going to fucking lose my mind, you’re a useless leasbian and a genius. What were Gwen and MJ doing?

**Shuri:** Watching the movie

**Peter:** What was their posture and stance?

**Shuri:** Tense

**Peter:** What was your posture?

**Shuri:** tense, I was sitting with them and have feeling for them it was awkward without you to break the tension

**Peter:** you where in gay panic, really stiff and tense

**Peter:** Gwen and MJ where also really stiff and tense

**Peter:** Dude telling you this will have them kill me but y’all like each other and I’ve been trying to make you realize but you’re so fucking useless it’s impossible

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Excuse me, I need to go yeet myself off a building. @PBP just told me what a useless lesbian I am and he’s right. Time to yeet myself into the next life

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You’re so fucking useless it’s insane

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Yes bro I see that now

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I was tearing my hair out over how clueless you are

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

@PBP call me

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I’m in school

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Oh right, time difference. I’ll come to America

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

My mother said no, I need to stay in Wakanda, I’ll call you later Peter

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Ok, I have a plan

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

You better from now on you’re my wingman

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Bro I was always your wingman, now it’s just official

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Bro I know, but now you actually actively doing shit to help me get a date

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Do you want my help or not? You can do it on your own

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Shit, bro sorry, come back, I need your help

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I know

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Say that again and you’re fired

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Bro you’re sending very mixed signals, do you want my help or not?

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

yes

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Ok good bc I doubt you’d be able to do it on your own

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

I know bro, I’m useless! 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Oh how the tables have tabled

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

You’re still a bi disaster

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Don’t fucking remind me


	32. Falsh's end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> that's right ladies, gentlemen and non binary individuals, Flash gets destroyed
> 
> TW: dead naming and misgendering

**[Interns discord without Peter]**

**Harley:** Tony came up with a plan, basically MJ make Ned “hack” into the school servers, and have him pull up the records of Flash being a dick. Put them online saying that this is what the school buried bc his parents are wealthy. Part of that will be the footage from the field trip that Mr. Stark sent bc he has a strict no bullying policy in the tower and thought the school should know. 

**Harley:** to top it all off Flash will be officially black listed from Stark Industries and all the companies we own by the one and only Pepper Potts

**Gwen:** FUCK YEAH!! TWAS WORTH THE WAIT! VICTORY SHALL BE SWEET

**Mat:** Revenge shall be sweet and cold

**Peggy:** Like ice cream

**Gwen:** yes, like ice cream but better!

**Dave:** But Pepper sent an email, she was going to do it subtly

**Harley:** The Thompsons refused to meet and think that their son didn’t do anything wrong so Pepper said yes to public humiliation of the highest degree

**Gwen:** Rich snobby bitches

**Ned** @NedLeeds

So I was doing some stuff for school, and found all of this stuff. It doesn’t look good...

**Buzzfeed News** @BuzzfeedNews

Eugene “Flash” Thompson the son of Samuel Thompson millionaire owner of Thompson Tech is in trouble. Documents released from the school show his excessive bullying of other students. There are even reports of him being trans and homophobic. Neither his parents or the school has made a comment

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

In light of the reports of Flash Thompson, I have to say something. On the midtown decathlon field trip the intern doing the tour caught Flash saying some transphobic things to my intern Peter Parker including dead naming him. 

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

We have clips from FRIDAY and my interns which is how we learned of the incident. We have a strict no descrimination and bullying policy. There must be repercussions. 

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Flash Thompson as of today had been blacklisted from Stark Industries and the companies we parent

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

We’ve been waiting for this day for awhile, glad that it finally happened

At school Flash was pissed. He’d been publicly black listed from Stark Industries by  _ Tony Stark.  _ Needless to say, things weren't looking good for Peter. Flash had taken to blaming him for what had happened and that he’d faked the whole thing for attention. Everyone was tired of his shit and were smart enough to know when Flash had gone too far.

Unfortunately Flash didn’t see anything wrong with it. His own friends looked uneasy when Flash talked very loudly about how Peter faked the whole thing.

**[interns discord without Peter]**

**MJ:** Flash is being a dick, anyone still want to punch him? School will be over in a few minutes, he’ll be saying shit outside the doors for sure

**Gwen:** We’ll be right there, can’t wait to punch him finally, well not me but everyone else, can

**Harley:** This is going to be the fucking best. We’ll be there ASAP

“How did you do it Parker? Hacked Tony Stark’s Twitter account that is?” Flash asked, his phone out doing a live stream, trying to humiliate Peter.

“Flash, it’s not fake, there’s a fuck ton of proof to prove that I didn’t,” Peter said tiredly.

“Yeah, on twitter, that shit is easily faked,” Flash said with an eye roll.

Peter sighed “it’s true, I know a literal god and princess. I can’t fake that,” Peter said.

Flash laughed “anything on the internet can be faked Penny.”

“Oh yeah? Like you’re follower count you piece of shit,” Gwen said stepping in.

“My followers aren’t fake!” Flash sputtered.

“Not according to this, your analytics have all the obvious signs of bought followers. And you have a lot of them by the looks of it, of course this whole thing has given you popularity but you still have the signs of bought followers” Dave said looking at his tablet.

“I don’t buy followers! People love me!” Flash said.

“Then why does everyone believe Peter?” Harley asked.

“Because she tricked everyone,” Flash insisted “Penny’s lied about the internship for months and gotten away with it, I just want people to know the truth. She should just join the 41 percent at this point,”

Peggy punched Flash in the nose “how dare you misgender and deadname Peter. How DARE YOU TELL HIM TO JOIN THE FOURTY ONE PERCENT! YOU ARE A BULLY, A COWARD AND A LIAR. 

“INSTEAD OF DOING THE RIGHT THING AND ADMITTING THAT YOU ARE WRONG AND TRYING TO MAKE AMENDS YOU ARE JUST MAKING EVERYTHING WORSE. IF PETER WHERE TO KILL HIMSELF YOU COULD BE SEEN AS RESPONSIBLE FOR TELLING HIM TO DO SO. THE MASS AMOUNT OF BULLYING WE KNOW YOU’VE DONE TO HIM AND OTHER STUDENTS IS ENOUGH PROOF BUT UNLUCKY FOR YOU THERE’S MORE THAN ENOUGH EVIDENCE STACKED AGAINST YOU.

“THE ONLY REASON YOU DO THIS IS BECAUSE NO ONE EVER TOLD YOU NO. BECAUSE YOUR PARENTS LET YOU DO ANYTHING. THEY LET YOU BECOME AN ENTITLED BRAT WHO NEVER HAD TO WORK FOR ANYTHING. 

“THE REASON WE ALL LOVE AND RESPECT PETER IS BECAUSE HE’S WORKED HARD TO PROVE HIMSELF, I’VE SEEN HIM TIRELESSLY WORK ON CALCULATIONS TONY STARK HIMSELF COULDN’T FIGURE OUT, CALCULATIONS YOU COULDN’T EVEN START TO GET CORRECT. SO MAYBE SHOW SOME RESPECT, BECAUSE UNLIKE YOU PETER DESERVES WHAT HE HAS,” Peggy shouted. She started sobbing.

Gwen wrapped her in a hug, trying to calm her down while glaring at Flash over her shoulder.

Mat glared at Flash “She’s right, Peter worked for everything, unlike you, so how about you maybe think for even a second about what you’ve accomplished on your own without the help of your parents.”

  
  


**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

@TonyStark just so you know we did a thing we shouldn’t have

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

I already saw, couldn’t have said it better myself. But don’t do it again 

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

We don’t plan on it

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

good

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

This is fucking betrayal, I thought that I’d be invited to help with that and I wasn’t, what the fuck, this is unacceptable

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

So sorry it was a v spontaneous thing, it wasn’t really planned otherwise you would have been invited

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

I can’t believe I missed it

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

YOU’RE IN WAKANDA! Also how did you not see it? You’re in the discord

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

I’m just mad I couldn’t help

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Same, would have been hilarious to see an actual princess chew out that kid


	33. Intern Web Wars Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and now time to the regularly scheduled fluff

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

You know one thing I love about @Spiderman ad @PBP ‘s relationship? Even though they hate each other more than life itself they use the correct names and pronouns and never misgender each other

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Well yeah, @PBP can suck a dick but I’d never fucking misgender him. I have morals

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

True @Spiderman you’re still a spider bitch but I wouldn’t misgender you

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Say it with us

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

USING 👏 THE 👏 CORRECT 👏 PRONOUNS 👏 ARE 👏 NOT 👏 A 👏 PRIVILEGE

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Either gender someone correctly or face our combined wrath

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

On the rare occasions they team us it’s something to be feared

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

It really is

  
  
  


**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@TonyStark Mr. Stark this is abuse

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@PrincessShuriofWakanda yo, can I live with you in Wakanda?

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

why

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Mr. Stark is a bully

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Kid I just beat you in Mario Kart

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Yeah and you’re even worse than Harley when you win. 

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

The interns have had a talk

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

@TonyStark we’ve decided is no longer allowed to be part of the Interns Game Night

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

I’m sorry what?

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

It’s not personal, the R&D Interns don’t want you to play Mario Kart since you win, the Business Interns don’t want you to play Monopoly since you fucking broke the board after winning and us R&D interns had to make a holograph board for them we don’t wanna make another board plus they bitched about it for at least a month, and that was just breaking the board, everytime you win which is every time they bitch about it for a week

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

You destroyed everyone in Scrabble and don’t even get us started on battleship

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

You also cheat in Web Wars, you’re banned from Intern Game Night for life

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

The Interns have spoken

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Seriously there’s a discord, everyone said yes to banning you, it’s official, Tony Stark is no longer a part in any way shape or form of Intern Game Night

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

The decision is final, I’ve told FRIDAY. Sorry Mr. Stark but like the Spider bitch is getting really pissed you keep beating us in team web wars

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Fuck yeah I am, I’m fucking spiderman and also you use FRIDAY to web people that’s against the rules and you know it Mr. Stark. Only Avengers Game night for you

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

I’m Tony Stark what the fuck Harley, Peter you’re both out of the will

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Have fun getting destroyed by Pepper and Nat aka the Deadly Dream Team they win everything

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

The only superheroes allowed are Spiderman and Spiderwoman (but never together Spiderwoman is a menace and they’re to powerful together, the nightmare team if you will)

**a_mry** @a_mry 

Tony Stark is a tyrant, he just threatened to end Intern Game Night

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

That’s why he’s banned, Tony Stark is a sore loser when it comes to games. 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Exactly, but like tbh web wars with the Avengers is fun, Intern Web Wars there’s more people but Avengers Web wars there are less people who are more skilled. Try webbing an assassin to a wall, it’s fucking hard. 

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Spiderman and Spiderwoman aren’t allowed to be in a team together even in Avengers web wars because Spiderwoman finds loopholes and they’re fucking spiders and have the upper hand

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Everytime she plays the rules are changed because of her, she always finds loopholes, sometimes it takes awhile but she always finds a loophole

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

It’s a fucking nightmare, she can’t team up with Spiderman because she tells him the loopholes and then they break rules together and always fucking win


	34. Web Wars 2

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

I swear to FUCKING GOD @Spiderwoman STOP FINDING FUCKING LOOPHOLES IN WEB WARS!!!

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Fuck you Spiderwoman, the interns have decided too NOT ban you BUT, we’re making a compilation of you breaking the rules and use tearing out hair out over it so that maybe you’ll FUCKING STOP FINDING FUCKING LOOPHOLES AND CHEATING

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Lol do it, it’ll be hilarious and the people will love it. Bro public shaming will not work. I’m fucking spiderwoman 

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

You cannot win

**[youtube]**

#1 trending spot: Spider Woman finds loopholes in Web wars Part 1

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

You lose bitches

  
  


**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

To everyone asking why we don’t just ban Spiderwoman she’s spider woman and she’d play not matter what, it just depends on if she does it more controlled or all out destroy everything and everyone in her path

  
  


**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Bro @PrincessShuriofWakanda call me, I have a plan

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

You fucking better

Peter called Shuri “Hey, I have a plan.”

“You better Peter, as my wingman you need to help me get the girls,” Shuri said.

“I will, so, WW is in a few days, I’ll rig the teams so you three are together, and hopefully that will work,” Peter said.

“PETER! I need more then hopefully!” Shuri said.

“Dude, I swear it’ll work, I will help you get the girls, trust me, they’re my best friend. Oh Shit, someone’s looking at me weird, whatever, don’t worry, it’ll work.” Peter said.

“I hope it does Peter, rig F.R.I.D.A.Y, I’ll be there for Web Wars,” Shuri said.

“Nice, see you then, I won’t let you win, well I’ll try not to, Gwen is almost as good as Spiderwoman when it comes to finding loopholes in the rules.”

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

@PBP bro you are the fucking best and I platoncilly love you

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I platonically love you too bro 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Remember people, platonic love is important 

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I platonically hate you

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Ya know what spider bitch, we where having a good moment, you could have kept your fucking mouth shut and let it be nice but you had to fucking say something

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You ruined the moment

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Also why platonic hate? I just straight up hate you

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I thought you were bi

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Blocked

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

waitwaitwait unblock me

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Unblocked

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

BITCH

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Spider bitch

  
  
  


**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Everyone is going to die, Gwen MJ and Shuri are teamed in Web Wars, 

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

PREPARE TO DIE!

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

The lesbians are taking over

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

Damn right we are

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Spare me

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Lol no mercy

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Shuri?

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

No mercy, sorry boo

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

betrayal

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Sorry bro, all's fair in love and war

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

At least I have the spider bitch

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

FUCK! We’re always partnered together! WHAT THE FUCK!

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I don’t want to be with you either spider bitch but it be like that

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

This fucking sucks, can I opt out? I’m technically not an intern

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

No, F.R.I.D.A.Y already made teams

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

This is the timeline god abandoned

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Imma make a compilation for youtube of all the Web Wars meme/memeable moments

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

This is the timeline god partially abandoned, don’t make me look bad @PBP I have a reputation

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

No you don’t, at least you won’t when I’m done with you

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

This is slander

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Suffer spider bitch

  
  


**[youtube]**

**SI Intern shinanigans official**

Web War meme comp #1

[It opens with Shuri, Gwen and MJ “Lock up your daughters!” Gwen said.

“Hide your wives!” Shuri said next.

All together they said “the lesbians are coming to town!”

Gwen has a web gun and shouts “Come out here and face me like a man!”

It cuts to Mat crouched under a desk peaking over it to aim at the door, they shout “actually my pronouns are they them!”

From this distance Gwen shouts back “Oh shit my bad!” she clears her throat “come out here and face me like a person!”

“Thank you. Now, PREPARE TO DIE!” Mat jumps out from under the desk and tries to web Gwen but Shuri and MJ web them to a wall from their hiding spots. 

Peter is shouting at Spiderman “Let’s go spider bitch,” he says going down a hallway getting webbed by Gwen. Spiderman is nowhere to be seen. “YOU SPIDER BITCH! YOU KNEW THAT WAS COMING!” Peter shouts.

Spiderman cackles in the distance.

The rest is mostly Shuri, Gwen and MJ webbing everyone and their reactions plus a few other moments. Such as when Tony tried to participate but was Webbed with a long lasting web by FRIDAY as what the protocol Peter had made to stop him from joining in.]

  
  


**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

WE WON! THE LESBIANS ARE VICTORIOUS!

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

@PBP you fucking lied, you bitch


	35. Useless lesbians are still useless lesbians

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Calm the fuck down bro I didn’t fucking lie

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Bro you swore this would work

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Bro, I’m going to fucking web you to the side of the motherfucking tower

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Bro why

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Bro I’m not saying it on Twitter

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

calling

Peter answered the call from Shuri “Peter! It didn’t work! I am still single!” Shuri proclaimed.

“Shuri, it takes time, it’s not a fairy tale,” Peter said before hanging up.

**[Peter >Shuri]**

**Peter:** People ship either you with Gwen or MJ

**Shuri:** They do? Kinda weird

**Peter:** Yeah, that’s why I had to tell people to stop shipping me with Spiderman, it’s weird

**Shuri:** It is, but why did you tell me?

**Peter:** Because they are NOT BLIND TO YOU GUYS LIKING EACH OTHER!

**Shuri:** So what do I do?

**Peter:** Idk ask one of them on a date?

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

@PBP you’re fired from being my wingman

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

IT WAS A GOOD IDEA

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

no

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Do it

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

I am a princess you can’t make me do it

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You just did it

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Yes and now I’m screaming

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

well?

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

I’m screaming more

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

We know, everyone can hear you

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

@F.R.I.D.A.Y web @HarleyKeener to the wall

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

@HarleyKeener let me scream, this is important

**DoorMat** @MatDoore

Why is Gwen screaming?

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Since when do you have your own twitter?

**DoorMat** @MatDoore

Since now

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

valid

  
  


**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

When @PBP doesn’t make you look stupid 

[Surprised Pikachu face]

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Only because I also would have looked stupid, also you look stupid without my help

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

You bitch

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

At least I’m not a spider bitch

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Come up with a better insult for me Spider bitch

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Fuck you Parker


	36. Web Wars 3

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

truce?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

why?

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Bc together we could win web wars, maybe even defeat the Deadly Dream Team

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Shit that’s a good point

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Damn right it is

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Time to web some fucking Avengers

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

And Pepper

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

And Pepper

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Fuck I just realized that we’ll have to web the Deadly Dream team

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I’d like to live

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Survival of the fittest, we have to, you know what happens if we don’t

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You’ll have to web Nat

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

That’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make

  
  


**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

BUCKY IS COMING FROM WAKANDA WITH SHURI ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

*Cries in never gonna win Avengers Web Wars*

**Hair Ties On Cuffs** @HairTiesOnCuffs

Ok I’ll ask: why is winning Avengers Web Wars so important and why is it more important than Intern Web Wars?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Bc the prize is a month w/o sparring linguistics practice for us and let me tell you it’s not fun, effective but not fun

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Spider mom does NOT hold back when it comes to Sparring linguistics

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

I’m teaming with y’all let's take down the Deadly Dream Team

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

AWESOME!! TIME TO WIN!!!

  
  
  


**Peter Parkour** @PBP

fuck

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Welp this sucks

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

I may have lost with y’all but atleast I didn’t commit treason against spider mom

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

You’re a hoe and a traitor to spider kind

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Not a traitor to Spider mom

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

No but a traitor to the person who makes your suits

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

@GwenStacy does my suit, not you

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Fuck yeah I do, and unlike you two we get along

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

What about the nickname?

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

It’s grown on me

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I offered to change it back, she wouldn’t let me

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Listen, if Spiderman is a bitch them I’m a hoe, plus since the name change less sexist guys call me a hoe so it’s a win win

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

smart

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

I know


	37. Useless lesbians final

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it finally happened! it's been dragged out for WAYYY to long

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Who the fuck decided that I can only have one girlfriend at a time??? What the fuck, I want love and I want to love more fucking people. I will punch whoever decided this

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

They dead bro

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

FUCK! I may do a lot of shit but disrespect the dead? Not one of them. Who’s someone alive that I can punch?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Any homophobe or Straight Person™

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Welp, been there done that, will do it again tho. I. Want. LOVE

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

same

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I’m not talking about you bro, I want ROMANTIC love

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Can I have some platonic love?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

TAKE MY FUCKING PLATONIC LOVE AN AFFECTION!!!!

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

:)

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Now get out and let me mope

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Bro, you want me to tell you something? I’ll dm you

**[Peter >Gwen]**

**Peter:** MJ likes both you and Shuri, please both of you ask her out, she’s been really pissed bc you two are together and doesn't think you like her

**Gwen:** WHAT! HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN

**Peter:** A while, y’all told me you liked each other in the same fucking day, but y’all are scary so I tried to do stuff directly but that didn’t work so I told Shuri after the movie night I didn’t atend, that was a set up

**Gwen:** Peter...

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@PrincessShuriofWakanda bro come get your girlfriend before she kills me

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

@GwenStacy Babe?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

THAT BITCH KNEW THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME! CALL ME!

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

You’ve been spared for now @PBP but we need a favor

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Oh shit, thanks bro, what?

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

I’ll tell you when

**Non-Binary Mess** @NonBinaryMess

Wait @GwenStacy and @PrincessShuriofWakanda are dating?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Yes, any more questions?

**Non-Binary Mess** @NonBinaryMess

Nope, just wanted to get thing straight, well gay

**[AcaDec discord]**

**MJ:** ADFGSHJDFHDSGHJDFH

**Peter:** I know, I know

**Abe:** ???

**Peter:** MJ got a date 

**Betty:** OMG who?

**MJ:** ahjkjdsfksdjsfdkfsla

**Peter:** Oh shit let me translate, she says Shuri and Gwen asked her out. fucking finally tbh

**Abe:** Now I’m more confused

**Peter:** I’m bros with them both, they all told me they liked each other on the same day lol

**Abe:** wow

**Betty:** Well have fun MJ you’ve liked them both for awhile

**@NedLeeds**

Press f to pay respects for @PBP

[MJ is glaring at Peter while he tries not to laugh at his phone. “Peter, what the fuck,” she says without emotion. Peter stops laughing]

  
  


**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

@PBP want to come see a movie?

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

You don’t actually have a choice, it’s the favor we mentioned earlier

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

What movie?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

A gay one

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

nice

  
  


**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Had to be the fourth wheel on a date, and oh my god. I got FUCKING MISGENDERED by a Karen, said Karen told us “oh I remember going out to see a movie with my girl friends” so I was like “Actully I’m a guy and they’re on a date,” bc fuck her and she looked at me DIGUSTED called me the T slur and said that girls can’t date girls and that you can’t date two people at once bc that’s just cheating on both of them. BITCH, they are in a HEALTHY POLY RELATIONSHIP AND IF YOU OR ANYONE ELSE CRITICIZED THEM I WILL EAT YOUR RIGHT FUCKING LUNG! And if you misgender me or anyone I will eat your left fucking lung, so you fuck up twice you dead

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I support this message

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Same, in summary, diss someones sexuality, steal their right lung, misgender someone steal their left lung

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

I’m down to steal some lungs

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Perfect, anyone else want to steal some fucking lungs?

**DoorMat** @MatDoore

I know a few people who don’t need their left lung

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Who? We need names Mat

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I swear I will throw hands if someone in the tower is misgendering you

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Or I could just…… @TonyStark

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

What kid?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I need clearance for all of the towers security footage

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Kid. You already HAVE full clearance for everything

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I DO? SINCE WHEN?

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Since always

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

PETER HAS FULL CLEARANCE OF EVERYTHING??? WHAT??? WHY???

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Ha loser

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Shut the fuck up Peter

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

You also have full clearance @HarleyKeener, except for a few things you guys can both access basically anything in the tower

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

nice

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Ok well anyway @F.R.I.D.A.Y review all footage from the past 3 months for anytime someone misgenders Mat Doore

**FRIDAY** @F.R.I.D.A.Y

Footage has been found

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@F.R.I.D.A.Y dm me names of the people

**FRIDAY** @F.R.I.D.A.Y

Task complete

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Search to see if they have any previous marked incidents of descrimination and/or bullying

**FRIDAY** @F.R.I.D.A.Y

I have sent you the information

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Send the same info to @TonyStark

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Yo @TonyStark found some people who are violating the tower anti bullying and descrimination policy

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Oooh add on clearance abuse to that, damn now THAT’S some bad shit

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Great! They’re fired, one of them was a top engineer in the R&D labs, using his clearance to cover it up, and here’s the footage so we don’t get sued for wrongfully firing them


	38. #ItsAGenZThing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aonyone Remember Peter's idea from after May died? Bc this is it!

Gwen waited outside of Midtown for Peter. She’d been charged with getting him for the meeting.

“PETER! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE! WE NEED TO GO!” She shouted obviously trying to embarrass him.

“What?” Peter called.

“THE THING! THE ONE YOU’VE BEEN WORKING ON FOR MONTHS! LET’S GO!” Gwen shouted.

“OH SHIT! THAT THING! I FORGOT!” Peter shouted, running over to her.

“I know! Now come on!” Gwen said.

Peter walked into the board room to see the board members and Tony waiting. 

“I’m glad your  _ personal intern  _ could be here to join us. Tony, now let’s begin the meeting,” said the crustiest board member of them all.

“The reason I called this meeting is because Peter here has come up with a new device, one that could save lives, not in the traditional sense. It’s an AI, one that can act, as a therapist, a friend, something to wake you up, make sure you’re on time. It can be used for almost anything,” Tony told them.

“But that’s not the primary purpose. Its purpose is to help people who could be in danger, abusive situations. Abusive relationships, to get away from family or get help. To give advice on what to do, record audio and videos if the owner says to. There are currently two models, there’s a model that’s more for children and one that is more for teens and adults,” Tony said.

The board members thought about it. “I think it’s a great idea, we should hold a press conference,” the others quickly agreed.

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

In a board meeting about the Thing and this crusty old guy doesn’t like me, ig because he thinks that I wasn’t the one who made the damn thing even thought I did and Mr. Stark told him

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Kid don’t insult the board members on Twitter, they need to like you

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

They’ll be dead in a few years, who cares

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

kid

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

They’re basically dinosaurs 

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

You’re grounded for a week and out of the will

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Lol try me old man

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Don’t make me give you intern level clearance for a month

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You wouldn’t

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Try me 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

fine

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

The board members are not dinosaurs nor will I be planning to use their bones and flesh to make into fossils and fossil fuels

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Holy shit, we’ll talk about that idea later, the one about making fossil fuels, not using the board members bones, what the fuck kid

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

It’s a gen z thing #itsagenzthing


	39. press confrences and tea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all please stay safe, and wash hands and stuff I'm sure you're tired of hearing it but it's important

Peter was nervous about the press conference, he’d be telling everyone about A.L.E.X and its purposes. Tony strutted onto the stage. “Today I’m very excited to announce that very soon there will be a new robot available for purchase worldwide. I also would like to say that it was not mine. I simply helped work out the finer parts. The real person who made it is my intern, Peter Parker!” Tony said pointing to Peter.

The other R&D interns clapped and Gwen patted him on the back.

“Hey everyone I’m Peter B Parker, and the purpose of A.L.E.X is to be an assistant AI. For people with disabilities, it can be a therapist, make calls. All sorts of things. There will be bigger ones we’re working on to help with physical disabilities. But for now, its priority is mental health. My goal is to help you be a happier person. Half of the profit will be going to the Alex Stewart foundation, which is a new non profit that Mr. Stark and I have created to help people with PTSD, those who have or are being abused and to help LGBT youths who are either on the streets or live in a household where they are not allowed to be who they are and to help lessen the transgender suicide rate,” Peter said.

Reporters raised their hands. “Yes?,” Peter said to a woman at the front.

“What prompted your creation of the Alex Stewart foundation?”

“That isn’t my information to tell,” Peter said.

After a few more questions about production, Peter stepped off stage to let Pepper handle the rest.

Peggy hugged him, she had tears in her eyes “Thank you Peter,” she said. “He would have loved it.”

  
  


**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Hey bitches, it was so hard for me not to make a vine reference during that press conference 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Also A.L.E.X is like pretty cheap, so buy one if you need it. They aren’t iPhone 11s 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Lol don’t sue me apple, it was a joke

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Yo, but like seriously, the money will go to the Alex Stewart foundation, there’s more information in it on the Alex Stewart website or you could watch the press conference. Just not around me bc my voice a curse upon humanity

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Voice dysphoria is a bitch

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

But you’re on T now??

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

no??? I’m not Shuri

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

SHIT I KNEW I FORGOT SOMETHING

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

wait

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

IMMA START T???

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

I FORGOT TO GIVE IT TO YOU! @TonyStark what the fuck I thought you where going to tell him

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

You said you would

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

OH MY FUCKING GOD

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

NO YOU WHERE, I TOLD HIM ABOUT HIS TOP SURGERY SO YOU WERE GONNA TELL HIM ABOUT T. NOW THE SURPRISE IS RUINED

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I’M STARTING T?????????

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

BRB GOTTA GO CRY

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

HAPPY TEARS. WHY THE FUCK WOULD I BE SAD ABOUT STARTING T

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

This was going to be a surprise Mr. Stark. Come on. Also it’s a package deal. @Spiderman is also starting T, we’ve been workin on a T formula that will work for him and his enhanced metabolism 

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I’m just gonna go cry with @PBP real quick

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

WE’RE STARTING T!!!!!!!!


	40. Day of Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have much written though I'm trying to write more, at least for now chapters will be a lot shorter.

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Remember everyone it’s the day of silence. I’m to see how many teachers either get annoyed or if that one teacher gives me detention even though I have a sticker saying that I’m not talking bc day of silence

  
  


**Ned** @NedLeeds

I’ve never seen anything so intense. Peter get a call and it was a face time thing at lunch so he started signing and then just fucking started junko poseing like a tik tok cosplayer getting faster and faster and idk who iniciated it or if he was just doing it to be annoying but it was halarious

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Who says I don’t cosplay…… 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Jesus fuck fine everyone, I’ll post the video of me and Harley signing on my tik tok later, find out what we’re talking about yourself. 

**I write tragedies not sin** @Lee

Are we just going to ignore that he said he might be a cosplayer???

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Yes. 

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

He’s said weirder shit

**I write tragedies not sin** @Lee

Oh damn, proper punctuation, this is serious

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Or is it?

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Stop saying cryptic shit

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

It’s clearly Harley’s day to run the account

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

You have the schedule you know this

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Yeah but the people don’t

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

The whole point is for them to guess who’s turn it is

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I know, I just wanted to point out it’s C L E A R L Y you in charge of it today

  
  


**@PBP**

Figure it out yourself hoes

[Peter is signing at his phone and getting more and more aggressive until he starts junko posing getting faster and faster until his arms are basically a blur. You can hear someone trying not to laugh]

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Weirdest phone convo I’ve had in school and I’ve had some weird convos in school

  
  


**Peter Parkour** @PBP

My spanish teacher gave me detention bc I didn’t talk

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

That’s transphobic

**I write tragedies not sin** @Lee

You shouldn’t call someone transphobic bc they give you detention over not talking in class

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Ok so the day of silence is actually about trans and lgbt kids (like myself) I gave each of my teachers notes before so they knew I can’t talk today and ALSO that teacher has used the wrong pronouns and deadnames me all the time. Not once has she tried to use my correct name

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

She’s transphobic

**I write tragedies not sin** @Lee

Ok yeah that’s valid

**I write tragedies not sin** @Lee

Your teacher is transphobic

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Ye she is


	41. Baby Stark do do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MOTHERS AND FUCKERS I HAVE REACHED ONE THOUSAND KUDOS! I'D LIKE TO THANK EACH EAND EVERYONE ONE OF MY VERY FEW BRAINCELLS FOR COMMING UP WITH THIS AND MAKING IT A REALITY!!!!!!!!!

**[Tony >Peter]**

**Tony:** Happy is sick, pick Morgan up from school 

**Peter:** Sure!

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Happy’s sick so I got to pick up Morgan! She’s seriously the best

[picture of Peter and Morgan taking a selfie together, Morgan is smiling wide

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Lol don’t even think about try to find out where she goes to school, you won’t find it and the spider bitch will go after you

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Remember people. Pedopilles are not part of the LGBTQ+ comminuty and never will be

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Also Morgan may only be 5 but she’s a Stark and has a team of lawyers ready to sue th shit out of anyone who does anything, like post where she goes to school online, take picture of her and post them online or in magazines (paparazzi) so like this is a warning not to fuck with Baby Stark 

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I love Morgan, but like I don’t just attack people I stop crime and shit you’re looking for @Spiderwoman

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Anyone who does any predatory shit to Morgan will be put in a coma, I’m not exaggerating, Morgan is the cutes and also I need my ballet partner

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I figured you’d straight up murder them

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Lol I’m too smart to get convicted of murder

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

You scare me sometimes

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

More than Spider Mom?

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

no

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Sigh, maybe someday

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

But not today

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

No not today


	42. the new spider person

**I write tragedies not sin** @Lee

I got my cousin who knows ASL to translate what @PBP signed.

**I write tragedies not sin** @Lee

@PBP Who the fuck is Spider Kid? Start talking

  
  


**[Interns discord]**

**Peter:** SOMEONE TRANSLATED IT! THEY KNOW ABOUT SPIDER KID

**Harley:** Why did you post that, obviously they would find out

**Peter:** I DIDN’T THINK THEY’D BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND

**Harley:** Well they did @Gwen deal with it

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Hi! Peter isn’t allowed to say anything since he’s a shitty liar, What’s the question

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Nvm I scrolled up. So we can’t tell you anything bc privacy and shit 

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

What I will say is that the Spider squad is growing

**I write tragedies not sin** @Lee

Wait. First of all THANK YOU FOR RESPONDING! Also THERE’S ANOTHER SPIDER PERSON????

**I write tragedies not sin** @Lee

Why Spider Kid?

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Tis a child

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

He’s reading this over my shoulder and is offended I called him a child

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

He’s a child

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Harley is glaring at me signaling I’ve said too much so Imma just take my leave 

**I write tragedies not sin** @Lee

Am I the only one with more questions than answers?


	43. Spider CHILD

**Spider Kid** @Spiderkid

HEY TWITTER! I finally joined everyone here on this hellsight!

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

That’s Tumblr not Twitter @SpiderKid

**Spider Kid** @Spiderkid

I thought it was Twitter??

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

No it’s Tumblr

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Tumblr for sure is worse

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

This is yet another reminder for those on Tumblr not to ship any of us or any other Avengers together, that’s weird and creepy

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Listen to the man you thirsty Tumblr bitches. Don’t deny it, stop shipping us together. This is your last warning

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

To add on to that reminder y’all know we both call spider mom spider mom, we see each other as spider sibling which means: ABSOLUTELY NO ROMANTIC FEELINGS BETWEEN US, ONLY PLATONIC

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Like the Dumbass Lesbian I am also gay as fuck, just without a girlfriend

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Spider people are gays disasters incapable of getting dates

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

That’s a fact

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I just made it up but considering I’m not dating one and neither is Spiderwoman it’s a fact

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Spider kid is a kid, I shouldn’t need to explain that to y’all

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

@PBP do the thing

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Sure! @Spiderkid

**Spider CHILD** @Spiderkid

yeah?

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

AYY now we all match, but yours is pg bc you’re a child

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

He’s fucking glaring at me and like, I just can’t take him seriously 

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Oh shit!

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

WHAT THE FUCK

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

And I thought I was the cool one


	44. No a chapter just a recomendation

Just a recommendation for if anyone is confused about who the new spider person is. 

reread chapter 30 and you'll know.

That is all


	45. Why my family is shit episode 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you STILL don't know who the new spider person is even after I told you to go reread chapter thirty reread chapter thirty, it tells you EXACTLY who is spider kid

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

When your super toxic family gets in contact with you only because they found out you’re dating a literal princess (not even mentioning your other girlfriend) literilly only to brag to they rich stupid friends about it and pretend like they haven’t seen you as a dispointment all your life and are totaly not doing to for clout. Fuckin mint

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Hi yes, welcome to another episode of “why my family is shit”

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I’d say that I’d be taken out of the will but that’s if I was ever IN the will, and I’ve been told multiple times 

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

lol people really be commenting about how that’s low key abusive. I know that bitches. Why do you think I don’t talk to my fucking family apart from that one cousin. 

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

@ that one cousin (you know who you are) you the shit

  
  


**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I got a random caller and it was my fucking mom calling me from a new phone. I blocked her for a reason and she called me up like “Hi Gwennie I’ve missed you, how are you doing? Is college alright? I hope you’re not working too hard, get enough sleep and make sure to eat healthy. I heard on the news that you’re dating the princess of Wakanda, that’s so wonderful you should both come over sometime and have dinner!” It was disgusting

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

No, there will be no “dinner” mom and there never will be so stop calling

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

She’s a bitch, and literally every one of my siblings? Used for her own social gain, and now I am perfect for the queen, think a pawn going to the back of the board away from the other pawns and king and queen, now I’m a queen I’m useful

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Before she didn’t give a shit, told me not to call, that I wouldn’t inherit anything

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Now I’m dating a princess I have value.

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

But I wasn’t valuable in highschool after I lost motivation to study and didn’t know how because I got Gifted Kid Burn Out. I had to fight to get my internship

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Didn’t matter that I’m an exception to the rules, I had a terrible GPA, but Tony Stark saw that I’m more than my grades and asked why I was applying if I knew I wouldn’t get in. So I showed him my designs, and he was impressed

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I’m making those into a reality

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I only got into MIT because of my internship, they turned me away until they saw I got it because I was given an exception

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Where’s the value in that?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Where is it when your other kids get into Harvard Law and Med School what does one kid who gets a Stark Internship and into MIT because of that internship?

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

@MJ @PrincessShuriOfWakanda come get ya girl

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Ok so while Gwen was typing she started getting angry tears that turned into a breakdown so we @ ed MJ and Shuri and like they ended up huddled on the floor together and like couple goals y’all. 

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

They’re just so cute together

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Anyone who says otherwise is a bitch, a liar and a bitch ass liar

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Why do literally half of us have fucked up childhoods, shitty parents or in Peter’s case dead parents?

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Gwen, Peggy and Peter have fucked up childhoods, ig I do since I found TONY FUCKING STARK in my garage when I was a kid. I also shot him with a potato gun

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Good times

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

People keep commenting that I’m going to get fired lol

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

That is false, out of the will? Maybe, fired? never

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You remember who was in the will last?

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

No idea 

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Thanks to everyone telling me it was Peter who’s out of the will

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Not for long

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

You never know

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You kinda do tho

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

You don’t

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@TonyStark

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

You little bitch

**I write tragedies not sin** @Lee

Is this an actual thing they argue about or is this just something they do on twitter @TonyStark ...???

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Lol as of Mr. Stark isn’t the one who started it, we mostly do it bc it’s become an inside joke, if aonyone does anything fucking stupid the immidiaty response is “you’re out of the will!”

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Now it’s mostly used for the purpose of annoying him, he’s gotten pretty tired of it. So we say it all the time

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Stop talking about my will

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Are we BOTH getting taken out of the will?

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Shit that would suck

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Ye it would

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Don’t you have a project you need to work on?

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Well yeah but then Gwens bitch ass mother called and now we’re not allowed in the lab bc MJ and Shuri kicked us out

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

They can go to the rec room and eat ice cream and watch movies or whatever

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

I’ll kick out Clint

**Can’t hear you** @Hawkeye

WHAT WHY

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Because you’ve been there binging The Office for the past NINE HOURS

**Can’t hear you** @Hawkeye

AND?

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Get out

**Can’t hear you** @Hawkeye

Shit gotta run

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Have fun sparring with Nat!

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

She’s been looking for him all day and he’s been watching The Office all day, he’s a dead man

**I write tragedies not sin** @Lee

Ok but like Tony Stark kicking out a fellow avenger for the Useless Lesbians to have privacy not on the lab floor is just the fucking best

**I write tragedies not sin** @Lee

That’s so fucking iconic


	46. "Vandalism"

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

@TonyStark yo answer my texts, come bail us out or like Pepper or someone, we need an adult

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

@KingT’challaofWakanda I need you brother, I have diplomatic immunity but I forgot my girlfriends don’t

**T’Challa** @KingT’challaofWakanda

Shuri

**T’Challa** @KingT’challaofWakanda

What did you do?

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

I’m with the cat, what did you do @HarleyKeener because I know that it’s not just you who got in trouble

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

You promise you won’t be mad?

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

That depends, what did you do?

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Tried to remove as much anti homeless architecture as possible, also handing out sleeping bags and food because people need to eat

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Ah fuck, Capsicle isn’t going to be happy

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Y’all we forgot about Cap’s mightiest power

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

The power of PSAs! SHIT

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

no

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

He’ll be mad that he wasn’t invited

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

So will most of the other Avengers

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Where the fuck is Loki @HarleyKeener

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Why am I getting the third degree??

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Peter isn’t corrupt, you and Gwen, MJ and Shuri are though

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Who’s idea was it?

**God of Mischief** @Loki

I volunteered actually, it was a good idea, there was nothing like that in Asgard, you mortals should take notes

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Who do I need to bail out?

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

A lot of people

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Gwen, Shuri, MJ, Peggy, Dave, Harley, Miles, Loki, Ned, Wanda, Thor and Peter (This is Mat)

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Wanda?

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

yeah, she also volunteered

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

THOR?

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Yeah, he was a huge help 

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

wait

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

@PBP @HarleyKeener WHERE IS MORGAN YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BABYSIT HER

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Oh she’s right here

[Morgan sitting on a chair with a juice box swinging her legs]

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

@HarleyKeener grounded for three months

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

WHAT

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

You can’t take Morgan to help you commit crimes 

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

It’s one of those stupid crimes to help people! Besides she was helping handing out blankets with Peggy and Dave, it was the rest of us who where as the cops put it “damaging thousands of dollars of public property” and doing “vandalism” and that we’re “menaces to society”

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

@PepperPotts 

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Every god has abandoned this limeline and Loki is left to rule a world of chaos

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Dramatic much?

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

You’re supposed to be on MY side

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I AM

**12%** @PepperPotts

You…… took my daughter where?????

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

To be fair… she had a fun time helping us dismantle this capitalistic society that hates the poor

**12%** @PepperPotts

Grounded for three months, tell me next time

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

He’s……………… 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

………… alive??????? 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

The gods have yet to abandon our dumbasses

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Loki has abandoned our dumbasses


	47. Regan Rant

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

@HarleyKeener I hope you’re happy, that was the worst

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I didn’t think it was possible...

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

A new record for sure

**Just another nerd** @JuSt_AnOth3r_N3rd

Elaborate?

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Cap went on a PSA tangent for like 4 hours, last time he went on one of those is when he heard that whole thing about someone from Regan’s commit or whatever (I don’t know what it’s called ok shut up) admitted that the “war on drugs” was racist and to jail anti war people

**Hela spawn of loki** @hela_spawn_of_Loki

Oh wow, I want to see Cap doing that

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

No you don’t

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

He went on the FOUR hours

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

If I get 1M likes in a week I’ll post Cap’s Regan administration rant, whole thing, unedited

**I write tragedies not sin** @Lee

Brb gotta go make a million accounts

**[a day later]**

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

If I get 1M likes in a week I’ll post Cap’s Regan administration rant, whole thing, unedited

**1.3M likes 1.7 Retweets**

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Just a little FYI this won’t be making me money, it’s three hours long and if I even thought about monetizing it Youtube would put an end to that shit

**Spider man stomp on me** @StarstruckRoman

Explain 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

No watch the video

**Spider man stomp on me** @StarstruckRoman

Post the video

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Touche 


	48. My family is shit episode 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> time for some ANGST

**[Shuri >Peter]**

**Shuri:** Peter! What flowers does Gwen like?

**Peter:** MJ likes black dahlia or something like that, and Gwen liked good quality lilies, make sure they’re good quality she can taste the difference and according to her bad quality flowers leave a really bitter taste in her mouth

**Shuri:** THANK YOU I THOUGHT THEY WERE BUT WASN’T SURE YOU’RE A REAL BRO

**Peter:** I gtg Shuri. Somethings happening at the Tower entrance

**Peter:** There are reporters

**Peter:** Why are there reporters?

There was a huge crowd around the tower with multiple news vans parked around it. Peter shoved his way through the crowd.

A woman with a microphone for channel five was standing next to two people “Mr. and Mrs. Stewart, why are you here today?” she asked them.

“I saw my daughter Meg at that press conference and when I heard about the foundation Mr. Stark created for my youngest daughter Eliza I had to come and see it for myself. Meg left as soon as she turned eighteen and never contacted us after. And then, and then her sister died and I haven’t seen her since, this is the first time we’ve heard of her. I just want to see my daughter,” Mrs. Stewart said with tears in her eyes. 

Peter texted Harley.

**[Peter >Harley]**

**Peter:** What happeneing?

**Harley:** Peggy's parents showed up, we assume the want money

**Peter:** How’s Peggy?

**Harley:** Not good, she’s in the lab and no one can come in, we’re trying to calm her down but she’s really scared.

**Harley:** She keeps sobbing about how they found her and that she shouldn’t have been at the press conference, she regrets the Alex Stewart foundation

**Peter:** I’ll handle it, don’t worry

Peter snuck in and then went into the lobby and walked back outside using the main entrance. 

Mrs. Stewart hugged him “thank you for helping me find my daughter!” she sobbed.

Peter stood there awkwardly until she let him go. “I need to ask what you’re doing here,” he said to the newswoman.

“I’m here to interview Mr. and Mrs. Stewart about their lost daughter,” she said, rather angry that Peter was talking to her.

“You need to leave right now, everyone, Mr. Stark did not approve this interview and you’re disturbing everyone who’s trying to work,” Peter said. 

Mr. Stewart glared at Peter “we’re not doing any harm, we’ve been trying to find our daughter for months and tell her about her sister's death, we want to see our daughter and we know she’s here. We also have a bone to pick with Mr. Stark, he used our daughter's name for a foundation, and we never approved it, we are her parents,” he said.

Peter sighed this was going to be difficult “everyone needs to leave, there’s not going to be an interview, Peggy will not be coming down here to see you and she is already well informed of her  _ brother's _ death. Either you leave peacefully or I’ll get security and none of you will be able to step foot near the tower again,” Peter said calmly.

Mrs. Stewart scoffed “You can’t speak for my daughter.”

“I don’t have to, she's having a panic attack right now at the thought of seeing you. We don’t need to give you financial compensation for anything, we didn’t use the name Eliza Stewart, it’s the Alex Stewart foundation. We used his chosen name, not his birth name. I can contact Mr. Stark's lawyers, you’ll hear the same from them. Now all of you, leave.”

Mr. Stewart tried to lunge at Peter, he stepped to the side “Friday, get Happy and the rest of security, also blacklist Mr. and Mrs. Stewart, they can’t step within five hundred feet of the building. Do the same for this reporter's entire news channel, they can’t go to any press conferences or conduct interviews with our employees or interviews about employees,” Peter said calmly knowing F.R.I.D.A.Y could hear him perfectly.

Now the reporter was mad “you don’t have the authority! You’re just an intern!” She hissed.

“I have full clearance as Mr. Starks  _ personal  _ intern, my request does need to be backed by another person with my clearance level, I know for a fact that that’s happened. We care very much about Peggy and I know that no one will have any problem backing up my command including Mr. Stark,” Peter said.

Happy walked outside with security “Peggy’s parents?”

Peter nodded.

Happy and the rest of his team started making everyone leave and getting them away from the tower.

**[Harley >Peter]**

**Harley:** You know that was all live right?

**Peter:** I know

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

SI protects their own, blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

We will not be releasing an official statement at the moment but for now all anyone needs to know is that we will protect Peggy, she’s done so much for us and is an amazing person. And unfortunately many amazing people are born into bad situations.

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Fuck with one of us you fuck with all of us so don’t fuck with any of us 


	49. It's time for a minecraft GAME THEORY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I legit got this idea watching the new mc game theory (yes it's an actual link to the video I swear) Also I'm once again running low on stuff I've written so updates will be shorter and every few days instead of everyday

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Y’ALL IT’S TIME

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Time time?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

TIME TIME

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

FUCK YES

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I @ ED THE DISCORD, IT’S TIME PEOPLE. IT. IS. TIME.

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

IT’S TIME!!!

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

OH SHIT WHERE YOU DIDN’T SAY WHERE

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

OH SHIT! REC ROOM OR?

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

NAT’S WATCHING CRIMINAL MINDS WE CAN’T

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

MY FLOOR THEN!

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

*cough*

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Excuse me, OUR floor

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

I thought so

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Stop being a petty bitch, time for some GAME THEORY

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

FUCK YEAH PEOPLE WE GOT A NEW  [ MINECRAFT GAME THEORY ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeGsKlvvXi0)

  
  
  


**Iron Man** @TonyStark

@HarleyKeener what did you do


	50. New rule (not an update)

Not an update but I'm getting tired of some people ~~iwritetragidiesnotsin~~ calling me a hoe.

the new rule is if you call me a hoe you need a reason for doing so just so I know why because there are many reason and I can't keep track of them all


	51. DDLC argumnt

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

What prompted this interrogation

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

I heard someone scream “you petty bitch” which is obviously Peter and I haven't even seen the footage from F.R.I.D.A.Y

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Aren’t you in a board meeting?

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

@TonyStark answer the question old man

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Answer the question

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Intern

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

HE FUCKING PUT ON A MOTHERFUCKING FNAF GAME THOERY AND I HAVEN’T PLAYED THROUGH SISTER LOCATION YET

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

ALL BECAUSE I SAID THAT DDLC IS A HORROR GAME

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

IT’S A FUCKING DATING SIM

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

HAVE YOU EVEN PLAYED DDLC??? OH MY GOD YOU SIMP

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

YOU DID NOT JUST CALL ME A FUCKING SIMP

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

YES I DID

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

SIMP.

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

DDLC IS FUCKING STUPID, IT’S A DATING SIM

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

IT’S LITERALLY MARKETED AS PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

IT’S LITERALLY A DATING SIM

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

I can hear the yelling from here. They’re yelling about a game fucking game

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

IT IS A MASTERPIECE

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

IT’S A DATING SIM

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

YOU HAVEN’T EVEN PLAYED IT HOW WOULD YOU KNOW

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

HAVE YOU SEEN THE DESCRIPTION

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

HAVE YOU IT SAYS AT THE BOTTOM IS VERY DISTURBING

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

YEAH BECAUSE IT’S A DATING SIM AND IT’S INAPPROPRIATE

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

OH MY GOD PLAY THE FUCKING GAME

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

FINE AND I’LL PROVE TO YOU THAT IT’S NOT SCARY

  
  


**Peter Parkour** @PBP

It took awhile but we’ve reached an agreement, Harley WILL play DDLC, RECORD IT and put it on my yt channel and if he STILL says it’s a dating sim then I’m moving floors

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

That’s not even part of the deal he’s just a petty bitch and being on the same floor as him fucking sucks

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

You’re not moving floors

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Damn

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

You can’t escape me

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

And if I’M right then Peter needs to change profile name to Peanut Butter Parker

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

IF

  
  


**Peter Parkour** @PBP

OH MY GOD, Y’ALL THIS IS THE BEST! I WAS RIGHT HARLEY

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

TIME TO BINGE THE GAME THEORIES BECAUSE THERE’S EVEN MORE TO DDLC

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@HarleyKeener do the thing

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

You were right, it’s a horror game, jesus fuck. To game theory

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

FUCK YEAH 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

TO GAME THEORY


	52. Shitty Life Advice with the Inters  (part 1)

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

People keep asking me for life advice

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Y’all realize i’m a teen right?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Anyway here’s the one piece of advice that I know is good

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

If Pepper says it’s ok it’s ok

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

But if she says don’t

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You do NOT at ANY COAST do it

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

And that’s it for today!

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

And ever because like I have no life advice to give

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

People keep asking for life advice so, every week we’re going to give you people our shitty life advice 

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Today it’s my turn! (Gwen here, hi) some people have shitty parents, you can leave your shitty parents. You owe them nothing and they are shitty and you CAN leave, fuck them (not figurativly, gross) and go be HAPPY

**3.4M likes 5.7M retweets**

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Why the fuck do people like this

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Either way, next week or really whenever it’ll be someone else's turn for shitty life advice with the Interns!


	53. Shitty Life Advice with the Interns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is literally like 200 words, but I'm running out of stuff and it's a short bit. I'm trying to starch out what I have and not post like 3 bits at a time like I used to.

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

We decided to do it daily because we’re impatient fucks

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Today on Shitty life advice with interns it’s me Harley here to give you some shitty life advice. Shooting Tony Stark with a potato gun can potentially change your entire life and help get you a really good job as an intern. 

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Also give him a limited Dora the Explorer watch that your sister owns 

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

And that’s if for Shitty life advice with the interns today

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Kid what the fuck

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

I enjoy making you see your reputation as a badass genius billionaire (former) playboy philanthropist crumble around you from things you are unable to control

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Just for that no lab privileges for a week

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

That can’t stop me old man

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

A month

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

fine

  
  


**Peter Parkour** @PBP

So I have been scrolling through tiktok (I’ve developed a tiktok addiction, get over it) and someone made a theme song for Shitty Life Advice with the Interns?? My heart? It’s amazing and here’s a  [ link ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZYgIrqELFw) because they need more FUCKING LIKES GIVE THEM THE APPRITIATION THEY DESERVE

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I see it’s gotten over a million likes

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Well done people


	54. rumors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be honest, the only reason this doesn't have two parts is because it was to short, so no cliffhanger for you today

**THAT person** @thatperson 

Are we not going to talk about the fact that not only do Peter and Harley share a floor but they have their own floor in the first place? Why is no one talking about this??

**THAT person** @thatperson 

Also they both have their own labs???? I thought they were just interns???

**I write tragedies not sin** @Lee

TRUE!! Why would interns have their own labs?

**I write tragedies not sin** @Lee

Peter said he was Tony Stark’s personal intern and Harley has been referred to as boss by Gwen but it still doesn’t make sense as to why they have their own labs. They also both have full clearance of everything in the tower

**Lee Benjamin** @leebenjamin

Yeah that’s really weird, and really bad if y’all get my drift

**I write tragedies not sin** @Lee

I do, but he  _ is  _ married with a kid

**Lee Benjamin** @leebenjamin

But he could still be one

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Heard y’all were talking shit

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Ok what the fuck are you people implying

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@HarleyKeener @TonyStark @PepperPotts shit’s happeneing

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Yo what the fuck are you hoes implying

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

What the fuck

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP KYLE

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Not the time for vines

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

fuck

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Press conference? @PepperPotts

**12%** @PepperPotts

Not yet, all three of you come to my office

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Oh shit they dead

  
  


**12%** @PepperPotts

We’ve decided not to do a press conference and just give the basic details here on twitter 1/?

**12%** @PepperPotts

A few months ago Peter’s aunt was killed in a fire trying to save a child. And in her will she asked us (me and Tony) to take in Peter because she knew how much the internship means to him and wanted to make sure if something ever happened to her he would have a good life 2/?

**12%** @PepperPotts

Peter has no other family and we (the Avengers) see him as part of our family and could not be more happy that he’s here with us. There is nothing going on that is inappropriate, and it’s quite frankly disgusting people would think that. 3/?

**12%** @PepperPotts

That’s a short explanation to your questions, and we will not be answering any at this time 4/4


	55. Weed day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had an idea and wrote this, so enjoy and HAPPY WEED DAY OF WEED MONTH/YEAR

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Y’all it’s weed day

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Holy shit it’s weed day

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

WEED DAY??

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

OH MY GOD WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Why do you think I had you make that tik tok with me?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

BECAUSE YOU LIKE VINES

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED DAY!!!!!!!!

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Do it for the weed

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

We would like to clarify and say that we do NOT do weed, we’re just in it for the memes

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Here’s the tiktok hoes

**@PBP**

Do it for the weed

[Gwen is holding a yellow crayon. “Gwen is that a ?” “No this is a-” “I’m calling the police!” Peter pressed 911 on a microwave. “ _911 what’s your emergency?”_ Gwen looks confused.]

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Of course Peter is the one calling the police

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Like Peter would actually have a weed

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

true.

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Hey!

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

OH MY GOD HE LOOKS LIKE AN OFFENDED PUPPY

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I DO NOT

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

OH MY GOD HE DOES

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

PETER HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS SO PURE?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I fucking dare you to play Cards Against Humanity with me

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

IT IS ON

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I’ll take the Spider Bitch you take the Spider Hoe?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Hell yeah

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

We agreed to NOTHING

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Yeah why are we roped into this?

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Spider Woman is as corrupt as Gwen. Spiderman is as pure as Peter

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Also it’s kinda a rule

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

SINCE WHEN???

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Since five seconds ago

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Spider bitch against spider hoe, may the best spider win

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I do not want to be a part of this

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You already are


	56. Avengers one on one extreme web wars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a hot minute since I posted so here's a long chapter

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Shity Life Advice with the Inters, Staring Dave!

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Never let Gwen, Spiderwoman, Peter & Spiderman play CaH against each other again

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

I agree, it’s an Interns Game night thing, no more challenging people to CaH one on one of 2v2, to much chaos

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Especially those four

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Only those four, everyone else can just no them

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Thanks a lot Dave

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

She’s kidding, the Spider Hoe is kidding

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

No I’m noahsbdjashb

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

You do NOT insult Dave ok

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Dave she doesn’t mean it

**[Interns discord]**

**Harley:** Gwen, really?

**Gwen:** You have a problem?

**Peter:** On the contrary I find it incredibly funny

**Harley:** Of course you do, you do the exact same thing

**Peter:** And people LOVE IT

**Gwen:** It’s so fun to cause drama with myself

**Peter:** You should try it sometime Harley

**Harley:** No

**Gwen:** Fair enough

**Gwen:** I’m going to go now and talk to my girlfriends about world domination

**Harley:** Gwen, we really don’t care, do what you want with your girlfriends, just not in the lab

**Dave:** Gwen you know I don’t care about twitter drama

**Peter:** She knows, it’s just fun to cause

**Peter:** People at school ask me all the time what I’d do if I was in trouble and only Spider Man could save me, would I let him or not? I always say “I’ll let him if it mean he gets shot saving me” it’s THE BEST

  
  


**[World domination discord]**

**Gwen:** Want to help me start some Twitter drama?

**Shuri:** I’m intrigued

**MJ:** So am I but for different reasons, spider drama?

**Gwen:** Hell yeah

**Shuri:** What do you have in mind?

**Gwen:** Well a few things, but in like a day or so because I have to do stuff today

**Shuri:** Ok, what is it?

**Gwen:** Tell you later, I just remembered I have a REALLY important exam tomorrow

**Shuri:** Sending my love and redbull

**Gwen:** 😘

**MJ:** I’ll send Bang

**Gwen:** I live both of you so fucking much, but I really have to go pull a quick allnighter and study

  
  


**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Everyone wants us to live stream it? Y’all it already happened 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

It wasn’t recorded. 

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Stop being dramatic you people have not been robbed

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

You have NOT ok

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Be that way and we won’t tell you who won

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

We played for FIVE FUCKING HOURS, we are telling them the results

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I don’t know who to side with, one one hand I’m with Gwen, and on the other hand I had to play CaH for five hours with the spider bitch

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Then again I instinctively oppose everything the Spider Bitch says so I’m torn

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Then it’s agreed, we won’t tell you people the winner for a few days

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

AT THE LEAST

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I promise it will NOT kill you people, we can do what we want and we DON’T want to tell you the results until later

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

It wasn’t even a high stakes game

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

In the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

That’s loser talk

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I WILL FUCKING HUNT YOU DOWN AND SHAVE YOUR FUCKING HEAD PETER

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I’m gay I was thinking of doing that anyway

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND FUCKING EMBARRASS THE SHIT OUT OF YOU

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Calm the fuck down, people will assume we lost

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Oh you’ve got it all wrong, I just want to embarrass the shit out of Peter

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I could care less about leaking the results

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

@PBP you will be getting embarrassed

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

With what?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Take your pick

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Wait no Harley take your pick @HarleyKeener

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Multiple?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

For sure

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Ok now I’m scared

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Spider bitch, help me

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Fuck no

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Gwen has Spiderwoman

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Fuck, fine

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I hate you and that’s not going to change

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

So no enemies to friends to lovers? 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I don’t know, are you going to do enemies to friends to lovers with Spiderwoman?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

FUCK NO

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

exactly

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Still embarrassing you

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

But you already did when you came and destroyed Flash!

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

No, the target was Flash, not you

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I WILL bring your girlfriends into this 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I’ve known them both longer then you and if I have to I will use that against you

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

how?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Don’t fucking test me 

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

You’re still as intimidating as a puppy Peter

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Round two? This time monopoly

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

NO

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

NOT FUCKING MONOPOLY NEVER MONOPOLY

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

THAT IS FOR A GROUP SETTING, NOT CHALLENGES

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

THEN WHAT DO I CHALLENGE HER TO?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

GWENDOLYN STACY I CHALLENGE YOU TO EXTREME ONE ON ONE AVENGERS WEB WARS TONIGHT ON THE PREMISE OF YOU SAYING I LOOK LIKE A PUPPY I CHALLENGE YOU

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE MAY WE PLAY AN HONORABLE GAME

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

AVENGERS ONE ONE ONE EXTREME WEB WARS. WHAT THE FUCK PETER

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

GWENDOLYN STACY DO YOU AGREE TO THE TERMS OF ONE ONE ONE AVENGERS EXTREME WEB WARS 

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I DO

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@BlackWidow DO YOU APPROVE OF THIS MATCH BETWEEN ME AND GWEN?

**Spider Mom** @BlackWidow

I approve

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

WE GO FOR A WEEK, ANYTIME ANYWHERE EXCEPT SLEEPING 

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

LET’S DO THIS SHIT

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

WE START IN 10 GRAB YOUR GUNS

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

THERE IS A REASON INTERNS DON’T DO AVENGERS ONE ON ONE EXTREME WEB WARS

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Kid what the fuck, you know what happened last time someone was challeneged to Avengers one on one extreme web wars

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

THE GAME HAS STARTED IT CANNOT BE STOPPED YOU KNOW THE RULES

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Avengers one on one extreme web wars was the worst idea we ever had


	57. New rule (the chapter)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> can't remember who gave me this idea but someone did so thank you, this is now a chapter

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

New rule! If someone’s going to call me a hoe they need to give me a reason or their request will be denied

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Stop calling me a hoe, I know it’s in the name but that’s only for @GwenStacy since she gave me this goddamn user

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

I’m being serious, stop calling me a hoe you hoes, I save your lives on a daily goddamn basis out of the goodness of my heart all I ask is to not be called a hoe, online AND while I’m saving your asses

**I’m Apollos favorite** @IMAPOLLOSFAVORITE

What prompted this new rule?

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Saved some guys ass and he called me a hoe because and I quote “my suit is so tight” along with a few other nasties 

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

That’s all he said, not thank you, no nothing, just don’t call me a fucking hoe for no reason

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

The only time when it fair to call me a hoe is if I ever rickroll anyone that’s it

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Wow I HAVEN’T rickrolled anyone yet??? Damn, need to step up my game

**Ace Murder Crows** @AceMurderCrows

Is that a threat?

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

yes

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

You WILL be getting rickrolled


	58. Responsability

**Odetonyama** @Odetonyama

@Spiderwoman HOW ARE YOU A HERO??

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Tbh wasn’t my choice, got my powers, Gwen know @PBP who knows Spiderman and she was like “HOLY SHIT YOU NEED HELP WITH THESE WEIRD SPIDER POWERS THAT ARE PRETTY SIMILAR BUT NOT IDENTICAL TO SPIDERMAN’S!” and the bada bing bada boom I was at the lab and Spiderman was there like congrats! You’re my partner. I'll show you the ropes and we’ll be a superhero duo.

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

And now I’m stuck with him, he’s to fucking pure he needs someone who will throw someone against a wall and not worry about them still being alive because you still need to stop an armed robbery. 

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

It’s called not hurting people for the hell of it

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

You almost got fucking shot that person deserved it

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

See? Only reason I’m a hero is because someone needs to save @Spiderman ‘s dumb ass

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Also Spider Kid, I need to make sure he doesn’t get shot too

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I was fine before

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

You got shot so many fucking times

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Would you take a bullet for me?

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

I wouldn’t take a bullet for ANYONE if I have time to jump in front of me YOU have time to get your ass out of the way

**I write tragedies not sin** @Lee

DAMN you make a good point. From now on instead of taking a bullet for a friend move your ass out of the way so NO ONE gets shot

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

MJ says I have and I quote “chaotic dumbass common sense” no idea what that means but it sums me up perfectly

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

It means your a chaotic dumbass but sometimes you gain common sense but the chaotic dumbass is still there and usually cancels out the common sense

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

HOLY SHIT I JUST REALIZED THAT THEY MADE ME RESPONSIBLE

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

WHAT! I DIDN’T THINK THAT WAS POSSIBLE

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Explain

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

You and spider kid are my responsibilities

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

And I’M NOT RESPONSIBLE

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

At least I thought I wasn’t

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

I guess I kinda am, but only for you two

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

I’m still bad at all other responsibility, especially when it’s for myself

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

No I will NOT be responsible, still gonna have my chaotic dumbass common sense, that’s not changing for a LONG time

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Stop telling me to be responsible for myself, it’s not happening


	59. Avenger one on one extreme web wars (A1V1EWW) part 1

Peter was walking out of school. As you do. When he got webbed. Gwen was already gone but you could hear her laughing. Peter cursed the webs would last awhile. “Ned was someone on the bike with Gwen?”

“I think so? Why is it to do with web wars?” Ned asked.

“Yeah, if she did it on her own she gets extra points. If Harley helped her she doesn’t. She can’t drive a motorcycle, no extra points. Want to help me web her to the side of the tower?” Peter asked Ned.

“Isn’t that dangerous?”

Peter shrugged “nah, it’s extra points,”

**New York Times** @NYT

There’s something mysterious on the side of Stark Tower no one is sure of what it is or if it could be dangerous

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Don’t worry everyone it me [A bad selfie of Gwen webbed to the side of the tower]

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

lol people are worried about me dying

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

@PBP well played good sir

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You’re bad at drive bys

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I still got you

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

With help from Harley

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Everyone we swear it’s safe

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Remember Clint was stuck to the side of the tower a while ago

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

He challenged Bucky 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

That was a fun day

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

As soon as this webbing dissolves I’m going to get you Peter

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Fucking try I dare you

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I have Harley

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Having help means less points

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Quantity over quality

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

We’ll see about that

**Andy’s coming** @Andy

IS NO ONE IN THE TOWER WORRIED ABOUT HER DYING? LIKE SHES ON THE SIDE OF THE TOWER, SHE HERSELF SAID THE WEBBING WOULD DISSOLVE

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

It’s as strong as steel and I literally made it so the spider bitch wouldn’t fall to his death swinging around

**Andy’s coming** @Andy

But Gwen doesn’t have spider powers!

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Neither does Clint and he’s not dead

  
  


**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I’m back inside, let the games resume

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

HE FUCKING GOT ME AGAIN

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

WHAT THE FUCK

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

That’s what you get for trying to get to my lab through the vents

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOUR VENTS BOBBIETRAPPED WHAT THE FUCK PARKER

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Clint keeps falling into my lab while I’m doing important shit, I need a way to keep him away

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You’re lucky you don’t have hearing aids, that’s the real thing to keep Clint away

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I WILL GET YOU ONCE THESE FUCKING WEBS DISOLVE MARK MY WORDS PARKER

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

no

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

HE FUCKING OPENED THE VENT AND PUT A FUCKING ORANGE SLICE JUST OUT OF REACH

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I CAN SMELL IT AND IT SMELL TERRIBLE

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

PARKER I WILL GET YOU FOR THIS

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Having you hate the smell of orange and not be allergic to it is fun 

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

It does come in handy

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I WILL GET THE PEPPERMINT OIL YOU SPIDER BITCH

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

HA TRY ME

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@Spiderman want to help me?

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Lol no bitch, do it on your own

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Spider bitch

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Peanut Butter Parker 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Still stolen from Harley

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Gwen’s gone now and not in my lab which is nice.

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Clint came by and started cursing at me for still having the traps up

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

lol

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

And he’s also gone, need to do my homework now ig

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Yes I have homework you people thought I didn’t? What?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I’m in highschool, I have homework

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Speaking of which...

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

not helping you

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Damn it


	60. Creepypasta and A1V1EWW Part 2

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I love how all three of us have our own little place to hang out upside down and be spidery, like there’s perma-webs everywhere I think Mr. Stark got sick of it and now there’s a small dark room we inhabit, a few people on tours who walked away went in the room and @Spiderwoman scared the shit out of them

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

This is a friendly reminder not to go wandering off during tours @Spiderwoman likes being a menace to society and scaring the shit out of anyone who leaves the group, Happy likes it too because it discourages people from wandering off. So it’s a win/win for us anyway, not for the people scared shitless

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

No bodily harm, just hissing and crawling towards you on the ceiling

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Yes like that tiktok where I crawled towards Ned on the ceiling, but in the dark, and faster bc I’ve been practicing.

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

To bad I’m a superhero or I could be the BEST creepypasta, like in SI that no one talks about but everyone knows it’s me but new people, interns and people on tours

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Spider mom said no, ig my dream of becoming a creepypasta will not happen anytime soon RIP

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

RIP no creepypasta today 

  
  


**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I GOT HER AGAIN

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

PETER I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

HOW ARE YOU SO BAD

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

YOU’RE JUST SHORT AND HARD TO NOTICE IN A CROWD

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

COME ON THIS WAS ON CAMPUS WHAT THE FUCK

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

PAYBACK FOR YOU DOING IT AT MY SCHOOL

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I CANNOT BE GETTING WEBBED BY A CHILD ON THE FUCKING MIT CAMPUS WHAT THE FUCK

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

YOU ARE BARELY OLDER THAN ME

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

ALSO FUCK YOU THIS IS AVENGERS EXTREME ONE ON ONE WEB WARS THE MIT CAMPUS WILL NOT SAVE YOU

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

DAMN IT, I’M PLANNING MY REVENGE PETER

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Ok what the FUCK, people are seriously thinking that I’m going to deadname or misgender you as my “revenge” @PBP

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Yes I’m an idiot and totally pissed at him, but I’m not a piece of absolute shit 

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Why the fuck would I purposefully misgender and/or deadname one of my best friends?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

That’s not revenge, that’s being a piece of shit

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I’m pissed but I wouldn’t fucking deadname him, there’s no excuse for that, how dare you people say I use him being trans to my advantage


	61. Ok Boomer

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

*like a boomer* when I was first starting out I didn’t have the resources you kiddos had today, I had to make my suit from scratch and had to make sure I didn’t get shot because it would have killed me because it was before Mr. Stark let me join the Avengers

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

You kids have it to good these days

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

I know you’re joking but I’m fucking older then you

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I’ve had my powers longer

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

You also have the most basic powers

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

ReSpEct yOUr eLDerS 

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

ok boomer

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

You’re like 7 months older than me stfu

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

You sure about that Boomer?

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

You’re older than me, so you’re a boomer

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

But you said it yourself you’ve had your powers longer

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

BOOMER

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Spider Kid just “ok bommered” us both 

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Yeah, we’ve formed an alliance against him

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

I’ll get the Raid

**Carry on my wayward ships** @Carry_On_My_Wayward_Ships

More proof that the spider people are the DEFINITION of siblings everywhere


	62. Left lung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I told myself I wouldn't do two updates in a day, but it's literally 45 words and there's a long chapter planned next so why not.

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Shitty life advice with the interns day 4! Brought to you by Mat! 

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Some people are dicks and will refuse to use your correct pronouns. Steal their left lung

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

truly advice for the ages


	63. Right lung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I actually made this because people where asking about the right lung (also stealing lungs has been mentioned before somewhere)

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

For everyone asking: NO YOU CANNOT TAKE THE RIGHT LUNG IF YOU’RE DEADNAMED OR MISGENDERED. The right lung is for people who invalidate your sexual and/or romantic orientation

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

If they don’t die from the first lung getting removed they will with the second! It takes a max of two fuck ups to 100% die from being a dick

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Now PLEASE stop @ ing us asking, we DO have work to do


	64. Hands and eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yet another one! fueled by comments! it was fun! (it also is delaying a big chapter coming up with drama but this was super awesome to write so it's whatever)

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Everyone keeps asking about eyeballs and kneecaps, So let’s talk about the eyeballs and hands (no kneecaps,,, yet)

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

That’s right we going back to the good old bible

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Not religious so I don’t know where it is but I’m like 99% sure it says somewhere in there that if a guy is to stare at you in a predatory manner he should gouge his eyes out. But you don’t need to follow exactly, you can do it yourself if they refuse to do it themselves

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

If a guy (or anyone, anyone can be a predator people) touched you in an unwanted manner ESPECIALLY if it’s a sexual unwanted manner cut off his hands

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

It’s funnier when you realize Gwen calls the bible the bib-le 

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

BITCH! Christians will already be after me! Don’t give them more shit to be made at me about!

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I would have but you said on multiple occasions you give no shits about their view on anything you do and that you’d gladly punch them in the face because of their stupid 2000 year old opinions that have next to no use in modern day 

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Ok yeah I did say all of that

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I’m getting hate already, lol

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Ya know why I think the classic argumet of “the bible forbids homosexuality” is bullshit? Because people used an almost IDENTICAL article to defeand slavery. It hadn’t been condoned in the bible, so it was ok

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

That’s slavery, slavery is BAD

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Pick a better argument other than a religious one you morons

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Come back to me then you have more than “it goes against basic biology” for hating trans people

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Guess what bitches

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

BIOLOGY. ISN’T. FUCKING. BASIC

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Come back to me with actual science that have credible sources and then I’ll listen to what you have to say.

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Look at Gwen! Being an amazing trans ally!

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

One more thing:

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

The fucking A doesn’t stand for ally, thank you for comming to my Ted Talk


	65. The end of the body part saga

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this entire saga has been fuels by comments, and tbh it's been fun. though it's also pushed my plans of a long chapter back by several days

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Christians keep telling me that they’re checking their bibles to see if what I said is true, and then being chill people and saying I am right

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

That’s chill of y’all

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

No all christians are bad

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

There are many (like the ones I just mentioned) who are chill and not dumb fucks who only follow the part of the bible they want to

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

All the other christians are telling me I’m wrong, am going to hell, and I’ve even gotten a few death threats

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

fun (this is sarcastic, death threats aren’t fun)

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I don’t know exactly where it is but it’s in the bible, be in denial if you want. But like, it’s there. You guys just won’t follow it because you don’t want your eyes to get gouged out

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

But if you really cared about the bible you’d follow ALL of it, not just the parts you can use to excuse shitty behavior to other people. Once again, the same argument that was used to allow slavery is being use to allow homophobia

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Both ar bad

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Both hurt people

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Ya know what I’m done talking about this, so to all the chill christians, thanks for NOT sending me death threats and fact checking me to make sure I’m right, I get that you’d want to make sure that what I said is true

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

And for everyone else threatening to kill me: you realize I know the fucking Avengers right? Are you fucking stupid? 

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

If anyone kills this hoe I’m obligated to smash their head into a wall because she makes my suits, we’re both dumbasses and the only thing keeping us from dying is not wanting to die before the other because of our dumbassery


	66. Short person spite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how this chapter went from Shitty Life Advice with the interns to THIS but ngl it was fun to write. Still need to post that long kinda plot relevant (as much as it can be in this crack fic) chapter

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

And for the finale of Shitty Life Advice with the interns we have PEGGY!

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Platonic relationships can be just as if not more important than romantic relationships

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

PLATONIC. LOVE. IS. IMPORTANT

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

People need to stop acting like if you don’t have a romantic relationship you’re not living your best life. You can be happy without romance.

**AND PEGGY** @MargretStewart

I hate it when people come into my DMs and start lecturing me about how I’m not aromantic and asexual and that I just need to find the right person, it makes trying to accept myself much harder

**AND PEGGY** @MargretStewart

I block everyone who does of course but at least a few times a month someone will tell me I’m not real

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

WE’RE BRINGING IMPROVISED WEAPONS INTO THIS NOW GWYNETH?? OK LET’S FUCKING GO

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

HOW THE FUCK GWEN

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

OH MY GOD AND ON THE CEILING

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I WILL GET YOU

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

  1. now that’s out of the way that was fucking AWESOME. I didn’t think you were planning THAT



**Peter Parkour** @PBP

She made a new webgun and webbed me to the ceiling

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I had to do SOMETHING big, you webbed me to the side of the tower AND on campus

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

And that will NOT stand

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

BUT… did you have help??

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

no

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I did it no my own, I was planning this for the next web wars for the spider hoe

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

YOU HOE! YOU WHEREN’T SUPPOSED TO SAY

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

WHAT THE FUCK

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

FUCK YOU SPIDER HOE

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

NOW NEITHER OF US CAN USE THAT LOOPHOLE

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

PRACTICALLY EVERYONE WILL HAVE A CUSTOM WEB GUN FOR THE NEXT AVENGERS WEB WARS

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

OH SHIT

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I FORGOT! JUST FIND ANOTHER FUCKING LOOPHOLE 

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

I ALREADY AM

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

HOW THE FUCK PETER

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

S P I T E FUELS ME

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

YEAH! SHORT PERSON SPITE

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

SAY THAT AGAIN I DARE YOU

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

YOU. ARE. SHORT

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

FIRST, NOT ANYMORE AND SECOND

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I’M DYING OH MY GOD

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

HE’S IN LIKE 4 INCH PLATFORM SHOES, HE FUCKING SPRINTED AWAY AND SPRINTED BACK IN THEM

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

HOW ARE YOU NOT DEAD?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

SPITE

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

SHIT

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I SEE YOUR POINT

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

DAMN

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

IG I DO HAVE SHORT PERSON SPITE, DESPITE NOT BEING THAT SHORT


	67. Side Hoes and Spider Hoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's finally here! the chapter that kept getting pushed back because of other stuff!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to make is clear, and this isn't tp be rude, But I really only like putting someone as a random commenter once, as in you'll be in one chapter. This isn't to be rude I just want to make sure other people who haven't been a random commenter get the chance to be in this.

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Why have a side hoe when you can have a spider hoe

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Bitch I am not your side hoe or your spider hoe

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Since when

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Since I became @PrincesshuriofWakanda ‘s side hoe

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

BABE? @PrincessShuriofWakand

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

It’s not what it looks like

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

YES IT IS

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

This is why no one likes you spider hoe

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Stop spilling secrets Spider hoe

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

MEET ME AT THE IHOP PARKING LOT YOU SPIDER HOE AND BRING YOUR SWORD

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Why the fuck would I have a sword

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

EITHER BUY ONE OR MAKE ONE, WE FIGHT AT DAWN

**IHOP** @InternationalhouseofPancakes

Please don’t fight in our parking lot

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

FINE WE’LL DUEL IT OUT IN THE WAFFLE HOUSE PARKING LOT

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

WE DUEL AT DAWN SPIDER HOE

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

BITCH WHAT THE FUCK

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I FIGHT FOR HONOR AND MY GIRLFRIEND, YOU FIGHT FOR NOTHING

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

I can’t take this anymore

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

You both need to shut up and stop causing drama

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

Sorry everyone but it’s fake

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

BUT BABE! MY HONOR

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

First, your Prince Zuko is showing, also we literally planned this in the discord it’s fake, y’all can stop now

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I LITERALLY made this just so I could fight the spider hoe in a parking lot

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

You can still do that, just don’t cause Twitter drama over it

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

Tabloids are foaming at the mouth, don’t let them have fun

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

You make a good point, fuck the tabloids

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Spider hoe, you, me the training room at dawn

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

WHY AT DAWN

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I like seeing you suffer

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

We both have terrible sleep schedules, you’ll be suffering with me

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

You FOOL

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I DON’T SLEEP

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

You can’t suffer from something you don’t do

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

Babe you need sleep

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Sleep is for the weak

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Dave says to take her, (and so do the rest of us) she almost fell asleep while working with acid

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I SAW NOOT

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

PLEASE come get her

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Gwen you need sleep

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Stop talking, you’re also extremely tired and haven’t slept in over 24 hours

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

MJ, come get your disaster girlfriends

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

Jesus fuck you two, I’m comming, am I the only one of us who has a kind of decent sleep schedule?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

yesa


	68. Rebranding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Running low on content again, so cahpters will not be coming out daily as you probably figured out by now but still

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP! Ok Mat has something to say

**DoorMat** @MatDoore

Yeah Mat isn’t working so I’m changing my name to Janus

**Janus** @JanusDoore

Rebranding, fun

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

RIP doormat on to bigger and better things as Janus

**Janus** @JanusDoore

I only chose Mat because My last name is fucking door, comedy, ya know? But I don’t vibe with it anymore

**Janus** @JanusDoore

I will be stealing left lungs if you don’t use my new name

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

The rest of us interns will be helping

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

FUCK YEAH WE WILL

**I guess I Stan Him Now** @Sealy

it still kinda fits bc Janus is the Roman god of new beginnings and transitions (I think I’m going off knowledge from Battle of the Labyrinth)

**Janus** @JanusDoore

Yes that’s why I chose it 

**Janus** @JanusDoore

And not because I watched the new Sander sides and vibed with the name and also name reveal

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I watched it with them

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I cried

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Where is our dark strange son we need answers Thomas

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Fucking @ him

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

No

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

why?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I’m not bothering THE Thomas Sanders

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I waited 10 months for this one I can wait another 10 for answers

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Or just read theories and therefore cry even more bc theories

**Janus** @JanusDoore

We can binge the whole thing and THEN read theories

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

FUCK YEAH WE CAN!!!!!!!!!

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Later losers, time to cry

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

@JanusDoore what about Joan?

**Janus** @JanusDoore

No, not going after Joan’s brand

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Their brand is beanies, you don’t wear beanies

**Janus** @JanusDoore

Still no

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Fair enough

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

In other news, we’re binge watching the whole thing tomorrow in Peter’s room

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I never agreed to that!

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Harley refuses to let us do it in his room, also we can’t do it in the rec room. Besides it’s funny

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Will I cry?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Bitch, i cried, you’re going to cry

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Fine I’ll watch with you guys

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

NICE, we could make a reaction comp for the important episodes for your yt

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Fine, how long will it take?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Not sure, but awhile

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Let’s do this

**My scone!** @myscone

one of us one of us

**My scone!** @myscone

(dear god what have I started)


	69. nice

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Has anyone else just been non stop seeing 69 memes and can't stop thinking about it?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

SAME! No idea what the fuck is going on, but…

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

nice

**Star Dust Rose Dancer** @Stardustrosedancer

Same, can’t get 69 off my mind today

**Janus** @JanusDoore

A Lot of other people have been saying the same on Twitter, kinda weird but not the weirdest thing ever

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Definitely not when you work with the spider bitch regularly

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Can you shut the fuck up for ten minutes?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Can you stop hissing on the ceiling whenever someone comes close to you? There’s literally a room that MADE so you can be weird and hang out on the ceiling

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

But then I wouldn’t get to annoy you

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You being alive annoys me

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Oh wow, that’s fucking rude

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

How Spider Bitch?

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

You said me being alive annoys you, that’s fucking rude

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You also randomly drop your phone my my head while scrolling through tik tok bc you forget about ravit and that it won’t fall on your nose

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

When you can walk on walls gravity is really fucking annoying

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@TonyStark can we make an anti gravity chamber? So I can lock the Spider Bitch in it so he doesn’t get in the way while us interns are trying to work?

**IronMan** @TonyStark

No, there’s already a spider room, gravity stays

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Wait no that sounds really cool

**IronMan** @TonyStark

no

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

awww damn it

**IronMan** @TonyStark

You’re supposed to be working on an update for A.L.E.X Peter

**IronMan** @TonyStark

Not fighting over Twitter with SpiderMan until you make some progress

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I can do both, and I am

**IronMan** @TonyStark

No

**IronMan** @TonyStark

Work on A.L.E.X

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I AM working on the child

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

I love that we call A.L.E.X the child, yes we have one in our lab, and we love him

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

ayy free marketing, take that marketing interns

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

They just challenged us to a game of 3 person chess, we retract our statement

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

But seriously we use A.L.E.X all the time and he’s really helpful, always tells us to make sure we sleep and sometimes it’s nice to just talk to him, ya know?

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

He’s a cool little robot

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

A.L.E.X says he’s an AI 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Mr. Stark I’ve made like 69 code improvements and upgrades already

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

OH MY GOD AGAIN WITH THE 69

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

THIS IS SOME WEIRD ASS CONSPIRACY I TELL YOU 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I KNOW

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

IT’S SOME WEIRD SHIT

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Alex just said “nice” because we’re talking about where we’ve seen and heard 69

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

It’s fucking adorable

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

10/10 AI

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You men 69/10


	70. sprinting in stilettos

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Spider people assemble! We need to win Avengers Web wars, I really want a break from sparring linguistics

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Dude we tried that already and lost

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

First off you dull toaster oven this time we have Spider Kid. And we can make better webguns thanks to @Spiderwoman also you’re not a fucking spider person so go back to your fucking lab and be a hermit again

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

YOU’RE IN MY LAB

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

YA KNOW WHAT GET OUT, I’M GETTING THE FUCKING BROOM

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

GOOD LUCK AT WINNING WEB WARS WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT ENGINEERING

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

He’s gone, started hissing at me and left through the vents 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

WAIT @Spiderman COME BACK I HAD AN IDEA FOR A VINE

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I can hear him laughing in the vents, he’s not coming back

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I’d say fuck him but everytime to do or say to fuck anyone everyone replys with “DO NOT” so no, not getting that satisfaction bitches

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

@Spiderwoman we still have Gwen though right?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Lol no, sorry hoes but I’m with my girlfriends, time to take down the deadly dream team

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

HOE WHY

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Get a girlfriend that knows science or learn it yourself boo

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

damn, we really need to learn a thing or two about engineering

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

nvm I have an idea Spider people assemble!

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Don’t even try stealing our shit spider hoe

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

lol not my plan “boo”

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

We have pretty much the same moral code, if I’d steal shit in this situation so would you. I’ll web you to the side of the tower if you steal my shit

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

I steal your shit all the time and you never notice lol

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

HOE WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU STOLEN THAT’S MINE?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

YOU COME BACK HERE YOU SPIDER HOE

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

SHE HAS RAID, I REPEAT SHE HAS RAID!!

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

OH FUCK 

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

well, that was fun, I’m finding my shit spider hoe

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Let this be a lesson to all of ye, never steal my shit

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Don’t touch my shit and you’ll have a long happy life

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

I’M STILL ALIVE

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Yeah I’m waiting to find what you stole, that’ll determine your fate

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Then I might as well commit toaster bath right now

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

@PBP those two put our rivalry to shame sometimes tbh

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

True

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You don’t steal MY shit right?

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Unlike @Spiderwoman I have some morals, I don’t steal

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Fine.

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

What food of mine have you eaten

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

First of all I have an enhanced metabolism and so do Spiderwoman and Spiderkid

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I knew it was you stealing my food

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Label your fucking food

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I DO

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

YOU ATE MY PIZZA ROLLS! YOU BITCH

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

COME BACK HERE AND FACE ME LIKE A MAN

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I’LL FACE YOU LIKE A SPIDER SHORTY

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

FINE YOU SPIDER BITCH YOU ASKED FOR IT

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Oh shit Peter got his stilettos

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

He can fucking sprint in them, it’s a terrifying sight

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

GET BACK HERE YOU SPIDER BITCH COME AND FACE ME LIKE A SPIDER I FUCKING DARE YOU

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I REGRET EVERYTHING

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

HOW CAN YOU RUN IN THOSE

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

S P I T E

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

ALSO PRACTICE BUT MOSTLY SPITE

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

OH FUCK

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@TonyStark I need to go to the med bay and I can’t walk because I tripped

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

IDIOT

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You’ve tripped while walking down a building spider bitch

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I sprained my ankle, worth it to scare the spider bitch shitless

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

To everyone telling me buys can’t wear heels, first off, thanks for gendering me correctly and I’ll wear then to fucking school and sprint in them in gym if I have to

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Do it! Do it! Do it! DO IT!

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

@PBP house rule #3

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

House rule number 3, AKA lab rule number 3: if Gwen says to do it don’t do it

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I mean if it’s to destroy gender roles and to show off then I’m going to do it anyway

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

When you break your ankle I’ll be laughing


	71. NOT AN UPDATE

I had the idea of making another series with the same characters, there'd be like short stories (field trip au anyone?) or stories of a typical or not so typical work day for the inters including some Web Wars stuff. Context to what happened on Avengers one on one extreme web wars and more detail of what happened. Stuff like that that wouldn't affect this story but would still be like a fun read and have the same lovable characters.

comment and tell me what you think of it, and if you want to see more of a certain scene (E.X when Gwen got that call from her mom)


	72. Untested device

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you've seen the last chapter (the update) then you know I saw to make a series basically giving context to events that happen and I need a name. Right now I'm thinking of "Who hired them???" but I'm not 100% certain and would love to see any ideas for a name, of course it's only if you want to and you do not have to and if you say "fuck you I'm not going to do it" that's totally fine.

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

PETER BENJAMIN PARKER YOU ARE A LITTLE SHIT

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I SET A FUCKING TRAP FOR HIM AND WHAT DOES HE DO? GOES THROUGH THE VENTS SAYING HE WAS CHASING SPIDERMAN. NOT OUT OF CHARACTER BUT USUALLY THEY DON’T CHASE EACH OTHER THROUGH THE VENTS BC SPIDERMAN PRACTICALLY LIVES THERE AND KNOWS HOW TO EVADE PETER

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

BUT THEN MADE ME FORGET ABOUT IT (cease fire during work hours) AND FUCKING USED WHAT HE WAS BUILDING THAT MAY I TELL YOU WAS UNTESTED TO FUCKING USE MY TRAP AGAINST ME

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

COME ON

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

HOW IS HE SO FUCKING GOOD

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You’re forgetful

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Also the device WAS tested

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

YEAH ON ME FOR THE FIRST TIME WHEN YOU USED IT TO TRAP ME IN MY OWN TRAP

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Technicalities have no place is Avengers one on one extreme web wars you know that.

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

IT WAS AN UNTESTED DEVICE PETER

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

All it did was make a noise the shocked you so much that you jumped back trying to get away from it

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

And what. Is. it. Supposed. To. Do?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

It’s supposed to send out a sound that stuns someone for several seconds

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

And what did it do?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Made you jump back into the trap because the noise was jarring

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I don’t know about you Peter Benjamin Parker but to me that sounds like A DANGEROUS UNTESTED DEVICE THAT SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN USED ON A PERSON BECAUSE IT HAD NEVER BEEN TESTED BEFORE AND YOU HAD NO IDEA IF IT WOULD WORK WITH THE INTENDED PURPOSE

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I see your point

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

YOU FUCKING BETTER SEE MY FUCKING POINT BECAUSE YOU USED AN UNTESTED DEVICE ON ME AND NOW I’M FUCKING PISSED

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You weren't before?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

MY WRATH HAS NO LIMIT AND YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS SHIT

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

IT’S ACTUALLY FUCKING DANGEROUS

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

Look at one of my girlfriends, using her brain cells

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I know, I’m surprised to

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN PARKER BECAUSE I WILL GET YOU AND YOU BETTER PRAY IT’S NOT WITH AN UNTESTED DEVICE


	73. cool freashman

**Miles of Smiles** @MilesMorales

I can’t believe next year I’ll be a freshman!!

**Miles of Smiles** @MilesMorales

I’m going to Midtown and it’ll be AWESOME!

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Dude seriously? I dub thee a cool freshman and also part of our squad

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

You idiot you need to get 3 people to approve a new squad member

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Oh wait this kid, yeah he’s cool, welcome to the squad

**Miles of Smiles** @MilesMorales

this is the BEST DAY

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Wait why do you like him?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Dude made some fucking awesome fanart of the interns

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I have mad respect for his skills

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Just checked out his pages, approved

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Hoe you are not in the squad you can’t approve shit

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

According to who?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

To me, hoe, no spider people

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

You’re being arachnist

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

What?

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Like racist but for spiders

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I just don’t like you hoe, Spiderman isn’t in the squad either

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

SINCE WHEN??

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Since always

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

SPIDER KID’S IN THE SQUAD

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

He doesn’t steal our food and other shit

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

You two just hate us

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

What gave you that idea? Your usernames we gave you?

**Ned** @NedLeeds

OH MY GOD I’M IN IT TOO! AND SO IS @MJ AND SHURI

**Ned** @NedLeeds

APPROVED

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Nice fanart Miles, approved incase I didn't already say it

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

WELCOME TO THE SQUAD MILES!

**Miles of Smiles** @MilesMorales

:D

**Miles of Smiles** @MilesMorales

This. is. The. best. day.

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

@PBP since when are you cool enough to make someone a cool freshman?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Since I became the kid who lives in Stark Tower and regularly gets into Twitter beef with the Spider Bitch 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Since Flash was forced out I’ve become kinda cool, not like popular but people know not to mess with me anymore which is nice

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I thought that the regular Twitter beef with SPiderman made people not mess with you

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Eh bit of both, either way it’s night to not be called Penis Parker anymore

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

FLASH CALLED YOU WHAT??

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

He’s rolling around on the floor, it’s not THAT funny

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

eh it’s like decent, Peanut Butter Parker is still better

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

-_-

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

And I’M the immature one

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

I’M not the one who watches She-ra princess of power

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

IT’S VERY GAY OK, ALSO i HAVEN’T SEEN SEASON 5 SO NO SPOILERS

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

How gay?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Multiple gay characters, trans caharcter, even an autistic one! Season 1 isn’t the great but it get better

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

CANONICAL TRANS CHARACTERS?????

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

AWESOME

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Well not canonical, it’s not said but yeah they are trans

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I might watch it

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Skip season 1, you won’t like it

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Why?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Not super interesting and it won’t get you very invested

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Watch princess ball, there’s a girl in a suit

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

GIRLS IN SUITS!! I LOVE GIRLS IN SUITS BRB GOTTA SEE THE GIRLS IN SUITS

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

ASHJFKDHDFGJK 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Yeah, Catra’s awesome

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

All the homosexual tension between her and Adora is the best and now I must watch the whole thing


	74. marble

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@TonyStark just so you know I’m in the med bay

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

What did you do kid?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I wanted to get the marble out of the japanese soda bottle thing bc the marble and I was using the screwdriver method but it took forever so I smashed it and tried to get the marble out and cut my hand

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

He’s in the med bay, fucking idiot

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Yes, there was a lot of blood, he’ll be fine he’s just an idiot with a low impulse control. Peter you could have used the glass cutter, we have a glass cutter

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I forgot

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Of course you did

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Yeah, you need to use tongs to get it out

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Oh fuck, time to go to the med bay

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Why are my interns so irresponsible 

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Well I mean you did personally hire me Mr. Stark, I may be a dumbass but I have good ideas for stuff sometimes

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

I didn’t realize that meant cutting up your hand with glass. You have like 2 glass cutters in your lab kid

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I too am a dumbass who forgot about that

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I’d have used the screwdriver method but that takes fucking forever

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

I thought Peggy was the responsible one

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

She and Dave are in the lower labs, some other interns needed their help and they needed stuff

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Harely didn’t think I’d do it and look at me now

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

we really need more brain cells in the lab don’t we?


	75. stealth mission

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Stealth stealth, stealth mission

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Stealth stealth, stealth mission

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

You absolute fuckwad, don’t blow the stealth mission, stop whisper-singing that

**Spider CHILD** @Spiderkid

Stealth stealth, stealth mission

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

And now Morgan’s whisper-singing along with Spiderman and Spiderkid, this is not stealthy anymore

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

If they blow our mission I’ll be pissed

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Who stole ALL the raw peppers? Steve is PISSED

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

AND all the cookies?? Bucky is going to kill someone

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Why does Steve need the peppers?

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

He’s making casserole or something, his mom’s recipe

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

NO WAY! THAT’S THE BEST

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

And now Bucky’s going to get more

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

And that’s bad because…?

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Bucky’s death glare WILL scare people

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Welp you better find the pepper thief, I’ve been in the lab all day with Peggy and Harley

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I’ve been with Shuri helping her with some stuff

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

We’re working together on some stuff, and MJ is with us doing stuff for Pepper

  
  


**Iron Man** @TonyStark

The culprit has been found

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Morgan and Spider Kid where eating the peppers and cookies

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Spider kid likes raw peppers and we decided it’d be good to try doing some stealth training

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

And SOMEONE blew it because they where singing AND tweeting about it

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

You idiot that’s not how you stealth

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Wait… WHERE DID MY OREOS GO?

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Stealthy stealth…

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

WHAT THE FUCK! OREOS ARE SACRED HOW DARE YOU

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

@PBP stole them while you were distracted talking to me 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I think that I should make a spider suit like Tony’s that doesn’t require me to get bitten by a radioactive spider made by Oscorp ( 🤮) and become spiderman bc I’m CLEARLY a better fit for a job, and I know how to make my OWN repairs 

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Square up bitch, training room, no weapons 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

If you’re so powerful and I’m not then I think I should get one weapon and you can beat me with nothing

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

HE FUCKING SAID HE HEARS WANDA TALKING ABOUT ORDERING PIZZA AND LEFT

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@spiderman COME HERE AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

IF I FIGHT YOU I’LL FIGHT YOU LIKE A SPIDER

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

“IF”

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

*WHEN

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

CAN’T TAKE IT BACK, IT’S THE INTERNET

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

SHUT THE FUCK UP PAREKER

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

SPELL MY NAME RIGHT AND THEN COME BACK TO ME AND FIGHT ME HOWEVER YOU WANT BRAINS OVER BRAWN

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

@PBP RUN!!!

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

IT WORKED?

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

YEAH A LITTLE TOO WELL SCATTER!

**I write tragedies not sin** @Lee

HOW do they go from wanting to murder each other to whatever the fuck this is?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Same way me and the spider hoe do the same thing

**I write tragedies not sin** @Lee

That explains nothing

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Basically we’ll get bored and do something together or be forced to do a teamwork exercise because someone (usually Pepper and Mr. Stark) gets sick of out twitter beef and wants us to try do something together to try and get along

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

And no we can’t have someone else work with them bc we made the suits and there’s the whole secret identity thing which is important to keep and before you ask no we don’t know wo they are, and if we did we’d be sworn to secrecy 

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

We may hate them, but we need to keep them alive, but we wouldn’t put them in legitimate harm and not knowing their identities keeps US safe

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Oh you have it all wrong, Harley stole the pizza rolls that we where going to split so we pranked him

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

WHAT THE FUCK! I WOKE UP COMPLETELY COVERED IN WEBS APART FROM MY MOUTH AND NOSE AND THEN WHEN THEY FINALLY DISSOLVED THEY HAD FUCKING PUT A COMBO LOCK ON MY MINIFRIDGE THAT I CAN’T BREAK

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Oh fuck he got Peter

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Oh look, time to go out on patrol!


	76. children

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> running out of content so less updates BUT I have a plan for something

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Anyone else get weapons and basically treat them as your children?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I have a bat that painted bc I got bored and it’s one of my children and I love it dearly

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Of course, all my inventions are referred to as children

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

The weapons one doesn’t make sense, but the inventions does a bit because you made them

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

@PrincessShuriofWakanda we’re having the same thought process right?

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

We are, later everyone gotta go do some very important work 

  
  


**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

…

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

They got me a morning star, one that can swing around on a chain

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

I love it

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Yeah! We’re doing a training simulation with ours!

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Best date idea

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Gwen… you mean to tell me your actually a sword lesbian?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Of course! Did you hear what I just said? We’re doing training now

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Always good to know how to use a sword, never know when you’ll need to smash something

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Like drones that are trying to kill you

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

We ARE doing a drone attack simulation babe

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I know that, it’s just the example of when the morning star could be used

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

I refuse to name it though

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I don’t name mine either, I just call them children, that I can bash someone’s head in with

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

@MJ @GweStacy training’s started let’s go before you both “die”

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Ugh, mortality, ok time to go train


	77. Intern Studies

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Mr. Stark actually got us more brain cells and I don’t know if we should feel insulted or not

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Like YAY more brain cells in the lab, but also it means we don’t have enough braincells already

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

New intern guys name is Harry Connor and he does have brain cells

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

At least he appears to, but you never know if he always has brain cells or just wants to seem like he has brain cells. 

  
  


**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Intern study day 2, he still has brain cells

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Intern study day 3, brain cells are still there

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

It’s been a week and new intern guy has a steady stream of brain cells

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Dave’s telling me that I can’t do intern studies bc it could count as harassment and “it’d bad a same to lose someone on the team who is so good at making things explode” I have no idea if it’s sarcasm bc he said it in his trademark monotone voice

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

I have been informed it’s a bit of both, bc sometimes explosions are useful and sometimes they just make a mess

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

New intern guy is kinda cool, he’s working with Peggy on a project

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK??? I THOUGHT THAT THING WASN’T FLAMMABLE OR ABLE TO EXPLODE! WHAT THE FCUKKKKKK

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

The situation is under control, the fire is out thanks new intern guy

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Welp time to see why it exploded, this is an example of when explosions are good

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

(don’t set anything on fire or explode something at home on purpose you little shits, I will not be responsible and you’ll get hurt then I’ll feel a little bad so don’t do it you bastards)

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Letting you have a turn on this account was a bad idea

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

I MADE this account

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

YOU ADMIT YOU’RE THE ONE WHO DID IT, I CAUGHT YOU RED HANDED

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

YOU’RE STILL MAD ABOUT THAT? IT WAS FOREVER AGO

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

AND HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW LIKE COME ON

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Can ya’ll take it to the discord? Or anywhere but twitter?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

This is why mr. Stark got us more brain cells

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

You’re spelling of y’all is terrible and I’m going to hunt you down for it

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Ah fuck, I summoned Harley the country boy, gotta run

**DECEIT!** @JanusDoore

And THIS is why mr. Stark got us more brain cells 

**DECEIT!** @JanusDoore

But yeah, Run Peter you’ve awoken the country boy in Harley


	78. CHAD

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I feel like I should personally apologize to everyone who was in my class a few minutes ago

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

It was I WOULD say if I was sorry for saying that

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I am kinda embarrassed but that’s why you get for saying that my parents paid for me to get into MIT. CHAD

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

You better not have threatened him

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I did NOT threaten him! A bunch of people were talking, our prof was late and CHAD who has been trying to get with me even though I have TWO girlfriends who I’ve told him about. They were talking about parents and what they did for them to make their college experience better

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

And HE said “I bet your parents practically paid for you to get into MIT along with a really nice place Gwen” that MOTHERFUCKER

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

So I said being the comedic genius I am said “bold of you to assume my parents care about me enough to give me a penny,” because it’s TRUE. I was disowned CHAD!

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

My professor emailed me, life sucks, they’re awesome but WHY

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I found out he follows me, I’m now going to go commit aliveain’t 

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

He slid into my dms, I’m heterophobic now

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Aaaand he tried to flirt with me

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

He needs to take. a. hint 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

1 get your hands of my-

**DECEIT!** @JanusDoore

2 Or I’ll punch you in the-

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

3 stop your staring at my!

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Hey!

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Take a hint! Take a hint!

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Victorious was awesome, what a bop Take a Hint is. 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

EVERYONE had a crush on Jade

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Ye, I was a simp for Jade

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Times like these I wonder how it took until high school for me to realize I was gay

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

There where SO MANY SIGNS

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Time for a round of: Is it heteronormative bullshit? 

Is the answers A: heteronormativity B: heteronormativity or C: heteronormativity 

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

That’s a tough question Peter Imma go for C

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

YOU ARE CORRECT!

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

HELL YEAH!

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

And that’s it fortoday’s round of “is it heteronormative bullshit? See us next time! When? WE DON’T KNOW! WE’RE GAY

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

(What are you people on? My professor follows me and CHAD slid into my DMs)

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

(I love that you always say chad as CHAD, it’s v aggressive and I love it)

  
  


**Shuri >Gwen**

**Shuri:** want to mess with Chad?

**Gwen:** ooooh how?

**Shuri:** My brother said that it might be good for me to go to college in America… I could shadow you for a day

**Gwen:** yes!! He will flirt, so be ready, should we act like we don’t know each other? WAIT! You could shadow Chad!

**Shuri** : Why would I shadow him?

**Gwen:** we’ll act like it was unplanned that you’d be at MIT and be like “Oh my god Shuri! You came to visit me? I thought that you weren't coming to America for another few weeks?!” and stuff

**Shuri:** I LOVE IT! Let’s mess with this Frat boy


	79. NOT AN UPDATE

I have been reading fanfic like you do and I had the terrible idea of writing something similar to this but for Avatar the Last Airbender I'm thinking of calling it "the Twitter Gaang" or something. I do want to finish this first before I write the stories for this giving more context but then again I have no idea when it'll end and my google doc is over 300 pages so I have no idea but what would everyone think? I'd probably make it a college au/modern au 


	80. coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry I haven't really updated this in awhile I kinda forgot about it a little

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Wow look at all the snowflake republicans getting triggered because I said I’m heterophobic

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

It’s FINE I have like……… 2? Straight friends! I can say that!

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Listen I just think that being cishet is wrong and those who are, are going to hell

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

It’s against god, you guys are responsible for overpopulation

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Burn the gay flag you cowards, let me get my hands on a cheto flag and a confederate flag and I”ll have a fucking bonfire

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I’ll even make smores it’ll be a party

  
  


**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Been doing some reading, y’all know that it’s seen as respectful to kneel to a flag?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

And you ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT wear it, you can get killed

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Look up flag code

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Can’t wait for this bonfire

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

FIRE!!

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

We’re inviting Cap right?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

He’s bringing the gasoline

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Awesome, he’s so cool

  
  


**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Also there’s an interesting article about digital shopping cart abandonment 

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Here is is for anyone wanting to have a fun little read

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Very educational

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

I am SIMPLY sharing random knowledge I have come across on the internet

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

How DARE people of the internet call me MALICIOUS! You dn’t even KNOW me

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You’ve literally made someone explode something bc they touched your coffee

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Don’t touch my fucking coffee

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

It’s not hard

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Ah shit gotta run new braincells saw the tweet about me making my stuff explode when I asked him to see if there was anything that could be improved


	81. meme account

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry I haven't posted in awhile, I haven't written much of this fic lately though I do still have some stuff I've already written

**Kathendale** @Kathendale

@SI_Interns are basically a meme acc

  
  


**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Someone called us a meme account and now we’re all having an existential crisis and trying to figure out if we qualify as a meme account instead of doing work so thanks for that Twitter

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

But ARE we a MEME account??? I HAVE NO IDEA!!! 

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

We need to find out! 

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Dave says to tell everyone that this is the worst thing anyone could say because we have work to do

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Gwen told the new braincells to “shut the fuck up, I’m having a crisis over this” and MJ is with us and just shaking her head looking frustrated

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Peter is also having a crisis

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Gwen has said sorry but also that she wants to yeet herself out the window and isn’t afraid to take someone with her and will drag this account to it’s grave 

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

This is a fucking disaster

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

NOT NED TO! Ned it also having a crisis, 

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

This is a nightmare

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

To the person who called us a meme account this is a very special fuck you from us all

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Yes I’m also having a bit of a crisis over this 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

It’s Harley BTW 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

By the logic is we’re a meme acc so is @Spiderman

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

First off: bitch

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Second, why isn’t @Spiderwoman a meme account?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I fear her wrath that's why

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

fair 

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

You’re still a bitch and I’m also now having a crisis over this

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You know the rules, if one of us goes down, we drag the other with us

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

That’s only fun when I’m dragging you down with me

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

suffer

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

@GwenStacy I’ll join you in yeeting off the tower

  
  


**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

… 

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

we’re now over it and in a pile with Peggy while Dave tries to do work and Harry (new intern guy, yes he has a name) is just kinda standing there

  
  


**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I’ve just been murdered…

**I’m a special person who needs help** @Imaspecialpersonwhoneedshelp

ARE YOU OK???

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

First NOT THAT WAY I AM STILL TYPING NOT DYING

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I said my only talent is breathing and MJ heard

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Everyone who knows me knows where this is going

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

MJ reminded me I (used to) have asthma 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

So I’ve been murdered, time to go sulk

**I’m a special person who needs help** @Imaspecialpersonwhoneedshelp

That makes more sense then you actually dying

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

The spider bitch hasn’t killed me yet

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

You really wanna jinx it huh?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Already knocked on wood spider bitch


	82. coming out stories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's been so long I haven't had much motivation lately but I just got some and I had some stuf saved along with a new major plotline planned. If I don't have the motivation to finish that plot lone then I will be posting something explaining it and what would happen as not to leave any major cliff hangers

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Someone recently asked me how I came out as trans to the Avengers, no one knew apart from mr. Stark (I got shot in the chest, hurt like a buttcheak on a stick) and they found out by Twitter!

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Everyone was really annoyed I told them over twitter, like it was either that or a cake

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

And I can’t bake to save my life

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

The Avengers didn’t know I was trans bc I pass well or like enough

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Tip for trans and nb heroes: Having a name like spiderman is the BEST because everyone’s like “yeah he’s a man, it’s in the name no room for questions here” 

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

You know who has the best coming out story? Janus

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

They had a gender reveal party and freaked everyone the fuck out until they said it was about them, 10/10 coming out

**DECEIT!** @JanusDoore

My family all thought I was going to have a kid, I’m pretty sure they were relieved but my mom was a little disappointed bc she wants grandkids, I have 3 siblings, and at least one is straight

**DECEIT!** @JanusDoore

Why are people giving me hate for saying I have at least 1 straight sibling? One is bi, I have a lovely ace sibling and my youngest sibling is like 5 so that’s too early to know your sexuality (for most people)

  
  


**[Interns discord]**

**Gwen:** WHO TOUCHED MY SHIT?

**Harley:** Which shit?

**Gwen:** THE PROJECT THAT I’M DOING FOR DR. BANNER WHO TOUCHED IT I CAN’T FIND IT ANYWHERE

**Peter:** No idea sorry Gwen

**Dave:** Maybe you put it somewhere else

**Peggy:** Weird, I can’t find my parts for my project. We can look together Gwen

**Gwen:** Thanks Peggy


	83. danger noodle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back!!! with motivation, this fic isn't done yet bastards!

**God of Mischief** @Loki

I… was not aware a new intern joined the team

**God of Mischief** @Loki

I’ve been off world with Thor he made us do “sibling bonding” I stabbed him

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Classic Loki! Pronouns?

**God of Mischief** @Loki

they/them today

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

The new brain cells is Harry he’s pretty chill

**God of Mischief** @Loki

I’ve seen. He did not look surprised when I walked in. Usually unfamiliar humans scream thinking I’m back to take over the world

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Not anymore, thanks to Twitter people like you

**God of Mischief** @Loki

That must be why I’ve gained followers

**God of Mischief** @Loki

I regret everything

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

It would have been worse if you won

**God of Mischief** @Loki

I truly despise humanity

**God of Mischief** @Loki

The interns are the only exception

**God of Mischief** @Loki

Except the new person, I am not fond of them

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Why?

**God of Mischief** @Loki

He said that my stilettos where trashy

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Which ones?

**God of Mischief** @Loki

The ones with painted snakes

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I love those shoes! Are you wearing the medusa jacket?

**God of Mischief** @Loki

Of course

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Loki has the best fashion sense ever

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Also @Loki

**Danger Noodle** @Loki

Yes?

**Danger Noodle** @Loki

Thanks

**Danger Noodle** @Loki

I hate it

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

YOU KNOW POP CULTURE?? AND DIDN’T TELL ME???????

**Danger Noodle** @Loki

Of course, I strive to be better at Thor in every way and he doesn’t know anything about pop culture so I have an extensive knowledge of it

**Danger Noodle** @Loki

Why is my brother the god of lesbians?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Someone said Thor wouldn’t support gay people also Gwen shaved half her head and he kinda just was like “LET US GO LESBIANS! I SHALL PROTECT THEM”

**Danger Noodle** @Loki

I pronounce myself god of gender non conforming people, I AM Genderfluid after all

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Sweet, anyone being transphobic will now get stabbed by Loki or bitten by a snake. That may be Loki

**Danger Noodle** @Loki

And the next person who calls my stilettos trashy will get stabbed

**Danger Noodle** @Loki

Multiple times


	84. girls day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's been awhile! but fear not! i have stuff written out AND a new major plot thing planned

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

@PBP hey wanna come get your nail done? It be a girls day

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Fuck that came out wrong

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

What I meant is come with us because it’s girls day and boys day is stupid.

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

What’s Janus doing?

**DECEIT!** @JanusDoore

Getting my nails done with them

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

What are the guys going?

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

All out sparring day

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I’d rather not break anything so I’ll go with you guys

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

sweet! 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

The internet is full of bullies

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Nail polish isn’t gendered you soggy bowls of soup

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

THANKS!

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

I hate it!

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You’re welcome bro!

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Never call me bro again

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Yeah that felt wrong

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Soggy bowl of soup, really?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

yes

  
  


**[Harry >Peggy]**

**Harry:** Hey Peggy, want to hang out sometime? 

**Peggy:** Maybe? I have a lot of work to do for school and in the labs

**Harry:** Do you have any time over the weekend? 

**Peggy:** Not really, like I said I’m really busy

**Harry:** Well if your schedule ever frees up let me know I’d love to spend time with you

**Peggy:** Oh Harry!

**Peggy:** Have you seen my thermal energy collector? I can’t find it anywhere

**Harry:** I think I saw Janus looking at it

**Peggy:** that’s kinda strange, but thanks for telling me


	85. mommy issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ayyy look at me not taking weeks to post a new chapter

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

YOU PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKED UP WHAT THE FUCK??????????

**ChaoticNeutral18** @ChaoticNeutral18

I’m a little scared to ask

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

SOMEONE THREW SOMETHING AND DAVE (we’re really rubbing off on him it’s great) SAID “WHOEVER THREW THAT YOUR MOMS A HOE” AND THEN

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

GIVE ME A MIN

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

AND THEN! PETER SAID “MY MOM’S DEAD” “MY MOM IS DEAD TO ME” (GWEN) “MY MOM DOESN’T REALLY CARE ABOUT ME” (HARLEY) AND PEGGY SAID “I’M DEAD TO MY MOM” WITH ZERO EMOTION. NONE AT ALL

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

JAN JUST LOOKED AT US ALL ON HORROR AND SAID “JESUS FUCK HOW ARE YOU MENTALLY STABLE???” AND WE ALL SAID (APART FROM DAVE WHO LOOKED DONE WITH THE WORLD AND OUT BULLSHIT) “WE’RE NOT”

**CyberSleuthCat** @CyberSleuthCat

Are you guys ok?

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

lol no

**Anastasia_Romanov** @Anastasia_Romanov

Why? Apart from mommy issues that is

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Mr. Stark gave us a huge project to work on we’re all tired and out of coffee

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Except Peter, he’s only allowed the weakest of teas

**yosh1_7** @yosh1_7

I’m new to twitter can you explain?

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

He’s almost as worse and spiderman on coffee, think a hamster on steroids 

**yosh1_7** @yosh1_7

Oh wow

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

yeah

**OoO_Winter_Wolf_OoO** @OoO_Winter_Wolf_OoO

Are y’all mentally stable over at SI?

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Lol no on is

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Not even mr stark, if he says otherwise it’s a liar

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Coffee and Pepper keep us in order and actually being productive


	86. the CHAD saga

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Everyday I become more of a lesbian

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Yes bitches this is about CHAD

  
  


**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

HAHAHAH FUCK YOU CHAD

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Oh god what’d you do?

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

OH THAT WAS AMAZING HIS FACE

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Oh no not you too

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

It’s his fault for insulting one of my girlfriends. 

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Now that that’s out of the way time to explain

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Everyone remembers CHAD? Ok good

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

So Shuri here shadowed him bc she said she’s looking into MIT

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

And CHAD was bragging about getting to show Shuri around

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

It’s not even that impressive, my Lab can do so much more

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Yes babe it can, bc you live in Wakanda, don’t have to flex on all us plebs

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

I’m not flexing if it’s the truth

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Either way the look on his face when I ran up to Shuri and hugged her saying I had no idea she was here was priceless

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

The look on his face when I told him that me and Gwen are in fact dating was priceless, and I’ll remember it for the rest of my life

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Me too, those who torment frat boys together stay together


	87. not so secret identity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i really need to make a schedule or a remind to post more often, because I keep meaning to and then keep forgetting.

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Bitches who have a hard time with a secret identity don’t know how to have a secret identity

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Yes this is directed at @Spiderman

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Hey!!

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

What’d I do?

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

You’re the worst at keeping your identity a secret. 

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

NO I’M NOT

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I hate every single person in this tower

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

The bitch be proven right

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

By ALL the Avengers

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

@Spiderman is a dumbass 

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Square up Spider bitch, there can only be one dumbass in this tower

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

You’re still a dumbass over all, he’s just a dumbass when it comes to his secret identity

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Square up bitch there can only be one dumbass in the tower

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I identify as a BITCH, not a DUMBASS you’re still the only one Gwen

  
  


**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Sooooo uuhhhhh Spiderwoman was right

**[acadec discord]**

**Betty:** @Peter dude, it’s fine, we been knew

**Ned:** Wait how?

**Abe:** How would we not? We been knew for months guys

**Peter:** Flash?

**Cindy:** lol he had no idea it’s fine dude

**MJ:** it was painfully obvious, don’t worry we gave you actually good cover stories and shit

**Peter:** MJ you knew too???

**MJ:** duh

**Ned:** well now I just feel like all that hard work trying to keep a good cover was for nothing

**Abe:** Without us it would be

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

@spiderman send me screenshots so I can gloat

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

no

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

PLEASE???

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

First, it can EXPOSE MY IDENTITY, so NO

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Second, you’ll never let me forget it and totally do some sadistic shit with it

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

I hate that you know me so well

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

And just bc I don’t have screenshots doesn’t mean I’ll forget it

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I know, I just don’t want you to have proof

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

fair

  
  


**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@TonyStark just so ya know I uuhhh may have used my admin powers

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

What’d you do?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

They were being bitches like “there’s no way that cramps hurt more then getting kicked in the balls” they were being assholes and yelling at a new intern because she had started her period 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Like they wouldn’t let her leave and I was walking by because I had to get some stuff so I moved them to the lowest labs. And uhhh took their cafeteria privileges. Along with them having to work on those new secret stuff we’re working on

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Honestly? Great job kid, make sure the intern they were being rude to is ok, she gets the day off

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I escorted her to the medbay so she could take a break. I think Friday just said she can go home if she needs to. 

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Ok great

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Names. now.

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

No you’re not committing murder

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

fuck

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

but… they deserve it

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Yeah well you can’t murder people, you’re SUPPOSED to save them

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

I’m SUPPOSED to be doing a lot of things

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Yet I don’t do them

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You’re not in training are you?

  
  


**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

RUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUN


	88. Birthday Chaos and mommy issues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> off topic, but how would y'all feel about me making a tumblr for this? like to show sneak peaks of stuff I'm working on, where y'all can ask me questions about the story or plot or characters or pretty much anything and just have another way to interact with this more then just commenting?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I’ve never been happier to not have any living bio family

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Stop being a little bitch

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

no

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Peter, I will DRAG you out of your room

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

It’s in lockdown mode bastards

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

nopenopenopenopnopenope

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Stop being a piss baby it’s your birthday

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Which is why I’m not coming out of my room!

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

HA YOU FOOLS, YOU ABSOLUTE SWINE THINKING THE VENTS WOULDN’T HAVE FORTIFICATIONS

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I’VE BEEN PREPARING FOR WEEKS

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I REFUSE TO LEAVE AND YOU CAN’T MAKE ME

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

BITCHES BE TRYING TO SMOKE ME OUT, IT WON’T WORK BASTARDS

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Wizards are bitches

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I hate you all

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Stop being a little bitch

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

no

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Dude, we arranged a irl game of among us and you’re made you where killed first stfu

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

We both know that’s not why I’m mad

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Yeah yeah yeah, wizards are bitches, we know. But only because Dr. Strange got you out your room

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Listen, I spent WEEKS preparing for today and good ol wizard bitch makes a magic spark circle and bypasses EVERYTHING that I spent WEEKS making just so I WASN’T dragged out my fucking room and I STILL WAS DRAGGED OUT MY FUCKING ROOM

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

YOU PEOPLE FUCKING CHEATED

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Kid, we just wanted to give you a nice birthday

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I know for a FACT that you guys were going to humiliate me and embarrass me don’t even try to lie

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Ok but when have we ever NOT tried to embarrass you?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

WHICH IS WHY I WAS TRYING TO HAVE AN EMBARRASSMENT FREE DAY

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

You can't escape us bastard 

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Not for long anyway

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

NOT TODAY BITCHES

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

DID YOU JUST STEAL MY FUCKING SUIT??

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

FIRST OFF, I BUILD THE FUCKING THING, SECOND IT’S A NEW ONE I’VE BEEN WORKING ON

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

I’M GETTING A NEW SUIT???

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

NOT RIGHT NOW YOU’RE NOT

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

@Spiderwoman @Spiderkid he escaped with my new suit and he ESCAPED so we have to get him back.

**Spider CHILD** @Spiderkid

yeah! Let’s goooo!!! Then I can go back to being impostor!

**Spider CHILD** @Spiderkid

Oh noooo I’m gonna be voted out now :(

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

YOU WHERE ONE OF THE IMPOSTORS?????

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

YEAH AND I TRUSTED HIM AND THEN HE FUCKING STABBED ME IN THE BACK. LITERALLY (not really I wasn’t stabbed it was a rubber knife)

  
  


**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU GO PARKER??? WE CAN’T FIND YOU AND YOUR LOCATION’S OFF WHAT THE FUCK

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I’M A LITERAL GENIUS AND I MADE THIS SUIT I HAVE CHEAT CODES TO OVERRIDE WHAT I WANT

  
  


**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

PETER MAKE IT STOP

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

HE’S PLAYING THE “GAY FROGS” REMIX THROUGHOUT THE TOWER ON LOOP

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

PETER THE ENTRE TOWER IS DEMANDING YOU STOP

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

NEVER

  
  


**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

we’re all going insane

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

wait.... WHY DO I HAVE A DIRTY CRIME BOI ROLE ON THE INTERN DISCORD SERVER?

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

BECAUSE YOU’RE A DIRTY CRIME BOY NOW TURN OFF THE DAMN MUSIC IN THE TOWER OR I’LL HUNT YOU DOWN LIKE A DEER

**DECEIT!** @JanusDoore

run, you brought out the country boy in Harley

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

ahahaha I’m in dAnGeR

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

No, seriously, I’m in danger

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

When Harley brings out his country boy side it’s SCARY

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Ok it’s off

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

This is why you’re my favorite son @HarleyKeener

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Does that mean I’m in the will?

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

yes

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

ON MY BIRTHDAY??? Such utter betrayal from my own father

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

eh getting disowned gets old after awhile, stop being dramatic

**TheShadowedSnow** @TheShadowedSnow

Are you ok? I’m v concerned about you and your family

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

lol no I’m not. And they’re not my family because I was DISOWNED BOIIISSSS

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

I will PAY for your therapy and for you to go to therapy

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Nah fam I’m fine, I cope with my mommy issues by making jokes

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Literally EVERYONE in the lab thinks you should go to therapy Gwen

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

nah, we all cope differently, mine is by making joke about my shitty manipulative mom who only uses her kids for her own social climbing and disowned me when she thought I was a failure

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

And then only called AFTER I started dating a princess

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

Babe, me and Shuri both think you should go to therapy

**OG lesbian** @PrincessShuriofWakanda

Gwen, I love you. But you need a better coping mechanism then joking about your trauma and mommy issues

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Kid I’m 100% serious about paying you to go to therapy, you really need it

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

…

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

How much we talking?

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

I’m not discussing it over Twitter, come to my lab I’ll have Friday let you in


	89. Dracotok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quick question, if I made a tumblr blog for this fic where I could post bonus content and sneak peeks of stuff that I'm working on would you guys like that? I'd also answer questions and stuff and you could send prompts/ideas for new chapters and just generally be able to interact with me more

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Ok but like tiktok cosplayers and cosplayers in general just 😘👌

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

A group acc is doing cosplay of us and making audios of our tweets 10/10

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

AND they’re being GREAT because there’s no shipping shit

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Because shipping real people together is weird

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

Look at them! Go see their content now because it’s AMAZING

  
  


**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Well this is the end guys, good bye forever

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Listen kid, whatever your thinking or whatever dark place your in you can get out of it, i’m booking a psychiatrist session right now so that you can start feeling better

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Wow #rippeter and #ispeterok really got popular fast

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Lol it’s chill I just got onto Draco tok 

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

What does that mean?

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

@PBP no you’re seriously going to shift and get railed by Draco? Dude I thought you had taste

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Lol I do, which is why I’m gonna punch Snape, become besties with Luna, tell Hermione that she needs to stop giving her answers to Harry and Ron she’s too good for them.

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

And then I’m gonna hang with the Weasley twins, I have IDEAS

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

And then get railed by Cedric?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

nooooooo

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Sounds pretty sus

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Let’s vote him out

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I saw you faking tasks bitch

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Which task?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Shields is visual

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

o.0

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Vote em out bois

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Stop asking who I want to rail me!!! I just wanna be friends with Luna!!!

**Ned** @NedLeeds

He wants Krum to rail him

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

BETRAYED BY MY BEST FRIEND!!!

**Ned** @NedLeeds

Your exact words where “gtg need to go shift to hogwarts and get railed by Krum”

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I DIDN’T THINK YOU’D SNITCH ON ME!!!!!

**Ned** @NedLeeds

Think again

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

@PBP you have shit taste

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Do i?

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

At least I don’t like fucking FLUER, because i’m not a BASIC BITCH

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

I hate you

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Because I’m right


	90. children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> merry bitchmas! have an extra long chaoter with some very rare instances of plot that was rushed because I'm impatient

**Spider CHILD** @Spiderkid

Mr. Wilson called me a demon child for listening to music on the ceiling :(

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Wait WHAT? NOOOOOOOO 

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Listen here Wilson @spiderkid is the best of us three, @spiderwoman is the real demon child here

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

call me a child ONE MORE TIME and I’ll summon an actual demon

**Not a pilot** @Falcon

They scared the shit out of me ok? Who just chills on the ceiling?

**Spider BITCH** @Spiderman

Literally ALL of us

**Not a pilot** @Falcon

I hate children more and more with each passing day

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Ya know what

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

That counts 

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

You either die a child or live long enough to get called child as an adult

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

So

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

DEMON TIME FUCKERS

**Dr. Strange** @drstrange

That’s where the demon summoning book went, no idea how you got it, but I’ll be upping security from now on

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

But it took me FOREVER to get it!

**Dr. Strange** @drstrange

There’s a reason for that

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Oh so I can risk my life on the daily but the ONE time I wanna summon a demon for a COMPLETELY JUSTIFIABLE REASON I’m stopped by the wizard bitch?

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

Life’s a fucking scam

  
  


**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

WHERE IS MY SHIT GOING? WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKERS TOUCHED MY SHIT???

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

I HAVE TO WORK ON IT AND I CAN’T FUCKING FIND IT

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

SHIT

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

WAS SUPPOSED TO ASK ON DISCORD NOT TWITTER

**Interns of SI** @SI_Interns

I’M SLEEP DEPRIVED AND HUNGRY AND ANGRY

**[loki made a new group[**

**Loki added Peter**

**Loki added Harley**

**Loki added Peggy**

**Loki added Janus**

**Loki added Dave**

**Loki:** I need to speak with you all about Harry

**Gwen:** Oh, what’s up?

**Loki:** Harry has been acting strange, sus if you will. I observed him locking one of Dave’s projects in someone else’s cabinet 

**Loki:** I’ve also seen him flirting with Peggy, and I know you were very uncomfortable with it Peggy

**Peggy:** I was…

**Peggy:** I asked him to stop, and he asked me out, he hasn’t

**Peter:** Anything else?

**Loki:** yes, he’s trying to make you all dislike each other, turn against each other

**Harley:** so Harry is sus?

**Loki:** yes, i suggest we keep a close eye on him and have Friday keep watch

**Peter:** we all just saw that right?

**Dave:** we did

**Loki:** He’s been hiding your things and probably is the cause of many problems in the lab

**Harley:** I’m already doing some digging, give me a few hours, until then. We saw nothing

**Harley:** Tony’s going to have a field day with this. Harry is Oscorp’s kid. 

**Peter:** Seriously? Oh wow, bye bye Oscorp

  
  


**Peter Parkour** @PBP

That awkward moment when you watch your dad have a crisis and what your mom calmly speak to a fuck ton of lawyers in the other room and you’re busy trying to stop Rhodey from going to murder someone

**Gaming Chicken** @GamingChicken

Yo… what???

**justanerdhere** @justanerdhere

tbh I stopped trying to guess what was going on in the tower long ago

**BiUnicorn_brittany** @BiUnicorn_brittany

Most of us people in the tower did too, it’s so fucking chaotic

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I’ve been given permission to tell everyone what happened. So BASIALLY the new braincells? Yeah so he’s Osborns kid and was totally messing with us and sabotaging shit, when we lost stuff? That was usually him

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

It’s also JUST been discovered he was sending OUR designs to oscorp

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

So oscorp is about to be an oscorpse

**Ned** @NedLeeds

Oh god that pun

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

You can’t tell me it wasn’t good at all, respect the drip Ned

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I try to make a pun to lighten this very serious situation and now everyone including new outlets are calling me immature. I mean, the lawyers are already here, I’m STILL a minor, Mr. Stark would jump into another lawsuit in a second

  
  


**Peter Parkour** @PBP

ngl the best part about being a Stark is that I can say “my mom’s gonna sue you, while she’s suing another rival tech company and she will destroy you” and everyone knows I’m serious

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

You’re still the human embodiment of a puppy

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

And yet I still get called shit like this

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Lol yes, Even Peggy agrees, you’re like a puppy

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

At least I’m not spider bitch

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

And at least I’m not the spider hoe

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

At least I’m not a NERD

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Who are you? Technoblade? Don’t forget I’m the one who keeps your suit wearable and not a mess

**Spider HOE** @Spiderwoman

I keep forgetting about that

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

Lol yeah because you’re fucking stupid


	91. one year anniversary!!!

todays is the one year anniversary of this fic, and because of that and me getting over 50k hits,

I've made a blog!

where people can send me asks, I can post random stuff to do with the fic, maybe snippets of things yet to be posted, stuff that's not part of the main "plotline" but I still wanna share, be able to answer people's questions. that kind of stuff. anyway here is the [link](https://wholetthemontwitterfic.tumblr.com/) I promise this isn't a rickroll, i'm very serious, nothing has been posted yet but I plan to change that soon.


	92. the power of god and anime

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I’m not doing it!

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Everyone in the acadeca are bullies

**BettyBoop** @BettyBrant

We are not!

**The bell is for comedy** @AbeBrown

You made the bet, follow through and order it already

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@NedLeeds @MJ please back me up

**Ned** @NedLeeds

Oh absolutely not

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

Order it. Coward

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Ok to be fair, I didn’t think it’d lose

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

Do it coward, acadeca code

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

but-

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

Do it.

**Cindy Lou** @CindyMoon

Now now now, MJ, this isn’t fair

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

THANK YOU CINDY

**Cindy Lou** @CindyMoon

We should pick which one he orders, as he’ll totally find a loophole

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Can I use my dysphoria card?

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

no

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

You didn’t have to accept the bet, it could have been something else you knew what you where getting into. You also SUGGESTED IT, because you thought you wouldn’t lose

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

I have the legal right to know what you people are talking about

**Badass Lesbian** @MJ

I’ll dm you what happened

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

MJ NOOOOO PLEASE DON’T

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

DO IT, ORDER IT PETER

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

…It’s been ordered 

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

And I hate you all

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

YOU HAVE TO MAKE A TIKTOK IN IT

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

PLEASE THE PEOPLE DEMAND IT

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

you’re the only one demanding it

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

COME ONNNNNNN DO IT FOR THE GIRLS, THE GAYS AND THE THEYS

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I’m not making a tiktok with it

**Cindy Lou** @CindyMoon

You gotta, it’s the law, make a tiktok in it

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I will on ONE CONDITION

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

@TonyStark has to do it with me

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Do what?

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Dming you about it now

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Ok bet, I’ve done worse, besides I’d kill it

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

  1. STARK NOOOOOO WHYYY’D YOU SAY YES? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SAY NO



**Iron Man** @TonyStark

suffer

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

>:(

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Wait but it’d be a PR nightmare

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

No it wouldn’t, besides, I could piss off conservatives

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

That counts as a pr nightmare mr. stark

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

No it doesn’t

**Iron Man** @TonyStark

Face it kid, you’re not getting out of this one

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

I regret existence

**Dumbass Lesbian** @GwenStacy

We all do, except for now sucker!!! You lost the bet, and now you gotta follow through with it!

  
  


**Peter Parkour** @PBP

Harley Keener-Stark, been making kidnappers his bitches for how long now? 2 years?

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Don’t say it like that

**Peter Parkour** @PBP

But it’s true!

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

That doesn’t mean you have to say it like that!

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

Anyone who’s said anything along the lines of “kinky” will be getting drop kicked

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

EXPLANATION: BITCHES TRY TO KIDNAP ME BECAUSE YOU BITCHES KNOW WHY, SO I DO THE NATURAL THING AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THEM. I KNOW THE AVENGERS YOU DON’T THINK I DON’T KNOW HOW TO BEAT PEOPLE’S ASSES, I DO. DON’T FUCK WITH ME

**Petty Bitch** @HarleyKeener

I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE

**Author's Note:**

> Also I might add more random commenters so comment if you want to be one of those random accounts ig


End file.
